{"id":18770,"date":"2013-10-16T01:00:05","date_gmt":"2013-10-16T08:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theweddingyentas.com\/?p=18770"},"modified":"2013-10-15T17:48:44","modified_gmt":"2013-10-16T00:48:44","slug":"wedding-advice-from-a-seasoned-mother-of-the-bride-groom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.bryanfriedman.me\/yentas\/inside-scoop\/wedding-advice-from-a-seasoned-mother-of-the-bride-groom","title":{"rendered":"Wedding Advice From A Seasoned Mother of the Bride & Groom"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"ellen\"<\/a>As the mother of the groom five years ago and mother of the bride one year ago, Ellen has had in-depth experiences celebrating wonderful simchas. With this experience, she has cultivated wisdom about being a mother along for this wedding ride, and is happy to share her lessons with fellow Yentas!<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been the mother of a bride and<\/em> the mother of a groom! They are both wonderful things to be, but can be very different experiences, but it’s all about how you handle and choose to see them. I was the groom\u2019s mother first, and although I never searched extensively for information about the etiquette or what\u2019s involved in being the mother of the groom in terms of planning a wedding, I did do some reading, and first and foremost used my instincts. <\/p>\n

Let\u2019s face it, we mothers are all females first, and as such, we should understand how important weddings can be particularly to our fellow females! So, the first thing I did was put myself in my future daughter-in-law\u2019s place. I knew that I would have wanted to make my own decisions regarding my own wedding, so I let her and my son plan the wedding of their dreams. <\/p>\n

Of course there are factors to take into consideration depending on the families’ payment and hosting philosophies. Budget plays an important part in the planning of a wedding and everyone knows that the more money you have to spend, the more options you have. Here\u2019s my thing, and I feel very strongly about it: Single-sided payment or hosting is a thing of the past in my eyes. The tradition of having the bride\u2019s parents pay for the majority of the wedding dates back to the time of the dowry system. This custom began out of a desire to get the bride\u2019s family to contribute a share of the costs involved in setting up a new household. For me, this is an antiquated tradition that really doesn\u2019t apply to modern society. I found that working with the bride\u2019s family and setting up an equal and fair budget that worked for both families took the pressure off of the engaged couple and gave everyone a voice in the decision-making. <\/p>\n

The point is, if you’re involved financially, then it’s always nice for the “kids” to take your opinions into consideration, but just because that’s nice, doesn’t mean you should demand your opinions be heard. If you’re contributing with cash, it’s more than likely because it’s out of the goodness of your heart anyway, and you want for your kids to have a wedding day that’s in line with their vision. <\/p>\n

I also trusted my son and his fianc\u00e9e. They were certainly capable of making intelligent decisions about what they wanted on their day. In other words, as the mother of the groom, I basically chose to, for the most part, butt out! My husband and I were lucky in that my son and future daughter-in-law were great about including us in what their ultimate decisions were, and asked for our “OK” before we put any deposits down or paid for anything. <\/p>\n

\"Photo<\/a>

Photo by Eight20 Photography<\/p><\/div>\n

I think, though, that in part, this was because we never forced our opinions on them. They were free to make their own choices and just do a \u201cdouble-check\u201d with us. It made for such a smooth planning process and ultimately a spectacular wedding. As the mother of the groom — or bride! — it’s important to realize that the choices may not be exactly what you want, but it\u2019s not your wedding. <\/p>\n

MOGS, take it from me; the less you say, the better. You already had your day, and even if you might have missed out, your children’s wedding is not the time for you to try to have it vicariously through them. While I don’t suggest you do the old fashioned MOG behavior of \u201cwear beige and shut up\u201d, I encourage you to ask questions, be supportive, and ask \u201chow can I help\u201d? Trust me!<\/p>\n

And by the way, followed my own advice when I was the mother of the bride as well. I was as supportive as I could be without being pushy, and it worked again! Find that middle ground! And mazel tov! <\/p>\n

\"Photo<\/a>

Photo by ES Photo<\/p><\/div>\n

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