Bryan’s Ramblings

What is it about this time of year that I hate so much? Every year, right around October and through January I become even more cynical than my usual self and turn into a whining, complaining, annoying ass hole. For me, there is so much tension and stress around this time of year, and while some of it is of course self-inflicted, it seems like the whole world (or at least this great country of ours) tries to cram a ton of big events into three short months: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa, New Year’s, my birthday. That’s not even mentioning all the businesses that have to get projects done and goals met by the end of the year. Throw in that the weather starts to suck and people start to go crazy…all of this contributing to my loss of a happy-go-lucky demeanor for a few months.

Most of the really bad events that have happened to me during the short course of my life to date seem to happen right around this time of year – towards the end. Sicknesses and deaths, breakups and meltdowns, they all seem to occur during the Fall and Winter months. While it’s true that I’m focusing on the negatives and there are plenty of positives that have happened during this time as well, it always seems like they get trumped by some major downer that happens right at the cusp of a new year. I’m afraid to guess what it could be this year. I’m sure I’m over-reacting though.

Worst of all, this is the time of year when I get to be the most self-reflective and over-analytic. I truly get close to psychotic just before my birthday happens. I’m turning 25 in three weeks. Why does 24 seem young and 25 seem old? Aren’t I supposed to have more shit figured out by now? Anyway, I’m just trying to get through the next few months and coast into 2007 without too much damage done. I guess keeping myself busy is the way to do it, but it sure seems to be adding more stress to an already stressful time of year.

I’m trying to stay positive (and clearly failing miserably). I’m trying to think “Hey, this winter will be different. This year is good,” but really, who am I kidding? Cold weather sucks.