Monthly Archives: May 2011

Tales from the Veil: I Think We’re Alone Now

Posted on May 23, 2011 by Alison in Tales from the Veil

Another “Tales from the Veil” story is brought to us by Rachel Kitt who is the Executive Assistant at the Jewish Federation of San Diego County. She loves to run competitively and for pleasure, bake gluten-free sweets, and hang out with her hubby, a San Diego attorney. After eloping to the island of Oahu in December of 2007, Rachel finds herself looking back on her Jewish destination wedding adventure and laughing out loud. Her story will show you how any bride can take wedding disasters and turn them into wedded bliss. Lemons into lemonade. Grapes into Manischewitz. We’ll be hearing more from Rachel as a regular contributor to The Wedding Yentas.

Jewish weddings are filled with fun terms. Maybe you’ve heard of the hora, maybe you haven’t. Maybe you’ve heard of the ketubah, maybe you haven’t.

Yichud is one of those that if you haven’t, you will now. And if you don’t know much, let me help you out. My husband and I observed yichud and it was one of the best decisions we made for our wedding day.

Let’s back up a little. Yichud is a ritual in which the newly married couple spends a bit of time together immediately after the ceremony, totally alone. Yes yes, once upon a time you consummated the marriage during yichud, but thankfully that barbaric practice is no longer expected (you really think that you want to ruin your expensive hair styling and deal with the and wrestle with the layers and buttons and ruffles that took you an hour to get into?). In modern times, it’s an opportunity to be alone before the hoopla of the party. If you decided to fast for your wedding day (another tradition that isn’t required, but something to consider), it’s an opportunity to eat your first “meal” together as husband and wife.

For us, it was the best 10 minutes of the day. And no, not like that. First, we sat down in this little room, guarded by the ketubah signers to ensure total privacy. I should make this story romantic and tell you how we “embraced and whispered sweet nothings,” but the reality is, the first thing I said was “get this freakin’ veil off my head now and do not mess up my hair.” Okay, not with so much anger, but I was definitely done wearing the veil. Once we got rid of that, we sat in chairs facing each other. We stared first. Then, it began. We practiced calling each other “husband” and “wife.” Simple, maybe. Silly, a little. But awesome. Pure tingling-down-the-spine awesomeness.

Oh, and I got my full bling-bling. We decided to be traditional and get married in a ring that was “kosher” (no stones, no holes in it). The ring is a family heirloom that my mother, grandmother and most of my mom’s side of the family got married in. It has amazing significance, but its not my style. Not for every day use. No, my style is a little more sparkly.

So as we sat there, practicing calling each other “husband” and “wife,” for the second time in three months, Tim pulled a velvet box out of his pocket and blinded me with sparkle! We took the heirloom, plain gold band off my finger and put it into the box, and joined the diamond studded wedding band on the same finger as my engagement ring. My hand looked complete. And I felt complete.

We had a few bites of cheese and crackers for our first meal together and then we were ready. We had 10 full minutes of total alone time on one of the most family-heavy days of our lives. When we left that room, we were ready to deal with the red lipstick stained kisses, and the kvelling, and the photos. We really were prepared to start our lives as husband and wife.

From the Vault: Can’t Get Enough of the Aufruf

Posted on May 19, 2011 by Alison in Jewish Traditions

This week, The Wedding Yentas will feature some of the oldies-but-goodies that newer readers may not have seen! These posts will explain some of the most important or popular traditions, showcase some favorite photos, and give you a little stroll down Yenta Memory Lane. Today it’s all about the Aufruf. Maybe you’ve heard of it. Maybe you haven’t. But now’s your chance to learn all about yet another honor you can enjoy as your wedding day nears. Happy times!

You and your groom have been planning for months and months, probably. Every conversation involves the word “wedding” and every time you see white, you get excited. The wedding planning process consumes a big chunk of your life, but the wedding festivities don’t really begin until about a week before the special day.
On the Shabbat prior to the wedding, the couple goes to synagogue and experiences the Jewish custom called the Aufruf. In modern congregations, the bride and groom experience this together, but traditionally, the Aufruf is when the groom is called to the bimah for an aliyah and recite a blessing over the Torah. Judaism honors children and the gifts they bring to the world. Creating children means continued faith and Torah study for the Jewish people. Therefore, it is no surprise that the groom’s aliyah includes reading the letters of the Torah, which contain the ten utterances of creation.

When the Aufruf takes place in relation to the wedding day varies depending on the family of Jewish people to which the bride and groom belong. Ashkenazi Jews enjoy the Aufruf ceremony on the Shabbat before the wedding. The Aufruf is held for Sephardic Jews on the Shabbat after the wedding. So, to recap: Ashkenazi, before; Sephardic, after. It’s even in alphabetical order and everything. Add that to the catchy methods to learn things like PEMDAS for math or Every Good Boy Does Fine for memorizing lines on a treble clef staff. But I digress…

Here’s the best part of the Aufruf. The congregation throws candy at you!!! CANDY. Thrown. In your direction. It’s like Halloween for almost-married grown ups. Like everything in Judaism, it’s symbolic. The candy symbolizes a sweet and fruitful marriage blessed with many children.

After the Aufruf, the family hosts a Kiddush for the congregation. Clearly it is an unspoken Jewish law to eat after any sort of milestone, so Aufruf joins the company of such life cycle occasions.

Our Aufruf was fun and special. Just being up on the bimah together, holding hands, reciting an aliyah, and receiving the rabbi’s blessings reminded us that the wedding day was near where we would again be brought together under the chuppah to become husband and wife. If your rabbi offers an opportunity for an Aufruf, I highly recommend taking part in this custom because it’s a wonderful stepping stone on your path to the ultimate wedding experience.

From the Vault: Think Ink

Posted on May 18, 2011 by Alison in Jewish Traditions

This week, The Wedding Yentas will feature some of the oldies-but-goodies that newer readers may not have seen! These posts will explain some of the most important or popular traditions, showcase some favorite photos, and give you a little stroll down Yenta Memory Lane. Today, it’s important to remind all brides and grooms that the ink on the ketubah matters!! Read ahead so you don’t make the mistake and use a Papermate pen. It is not your ketubah’s mate… at all.

Before your public wedding ceremony, you’ll gather with your officiant and immediate family for the ketubah signing. I’ll talk about this in detail in future blogs, but this traditional ceremony essentially makes the bride and groom officially married. You’re signing the Jewish version of a marriage contract, so it’s important to be sure that your ink will last all the years to come.

So how do you choose a pen that embalms your Judah Hancock into foreverness?

Avoid pens that feather or bleed. You also want to be certain that your ink won’t fade over time, even if your ketubah soaks up sunlight and UV light. Waterproof pens are also a good idea because someone in your family will be crying tears of joy (I have my money down on a mom). Therefore, you should make sure to use an archival pigment ink pen, which you can find at any framing or art store.

Brands we recommend:

As you sign your ketubah, be sure the ink has dried before wrapping or rolling it up. You’d hate to smear your document!

And never, ever use a felt tip pen like a Sharpie because it will bleed into the paper and potentially damage any art on your ketubah. Leave any damages to the appropriate glass portion of the ceremony!

Images courtesy of Eight20 Photography. Ketubah designed by Rachel Deitsch.

From the Vault: Real Weddings | Beverly Hills, CA

Posted on May 17, 2011 by Alison in Real Jewish Weddings

This week, The Wedding Yentas will feature some of the oldies-but-goodies that newer readers may not have seen! This Real Wedding was a favorite among readers and The Yentas because of the setting, the details, the tradition, and the so-in-love bride and groom! Featuring Runya and Jason’s wedding again is a wonderful walk down Yenta Memory Lane!

The mother of the bride and the mother of the groom are patting themselves on the back for this Real Wedding! Jason’s mom and Runya’s mom went to high school together and kept in touch over the years. Runya’s mom would send Jason’s family yearly holiday cards which had photos of her along with her family, hoping to catch his eye and to perhaps make a nice Jewish match (download the Fiddler on the Roof song on your iPod!).

Jason and Runya were at USC at the same time, both with significant others, and except of a few close calls, they never crossed paths on campus. In 2004, just four years after Runya graduated (five years for Jason), she and Jason finally connected through a mutual friend. Soon, Jason and Runya were inseparable! Just a few years later, at Casa Del Mar Hotel in Santa Monica, Jason orchestrated a special marriage proposal which culminated with a surprise…a lobby packed with all their family and friends to help them celebrate their engagement!

Runya and Jason created a ceremony that not only encompassed Jewish tradition but also included their love of music, humor and family heirlooms. Rabbi Miller who officiated at their wedding was the same Rabbi who married Runya’s parents, who blessed Runya as a baby as she was given her Hebrew name, and was a part of her Bat Mitzvah. Under the chuppah they were wrapped in Runya’s maternal grandpa’s tallit, and they knew he was smiling down on them. Jason’s maternal grandpa gave them special kiddish cups to use at the ceremony and to help them start a new tradition and pass them down from generation to generation. The couple was also grateful to have Runya’s very close friend and sorority big sister, who moonlights as a cantor, sing the beautiful blessings.

The bride girlishly giggled her way through the ceremony, and the groom’s smile warmed the already-beautiful spring evening. Then, 300-something close family and friends began celebrating! The damask cupcake tower stood tall as the guests entered the ballroom, and the dancing never stopped which was exactly what the bride and groom wanted! Runya was having such a fabulous time out on the dance floor that at the stroke of midnight, she forgot that she was still wearing her 4-inch Stewart Weitzman heels — 10 hours in heels, oy vey!!

Mazel tov, Runya and Jason!

Venue and Catering – Beverly Hills Hotel
Wedding Coordination and Design – Ariel Yve Design
Photography – Dahl Photographers
Flowers – Fiore Designs
Wedding Gown – Kenneth Pool
Veil Designer and Bridal Salon – R-Mine Bridal
Lighting – Barker Décor Services
Cupcakes – Vanilla Bakeshop
Videography – James Reid, Manifest Media
Reception Entertainment – West Coast Music
Ceremony and Cocktail Entertainment – Keith Chagall
Bridal Party’s Makeup – Latoya Daniels
Bride’s Makeup – Michele Stewart
Hair – Vicky Garcia
Bridesmaids Gowns – Vera Wang and Badgley Mischka
Groom’s Tuxedo – Hickey Freeman
Groomsmen Tuxedos – Men’s Wearhouse
Honeymoon – Grand Wailea, Maui and Princess Mediterranean Cruise

beverly-hills-hotel-jewish-wedding

FROM THE VAULT: Kiss My Glass

Posted on May 16, 2011 by Alison in Jewish Traditions

On the big day, wedding guests “oooo” and “aaaahh” while bride walks down the aisle in a beautiful white dress. The bride enjoys a shower with important women in her life where gifts come tornadoing into her lap. The bride receives an engagement ring that she proudly wears and presents to all those who gush over the exciting news. But what does a groom get? The groom gets perhaps the most exciting part of the Jewish wedding experience: He gets to break the glass!

At the end of the ceremony, a glass is placed under the groom’s foot and he stomps on it. Word to the wise that our own wedding coordinator reminded my husband: Use your heel!! You’ll get a louder crunch and you’ll prevent any accidents.

Photos by Photography by Benny and Jay Kelly Photography

There are many ideas and reasons behind this loud and “mazel tov!”-inducing ritual, and it’s interesting to learn some of the most popular. It’s always good to be equipped with a few of these reasons because a) you never know who you may impress at a cocktail party and b) every Jewish individual has heard at least one of these reasons so you’ll be well versed in this tradition.

Some rabbis say that this act serves as an expression of sadness at the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. Why do we want to think of such a sad event on a happy day? Apparently, this links the bride and groom, the new unit, to the spiritual and national destiny of the Jewish people. Jews are supposed to be thoughtful to “set Jerusalem above my highest joy,” even during one of the most joyous occasions.

For a less somber interpretation of this tradition, other rabbis who also serve as comedians the rest of the week (don’t forget to tip your waitress!) have joked that it’s the last time the groom gets to “put his foot down.” Ha. Ha. Ha.

More superstitious rabbis might say that the loud noise the glass makes when it meets the foot is helpful to ward off evil spirits. Ghosts of girlfriends past, perhaps?

For the rabbi that serves as a gynecologist on the side, the breaking of the glass symbolizes the breaking of the hymen and the consummation of marriage. Yeah. Don’t share that one at the cocktail wiener station of a party buffet.

The breaking of the glass also reminds us that the world we live in is not whole. It’s a reminder that the bride and groom came together to be a single unit, but the rest of the world is broken and needs mending. Just don’t try to mend the glass in an attempt to fix the world. You’ll end up with cuts and that’s no good.

The rabbis already have offspring in mind! The tradition promotes happiness as plentiful as the shards of glass and children as bountiful as the shards of glass. Depending on how many kids you want, make sure to tell your groom to stomp softly or forcefully.

The last example is probably my personal favorite. The glass symbolizes that, like love, it is fragile, so the relationship should be cared for and unbroken. It goes beyond making sure the “glass” has enough Jimmy Choos to fill a closet and a dozen pink roses upon the evening’s arrival. It’s about making sure the “glass” enjoys the last bite of her favorite cookie. Or that the “glass” takes a break from the dishes a couple nights a week. Or that the “glass” feels like he has an ear when he needs to vent. It’s the little things that make us feel cared for and special. Because eventually, the chuppah will be taken down and the hora will stop playing, and at the end of the night, you have an empty reception hall and a lifetime ahead of you. The wedding day is just the beginning of all your special days.

It’s important to always remember this as you start your marriage off with a bang!

Photo by Callaway Gable