Your bridesmaids are like a potpourri of your life connections. Your collection of gals might consist of a family member, high school friends, and sorority sisters. Or maybe the girls from your college cheerleading squad make up your bridal party, but they’re scattered around the country, leading their different post-graduate lives. It’s very probable that the contact you have with your bridesmaids is via GChat during the work day and on the phone during your commute home in the evenings. Texting gets you quick fixes of inside jokes and updates, and your refrigerator serves as an exhibit of all the various things going on in everyones’ lives with birth announcements, bridal shower invitations, “We’re Moving” notifications, and wedding stationery attached to the door with magnets. Today’s bride rarely has in-person access to all or most of her bridesmaids and though it may seem tedious or complicated getting everyone acquainted and on the same page, it’s actually no big deal.
How do the bridesmaids know each other if everyone can’t be together? Well, introduce them! Send out an email to all the girls and do a mini orientation by listing their names and contact information. Give some context and explain how you know them. This breaks the ice so it’s not awkward for them to interact behind your back while they plan surprises and fun events for you.
In fact, just steal this:
Hi Ladies!
I’m so excited that you’ll be part of my big day!! You are all very special to me and having you by my side as I get married to Channing Tatum (just making sure you’re still with me) makes the day even more special!
Because not everyone knows each other, I thought I’d introduce the hottest bridesmaids in the world to… the hottest bridesmaids in the world!
My Maid of Honor is ________. I know her from ____________. Her email is __________ and I’m sure she’ll be sending you more messages as the time goes on.
{here, list the rest of your girls, how you know them, and their conact info}.
Thank you for everything! I can’t wait to celebrate with you all!
Love,
Your Name
Okay, so once you’ve done the hello and how-do-you-dos, how else can you build your team of bridesmaids? You’ll have to decide on what they’ll be wearing. However, you can’t possibly cater to every girl’s taste and body. Work with your Maid of Honor to be the spearhead for this task. You want to please — it’s your tragic flaw — but it’s just not realistic to get everyone together and go shopping. Once the dresses have been selected, your Maid of Honor should instruct the bridesmaids to go to a professional tailor or dress shop to get measurements taken. Each bridesmaid should send their measurements to the Maid of Honor so she has them and can place the order with the shop that is selling the bridesmaid dresses. Your Maid of Honor needs to communicate the dress selection to the whole bridal party and the dresses really should be ordered all together so that dye lots are the same.
The bride should send out messages to the bridesmaid group about dates and costs of things with plenty of notice and several reminders afterward. It’s not that the girls are flaky or uncaring, but everyone is living their individual lives. You can’t expect that your girls will be on top of every date for your wedding events. So, just send some emails with updates about dates (rehearsal dinner, bridesmaid lunch, wedding day, day-after brunch, etc.) or with travel information once you know it. Especially if your girls are scattered around the country, you’ll want to give them inside scoop as you learn it about airfare, hotel reservations, transportation set ups, and any other travel-related pieces of information.
Make sure you give clear deadlines for bridesmaid things that have hard dates attached like dress order-by dates or RSVPs for a shower thrown by someone other than them. You can also delegate this to your MOH since you probably are too busy slash you don’t want to deal with harassing bridesmaids about these kinds of things. But that’s why choosing a MOH who’s on top of her game is super important!
Even if you’re a control freak, I don’t care — the bride does not plan her own parties like showers and bachelorettes! Just make sure to tell whoever is hosting a bridal shower that bridesmaids should be invited even if they’re not local or available. Because they’re part of your wedding inner-circle, they should be included in all events, though it is up to them if they can make them. You should make sure to communicate with them that it’s totally okay if they can’t make the shower or party. They should know they’re invited, but not pressured to travel.
As for the wedding weekend, you’ll need to set up clear communication with your bridesmaids about when everyone arrives in town so you can coordinate pick ups and car rides and hotel accommodations. You are not expected to pay for these things, but you should manage the bridesmaid reunion for your wedding weekend events. Emails with reply-all settings will help everyone stay on the same page.
Enjoy this special time with your favorite ladies. You picked them for a reason, so now is the time to enjoy your unique relationship with each bridesmaid. From sorority socials to high school football games to summer camp Shabbats, you have hundreds of memories combined with this group. Get excited to form many more for your big day!
Heidi Ryder Photography
