Monthly Archives: October 2013

How To Choose Your First Dance Song

Posted on October 23, 2013 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning

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Jessie and Zack by Mi Belle Photography

If you’re having tsuris about narrowing down and choosing a first dance song, I don’t blame you. There’s, like, a bajillion songs in the world, and agreeing on a tune that’s also “appropriate” for a wedding is super stressful.

There could be a number of reasons why you can’t settle on a song. Maybe you both met doing a super romantic dance crazy of our late 90s/early 2000s college days like, um, “grinding” to Nelly’s “Ride Wit Me” at the go-to college dive bar. Or maybe you guys have polar opposite tastes in music since you love Martina McBride and he has Flo Rida plugged into his Pandora station. Another possibility is that you are both scared out of your minds to have 200 of your closest friends and family watch you figure out what to do with both of your left feet as you attempt to partake in a age-old tradition and stumble along to a song that should make you look like the Hough duo.

These are all very legit reasons to roll your eyes about your first dance. Just take comfort in knowing that your first chance is yet another opportunity for you two to show just why you’re a fabulous couple. Make it about YOU. Not the steps. Not the song. You.

How?

Well, obviously you have to pick the song that’s special for you both. There are different kinds of “special” and you haven’t come to The Wedding Mind Readers. You’re at The Wedding Yentas so let’s have an open discussion about what you need to actually ask yourself.

Is there a song that has a special meaning to your relationship? Was there something playing in the background of the place where you first met, and the music swelled as you laid eyes on each other and drums pounded as he took your breath away and a dramatic key change orchestrated your first exchanged smile? If so, you either met on the set of a Nicholas Sparks book-turned-movie or you have a really cool life. And if that’s the case, well, there’s your song.

Also, there might be a song that reminds you of an event that you enjoyed together. Maybe a musical or a concert or a charity dinner. Perhaps you will enjoy dancing to a song that played during a special memory you made together.

Consider the style or theme of your wedding and think about songs that may fit in. For example, if you’re having a sea side wedding, a beachy song might be a perfect choice for your first dance (think: Beach Boys?). If it’s a destination, maybe choose something that’s from that geography’s culture or song book.

Be cheesy. Cheesy doesn’t equal tacky. Let’s face it, the first dance is a pretty romantic part of the wedding, so maybe brainstorm some super romantic songs. I’m talkin’ about the ones that are played on late night infomercials where the titles scroll across the screen and a washed up D-list actor describes the album while sipping a glass of wine. Yeah, that guy.

Crossing fingers here, but maybe you both love the same band or singer? If that’s the case, choose a song from that list. Say you guys are both Jason Mraz fans; there are definitely a few options that would work great for a first dance. Narrowing down like that makes selecting a single song much easier.

Once you’ve decided on your song, make sure that your DJ can get it (if it’s obscure) or that your band can play it. For example, my husband and I danced to “For Once In My Life” which most people know as a Stevie Wonder song. But unless Stevie himself was going to play at our wedding, it’s one of those songs better left alone. For a jazzier and more romantic version, we asked our band to play it like Michael Buble performs it, and it sounded great. They did a little research and got their act together perfectly. I liked that it was a known song, but the version wasn’t as well-known so people weren’t as quick to judge or compare with the radio cut by Stevie.

Even after these pointers, if you’re still not obsessed with your first dance song and you don’t care to bathe in a pool of its sheet music, it’s okay. After all, it is just a dance and takes up approximately 3.5 minutes of your entire wedding day. No one is going to know if it isn’t the single song that exactly describes the way your heart beats for your partner. If you both just like it and it serves the purpose of a step-together-step-touch, then you’re good to go. It does not have to be the defining moment of the world’s greatest romance.

And if you’re not interested in doing a choreographed number and the idea of swaying back and forth like 7th graders gives you anxiety, choose something upbeat and fun! There are no rules. It’s your wedding day and your dance.

If you’re not even sure about being the center of dancing attention, you can always ask your MC to invite everyone to dance with you. One big group first dance to start off the evening and, oh look!, it just happens to be your first dance as marrieds.

According to Michael, a recent groom, “I think in the end you have to pick something that will just make the two of you happy. There is no such thing as the ‘perfect song.’ Too many variables. Do you like the song? Does it make you smile and think of your bride/groom when you hear it? Does it fit you as a couple? If the answers are “yes” then I think you’ve found your first dance.”

What first dance song did you choose? What are you thinking of using? Share some of your ideas here!

Rachel and Justin by Erin Johnson Photography

{Real Jewish Weddings} Chicago, IL

Posted on October 22, 2013 by Alison in Real Jewish Weddings

What a sweet wedding day for a couple of Northwestern college sweethearts! Katya and Frank now reside in Minnesota, but came back to Chicago for their wedding to change their title to “Chicago Wedding Sweethearts”.

The softer side of Frank quickly emerged the moment he saw Katya and it was love at first sight all over again. In order to document their love in the city that brought them together, Katya and Frank embarked on an ambitious four-location shoot in just three hours before the ceremony! Can’t blame them — Chicago is a beautiful city to photograph and adding a bride and groom into the mix only elevates its beauty!

One note for upcoming brides is that if you’re seeking to make more time for your portrait session on your wedding day, the easiest way to do it is to have your ceremony and reception in the same place. By not having to transfer from one location to another it can easily free up an additional hour or two on the day of your wedding. For those planning a Chicago Wedding, it’s ideal to then stay in the city for your portraits. If your wedding is in the suburbs then ideally your portraits should also be in the suburbs. Use your engagement session to head off to a location that you might not be able to make on the day of your wedding.

As the night got going there were shots, toasts, dancing, more shots, more dancing and most importantly, an ice cream truck. The Bridgeport Art Center has such a large elevator that even a truck can fit inside. This let the truck roll right on into the reception hall and serve guests a fun midnight treat!

Mazel tov, Katya and Frank!

Photographer: Michael Novo Photography
Reception Venue: Bridgeport Art Center
Ceremony Location: LaMirage Restaurant
Cake Designer: Oak Mill Bakery
Officiant: Rabbi Tillman
Specialty Foods: Sam’s Ice Cream Truck
Cinema and Video: Shadow Vision Films
Event Planner: You Name It Chicago

Submitted via Two Bright Lights

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{Real Jewish Weddings} Malibu, CA

Posted on October 21, 2013 by Alison in Real Jewish Weddings

Michelle and Michael’s perfect day at Rancho Del Cielo in Malibu is a wonderful example of allowing the wedding space to shine without too much clutter in other details. Simple, clean, refreshing florals helped adorn the natural environment, working in balance for a romantic style palette. The emotion that B&G Photography captured spills out of every image, with a complete documentation of the giggles, the sighs, the tears, and the love. And the view. Oh the view! Atop a mountain in Malibu, Rancho Del Cielo is an idyllic venue because the bride and groom truly dance in their own little slice of sky. And speaking of dance, look at their first boogie together as husband and wife; looks like it must’ve been quite a production! On the next season of “Dancing With The Stars”…

Mazel tov, Michelle and Michael!

Photographer: B&G Photography
Venue: Rancho Del Cielo
Wedding Coordinator: Crystal Clear Weddings & Occasions
Flowers: Peony & Plum Floral Design
Hair Stylist: Mariah Nicole Makeup & Hair Artistry
Cinematographer: Isabel Cinémathéque
DJ: Red Shoe

Tuxedo 911: How My Husband Lost His Tux On Our Wedding Night

Posted on October 17, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas, Inside Scoop, Witty

Mr. Yenta’s Tuxedo
May 25, 2008 – May 25, 2008
Loyal Fancy Suit and Trusted Wedding Costume
RIP

That’s right. Let’s pour a little out for my husband’s wedding tuxedo, which we recently discovered had passed away, most likely, on our wedding night. One wear – and an important one! – but such a short life in Mr. Yenta’s side of the closet.

A few months before our wedding, he purchased his Ralph Lauren (ooo! Fancy!) tuxedo from the tux shop that also outfitted the rentals for the groomsmen. Because he wishes he lived in the world of The Great Gatsby, he wanted to own a tuxedo and to wear it to future formal events. Trouble is, we’re not living out our years at speakeasies and garden parties, so Ralph the Tux wasn’t seeing the light of day.

Finally, four years after our wedding, we would have two formal weddings to attend, giving reason for Husband Yenta to unearth Ralph from the avalanche of work polos and khakis to try on for the upcoming nuptials of our good friends and his sister, events that were happening two weeks apart.

The biggest concern was the elephant in the room: would Ralph still glide right on like butta the way it did on our wedding day or had four years of marital bliss also brought on marital bulge?

Well, friends, you’ll have to stay in suspense because the truth is, we don’t know.

(this is probably a good thing).

(except it’s not because there’s more to this story).

When Mr. Yenta brought Ralph into the light of our bedroom, he noticed that the jacket did not match the pants. The pants were labeled as Ralph as they should, but the jacket was a random, generic name and was accompanied by [gasp!] a bar code!

It’s a little tricky to replay the series of events that took place four years ago after coming off the high of getting married and a perfect night, but we, Mr. and Mrs. Sherlock Holmes, deduced that upon the scurry of gathering up our items at the end of our wedding night, Mr. Yenta’s purchased Ralph Lauren tuxedo jacket got scooped up and piled up with the rentals that the groomsmen were returning the next day. Do not worry, dear ones. The Ralph Lauren tuxedo pants remained on his person.

After a hot and steamy Horah, my dashing groom probably removed his jacket, draped it over a chair, and, never to be worn again, would go back to the rental store from which it was purchased, and live among the coming and going jackets of a lesser caliber. And what my husband took home? One of the groomsmen’s assigned weekend jacket.

Apparently, the tux shop counted units and paid no attention to the labels on the inside of the returned tuxedos. “One, two, three, four? Yup. Got ’em! Thanks for your business! Mazel tov and ta ta!”

So now the lower half of the Ralph Lauren tuxedo has been orphaned without a buddy. The tuxedo shop has changed its entire scanning system since our wedding five years ago – we checked – and the Ralph is long gone. Once worn. Never forgotten.

The moral of this sad tale that details the demise of an otherwise perfect penguin suit? At the end of your wedding reception, please do make sure your husband leaves with his jacket. Make sure that the groomsmen all leave with theirs. Menswear isn’t exactly too exciting to the naked eye, and it’s too easy for them to be mistaken for similar versions.

As for the two weddings we enjoyed last year? Well, it was just too soon to replace the fallen formalwear. Blame it on sentimentality. Blame it on the left the bottom half of Ralph behind and joined the ranks of the renters. It all worked out and one day, he’ll purchase a new tux, but maybe we’ll settle on something that can’t get mixed up; polka dots or zebra stripe print would really be fun, wouldn’t it?

Wedding Advice From A Seasoned Mother of the Bride & Groom

Posted on October 16, 2013 by Alison in From the Expert, Inside Scoop, Planning

As the mother of the groom five years ago and mother of the bride one year ago, Ellen has had in-depth experiences celebrating wonderful simchas. With this experience, she has cultivated wisdom about being a mother along for this wedding ride, and is happy to share her lessons with fellow Yentas!

I’ve been the mother of a bride and the mother of a groom! They are both wonderful things to be, but can be very different experiences, but it’s all about how you handle and choose to see them. I was the groom’s mother first, and although I never searched extensively for information about the etiquette or what’s involved in being the mother of the groom in terms of planning a wedding, I did do some reading, and first and foremost used my instincts.

Let’s face it, we mothers are all females first, and as such, we should understand how important weddings can be particularly to our fellow females! So, the first thing I did was put myself in my future daughter-in-law’s place. I knew that I would have wanted to make my own decisions regarding my own wedding, so I let her and my son plan the wedding of their dreams.

Of course there are factors to take into consideration depending on the families’ payment and hosting philosophies. Budget plays an important part in the planning of a wedding and everyone knows that the more money you have to spend, the more options you have. Here’s my thing, and I feel very strongly about it: Single-sided payment or hosting is a thing of the past in my eyes. The tradition of having the bride’s parents pay for the majority of the wedding dates back to the time of the dowry system. This custom began out of a desire to get the bride’s family to contribute a share of the costs involved in setting up a new household. For me, this is an antiquated tradition that really doesn’t apply to modern society. I found that working with the bride’s family and setting up an equal and fair budget that worked for both families took the pressure off of the engaged couple and gave everyone a voice in the decision-making.

The point is, if you’re involved financially, then it’s always nice for the “kids” to take your opinions into consideration, but just because that’s nice, doesn’t mean you should demand your opinions be heard. If you’re contributing with cash, it’s more than likely because it’s out of the goodness of your heart anyway, and you want for your kids to have a wedding day that’s in line with their vision.

I also trusted my son and his fiancée. They were certainly capable of making intelligent decisions about what they wanted on their day. In other words, as the mother of the groom, I basically chose to, for the most part, butt out! My husband and I were lucky in that my son and future daughter-in-law were great about including us in what their ultimate decisions were, and asked for our “OK” before we put any deposits down or paid for anything.

Photo by Eight20 Photography

I think, though, that in part, this was because we never forced our opinions on them. They were free to make their own choices and just do a “double-check” with us. It made for such a smooth planning process and ultimately a spectacular wedding. As the mother of the groom — or bride! — it’s important to realize that the choices may not be exactly what you want, but it’s not your wedding.

MOGS, take it from me; the less you say, the better. You already had your day, and even if you might have missed out, your children’s wedding is not the time for you to try to have it vicariously through them. While I don’t suggest you do the old fashioned MOG behavior of “wear beige and shut up”, I encourage you to ask questions, be supportive, and ask “how can I help”? Trust me!

And by the way, followed my own advice when I was the mother of the bride as well. I was as supportive as I could be without being pushy, and it worked again! Find that middle ground! And mazel tov!

Photo by ES Photo