The Wedding Yentas is so excited to introduce Yenta-quette, a new installation of questions and answers about wedding etiquette from a Los Angeles foodie, social butterfly, and former Real Weddings bride, Desiree Jacobs. Be on the lookout for Desiree’s column that will share real answers to real questions about the why and how of wedding planning!
Desiree, more than anything, enjoys coming home from work and putting on pajamas. She loves to eat Mexican food and sushi (not together) and couldn’t live without chocolate. She’s got a penchant for reality tv and 90s music. She lives with her husband Richard and the cutest dog that ever lived, Breaker. She wears a size 7 shoe and would love the entire current Sam Edelman collection and black Louboutains. Feel free to send them her way! Oh and Kate Spade bags are also appreciated. If you love Yenta-quette and you’re like, “I NEED MORE OF THAT” visit her blog at www.bundtsofsteelblog.com.
Are you required to ask a friend to be in your wedding if you were in hers?
My dear, your wedding is one of your most special of days. I’m sure you were flattered, or perhaps you were surprised when your friend asked you to be in her wedding. Every bride and every couple has unique circumstances that will impact their wedding. Your wedding should be exactly that, UNIQUE and reflective of you as a couple. I wish I could say you aren’t “required” or obligated to do anything you don’t want to for your wedding, but of course we all have to make compromises here and there. However, choosing members of your wedding party should not be one of them!
You should surround yourself with the people who are the most important to you, the most supportive of you, and people who you feel will be there for you in the years to come. No one wants to look back at their wedding photos and not still have those friends who stood at the chuppah with you not be in their life anymore. That would be so sad. Maybe you were closer with your friend around the time of her wedding and you’ve grown apart. Maybe she chose girls based on different criteria than you are selecting bridesmaids on, and maybe she had every single girl she has ever met in her wedding party. Either way, you meant something to her at that point in her life, but maybe she holds a different place at this point in your life.
There are things we sometimes do to make parents happy for our weddings, but your bridesmaids should be friends or family that are chosen without any obligatoin. Ask your girlfriends to stand up there with you because you can’t imagine them not there with you, not because you were in her wedding. Her feelings might be hurt, yes, and my wedding wish for you is that she is mature enough not to make you feel badly about your choices and that she attends and dances the hora at your wedding because she is nothing but happy for you!
What’s the protocol for food selection? Do I have to give an option of chicken or fish or can I just choose one entree for my guests with vegetarian options on hand that night for those who don’t eat meat?
Alas, food: one of my favorite topics in life! I have been to my fair share of weddings and I honestly don’t remember the food from the majority of them. Just like the kitchen is the heart of the home, the food can be a high point of your wedding. Don’t get stuck in the chicken or fish trap! Have fun with this, please! Your guests will thank you. If it’s an economical choice, by all means, choose something affordable. But if budget is no issue, have filet, have jidori chicken, have loup de mer, have a fabulous truffled mushroom ravioli. Please, no blah steamed vegetable sides! Push your caterer to present you with foods that represent you as a couple and how you want your wedding to feel. The food at your wedding is a great time to make a statement about the new Mr. and Mrs. Maybe you’re having a rustic fete in a vineyard? Find a caterer who uses locally sourced produce and let them do their thing. Don’t ever feel like you need to conform to some traditional chicken or fish option. Of course, be courteous and offer something for guests with dietary restrictions and preferences, but don’t base your menu around your picky Aunt Sarah or stuffy Bubbe. PLAY IT UP! What do you love to eat? Serve your most favorite foods and your wedding will only be more YOU because of it. Have fun with this one!
How do I determine a guest list for my rehearsal dinner? What about for our brunch the day after our wedding?
Your rehearsal dinner is the first big kick off to your wedding and it’s a really exciting event! It’s basically your wedding pre-party. The bare minimum of who to invite would include everyone who attended the wedding rehearsal which includes your wedding party and parents, and perhaps close family. It is also polite to invite guests who are traveling from out of town to be at your wedding. These guests have spent a decent amount of money to be with you for the weekend and it is nice to feed them the night before the big day. It will give you the opportunity to spend a little more time with these guests and will make the night even more festive with some extra company. If you are able to accommodate even more guests, you can more extended family members, close family friends, and good friends of the couple who are not in the wedding party, but who mean a lot to you. It is also nice to include any hostesses who threw you showers in this list if your budget and the venue can accommodate them.
If you are hosting brunch the morning after your wedding, you should definitely invite any guests who have stayed overnight after the wedding, the wedding party, and close family. Again, if there are others that live close to the venue that you would like to include, you can, but you shouldn’t feel obligated. This meal is really for those who stayed over after a night of partying and celebrating the new Mr. and Mrs!
