There are the traditional words that your officiant will have you repeat as you go through your Jewish or interfaith ceremony, but it may be your wish to express yourselves with your own personal words. I love the idea of writing your vows to customize your wedding because your guests get a chance to get to know you even better as individuals and as a couple.
You may be the type to have written your vows months in advance with a confident grin sprayed across your face. Or, you may be the type to be in the middle of your eyelash application on the morning of your wedding still without any idea of what to say. Whether you’re a planner or a last minute writer, these tips should be able to help you feel good about the words you’ll share with your love in front of your loved ones.
There’s nothing worse than writer’s block. Trust me. I know this first hand. There are so many nights I stare at a blank page on the back end of The Wedding Yentas and agonize over what to write for all of you. But then I just … write. I just dump out ideas. They are raw and messy and completely disjointed, but once I find a concept that seems to afford itself some kind of direction, I then fine tune the words so they make sense for you. You should’ve seen THIS post before that whole exercise. Oy!
So, what I’m saying is, jot down some notes. Scribble out some thoughts. They don’t have to make sense to anyone, but you. This step of the process is more of a brain wake up than a development of a masterpiece.
You can even do some research. Yes, you can even Google your wedding vows. I don’t mean to tell you to copy a stranger’s words entirely, but perhaps you’ll stumble across something that inspires you. Or maybe you’ll find a quote that you’ll want to weave into your own vows. This is a great way to fuel your ideas and personal words.
Then, add some of your own anecdotes. You can go all out with the mush factor or you can spice up your vows with humor. Personally, I love a little mish-mosh of both. A little sarcasm has a place in a wedding ceremony. Plus, if you don’t have a sense of humor, the ebbs and flows of marriage are going to be a little rough on you. May as well set the humorous tone from the very beginning, right?
You can list things that are important to you. For instance, I vowed to give Mr. Yenta total ownership of the remote control and to let him eat all the mushrooms off my plate because I hate them (plus, he’s a fun guy… haha, get it?). Then I also went the sappy route, declaring how much he changed my life for the better and opening up about our dreams for the future. I tied in our interests — theatre, baseball, traveling, food — and also touched on some memories. I sealed it in with my feelings. I share this to assist you in your brainstorm for your own vows.
Lastly, when you finally settle on your words, your tone, and your flow, you’ll want to rehearse it a little so you’re comfortable with the words in your mouth. You don’t have to memorize it because often, vows recited by memory sound insincere. But you should at least be very familiar with it so that you’ll feel secure if you end up getting distracted from giggles or, more likely, tears.
And if you come up with your vows minutes before walking down the aisle then all I have to tell you is to speak from your heart like I hope you will from that day forward.
