Author Archives: Alison

Attacking The Cocktail Hour

Posted on January 16, 2013 by Alison in Ask The Yentas, Inside Scoop, Planning, Witty

2012 was definitely the year of love, as my husband and I attended five weddings from August to December! By now, we feel we have memorized the general wedding ceremony and have mastered the art of leaving a guestbook message. Three of those weddings were Jewish weddings, so we definitely got our fair share of Horah time, and if I don’t do another grapevine for a couple more months, my feet (in heels!) will be OK.

No, really, weddings are fun, and we are lucky that members of our circle of friends and family are tying the knot and joining the Marrieds Club.

All this wedding-guesting, though, has gotten my husband quite a reputation as the Cocktail Hour Stalker. It sounds creepier than it is. What this means is that his favorite time of the whole Wedding Olympics is that glorious hour between the “I do” and the dancing: Cocktail Hour, AKA sixty minutes of miniature food items being passed around on trays, like a real life episode of Downton Abbey.

By the fifth wedding of the year in Chicago, our friends at the wedding checked in with my husband to make sure he was OK. Not because he’d fallen on aisle treatments. Not because he drank too much during the toasts. But to make sure he’d had enough of those coveted mac and cheese cups, or tomato soup shots and mini grilled cheese sandwiches duets, or beef satay wraps. Apparently, his consumption and approval of the hors d’oeuvre were a front-and-center concern.

Floataway Studio

Cocktail houring is basically an artform. If you have upcoming weddings on your calendar, here are some ways to enjoy this foodtastic time, as demonstrated by Husband Yenta (Yento?):

There’s the obvious Stand At The Kitchen Exit method. After the ceremony, find the space between the exit and the kitchen. Make like a lion in the Serengeti and lie in wait. When the unsuspecting cocktail hour server appears with tray in hand, pounce.
However, the above tactic won’t work if the servers get smart to your method. At the last wedding we went to, the servers sprinted out of the kitchen avoiding the area where people congregated to get their paws on the grub. In that case, head toward the back of the room. Servers will also tend to cover this section to accommodate some more sedentary guests, like older folks. I’m NOT condoning you steal appetizers out of the hands of senior citizens. I’m merely advising an additional location for prosperous appetizer consumption.
Split up. Make alliances. This is serious business. Partner up with your wedding date or another friend in case the servers are onto your shenanigans. Each of you can take turns picking up appetizers and sharing them. Maybe you are on chicken skewer duty while your partner is in charge of bruschetta. Divide and conquer.
Make friends with the servers. One of the servers at a 2012 wedding was a bit of a cranky pants. Every time we’d try to take an appetizer from her tray, she’d run away. She even began to appear from the kitchen with NAPKINS ON TOP OF THE FOOD to HIDE it from US. She was on a mission to keep food out of our hungry bellies. So instead, we found a young, cute, not-a-sour-puss server and told him that Scowly Face over there wasn’t stopping for us and could he help a sista out? His perfectly Crest-whitened teeth sparkled and I swore I heard a “ding!” when he smiled. Sure enough, all the mac-and-cheese cups were ours to enjoy for eternity… if the cocktail hour had gone on that long. Besties for life, yo.
If all else fails, drink. It IS cocktail hour after all.

{Real Jewish Weddings} Kansas City, MO

Posted on January 15, 2013 by Alison in Real Jewish Weddings

Modern. Urban. Chic. These are three words to describe Lauren and Jared’s beautiful Kansas City, Missouri wedding. This super cute couple was married surrounded by loved ones and a bridal party clad in royal purple. Fitting, because such a color is perfect for a bride and groom who should be queen and king on their wedding day!

Special “wow” goes to the candle lit aisle that lead the way to the chuppah. Votives in crystal clear floor candelabras added a dramatic and romantic flair to the event design, and if you can pull this off at your venue, I’d give you major thumbs up for it.

Mazel tov, Lauren and Jared!

Kansas City Jewish Weddings

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Check back on Thursday to see Lauren and Jared’s gorgeous wedding day trailer from Creative Films!

Venue: Westin Crown Center
Photography: Mike Freeland Photography
Cinematography: Creative Films
Flowers: Studio Dan Meiners
Wedding Gown Salon: The Gown Gallery
Band: Galaxy
Wedding Coordinator: Angela Grojean

Giving Out Love to Your Out of Towners

Posted on January 14, 2013 by Alison in Planning, Uncategorized

Wedding guests who are coming from out of town must really love you! No, really, this isn’t meant to be a guilt trip, but people who take the time and spend the money to travel to be at your wedding are people who hold you near and dear to their heart. So it’s truly an honor when out-of-town guests RSVP “yes!” to your wedding and Yentas etiquette recommends you do your best to make them feel at home and accommodated while they’re visiting you on your home turf.

You want to make their stay an enjoyable and memorable experience. Group rates on hotel rooms help them make the most of their wedding travel buck. It’s easy to do: Call two to three hotels, tell them you’re expecting a ballpark figure of wedding guests, and negotiate a group rate for a block of rooms. For your own sanity — and bank account — make sure the hotel doesn’t require you to pay a minimum. Some will, some won’t. Depends on the property. Just be aware that this is policy from time-to-time and you should be fine. Once you’ve secured your room rates, send advance notice to your out-of-town guests to let them know their options and rates. Include addresses of the hotels and approximate distances from the wedding-related events they would be invited to attend. Usually there’s a hotel deadline to reserve a room at the provided rate, so don’t forget to include the book-by date as well so guests don’t miss out and blame you!

You may want to provide welcome bags to your out-of-town guests. This is not a requirement, but it is a nice gesture and a popular wedding trend. The welcome bag can include basics like water, some snacks, an extra invitation or a print-out of the dates, times, and locations of wedding-related events, a list of things to do in the area, and maybe even a novelty item. The last wedding I went to was in Chicago and I loved how the couple included iconic Chicago items in the bags: packs of Wrigley gum, Garrett’s popcorn, and yummy potato chips made by a local company. Including a thank you note for coming shows your out-of-towners that you appreciate the extra effort and expense it took to travel to your wedding.

For your reference, use this checklist to help you organize and plan for your out-of-town guests:

Hotel

Reserve a block of rooms
Confirm reservations

Transportation

Set up shuttle service to the ceremony
Set up shuttle service to the reception
Set up shuttle service to the hotel(s)
Set up shuttle service to the planned events

Meals

Plan a pre-wedding dinner (Shabbat dinner, rehearsal dinner, welcome cocktail hour)
Plan a post-wedding brunch

Information

Supply directions to the hotel, ceremony, and reception
Supply maps of the local area
Supply brochures of attractions in the area
Mail information to guests prior to their departure
Supply hotel with the information

Welcome Gifts

Prepare welcome bags
Prepare welcome letters
Prepare schedule of events
Deliver welcome gifts to the hotel(s) to be handed out at guests’ check-in

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Aufruf: The Sweet Details

Posted on January 10, 2013 by Alison in Real Jewish Weddings

A few weeks ago, my friend posted on her Facebook page: “Getting candy thrown at me.”

I smiled. I knew exactly what was taking place for her, a week before her destination wedding. Some people might have seen that Facebook post and thought she was having a tardy and personal Halloween extravaganza or that she was vacationing with Wonka. A few of our friends hadn’t heard of this tradition, so for those of you in the dark, and you’re asking WTF is the Aufruf, well, here we go!

You and your groom have been planning for months and months, probably. Every conversation involves the word “wedding” and every time you see white, you get excited. The wedding planning process consumes a big chunk of your life, but the wedding festivities don’t really begin until about a week before the special day.

On the Shabbat prior to the wedding, the couple goes to synagogue and experiences the Jewish custom called the Aufruf. In modern congregations, the bride and groom experience this together, but traditionally, the Aufruf is when the groom is called to the bimah for an aliyah and recite a blessing over the Torah. Judaism honors children and the gifts they bring to the world. Creating children means continued faith and Torah study for the Jewish people. Therefore, it is no surprise that the groom’s aliyah includes reading the letters of the Torah, which contain the ten utterances of creation.

When the Aufruf takes place in relation to the wedding day varies depending on the family of Jewish people to which the bride and groom belong. Ashkenazi Jews enjoy the Aufruf ceremony on the Shabbat before the wedding. The Aufruf is held for Sephardic Jews on the Shabbat after the wedding. So, to recap: Ashkenazi, before; Sephardic, after. It’s even in alphabetical order and everything. Add that to the catchy methods to learn things like PEMDAS for math or Every Good Boy Does Fine for memorizing lines on a treble clef staff. But I digress…

Here’s the best part of the Aufruf. The congregation throws candy at you!!! CANDY. Thrown. In your direction. It’s like Halloween for almost-married grown ups. Like everything in Judaism, it’s symbolic. The candy symbolizes a sweet and fruitful marriage blessed with many children.

After the Aufruf, the family hosts a Kiddush for the congregation. Clearly it is an unspoken Jewish law to eat after any sort of milestone, so Aufruf joins the company of such life cycle occasions.

My husband and I are not super religious or traditional, but we do love traditions. We decided to participate in an Aufruf and it was so fun and special. Just being up on the bimah together, holding hands, reciting an aliyah, and receiving the rabbi’s blessings reminded us that the wedding day was near where we would again be brought together under the chuppah to become husband and wife. If your rabbi offers an opportunity for an Aufruf, I highly recommend taking part in this custom because it’s a wonderful stepping stone on your path to the ultimate wedding experience.

Standing Up For The Bride

Posted on January 9, 2013 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning

I had everything planned meticulously for my wedding, that I didn’t expect any surprises. I knew what my florals would look like. I knew what my band would sound like. I knew what my cake would taste like. I spent so much time researching and planning, that when it came to the actual day, I didn’t expect any surprises and I was right; everything went swimmingly. There was one aspect, though, that I never considered and that was the overwhelming and wonderful feeling of walking down the aisle with my parents to see people from all different parts of my life coming together to witness Bryan and me say, “I do.” I never anticipated what that would feel like, and it felt amazing.

As I walked to the instrumental of the Beatles’ “Here, There, and Everywhere,” and I came into sight, I saw our wedding guests rise and I was hit with an avalanche of emotion. It was the one detail I forgot about, that traditionally, the guests stand for the bride, and I was floored.

Eight20 Photography

You can see it in my wedding photos. I look like I am losin’ it, but I was just so beyond touched and in my head, I was girl-squealing like never before.

I totally forgot that this was, ya know, a “thing,” and so imagine my surprise this year when, at three of the five weddings I attended, as a guest or as the maid of honor, I had to initiate or cue the standing!

I’ve since done some research. I can’t find anything about the tradition or history of standing up for the bride other than back in the day, before people talked about Jewish weddings, when the bride walked down the aisle in church, the guests stood up, but it was more about worshipping God than the bride. However, this obviously doesn’t apply to a Jewish wedding ceremony, so what is the reason for standing up for the bride? The only reason I can come up with is that it’s out of respect. After all, a bride is considered a queen on her wedding day, and when the queen passes by, you stand!

At my sister-in-law’s wedding this year, I was already standing as the MOH, and I tried to signal everyone to stand when the bride walked down the aisle, but no one was looking at me (nor should they!) to notice my hand flipping up and down under my bouquet. At another wedding, I sat toward the front and as all of us in our seats could see the beautiful bride walking into the room, everyone continued to stare, but no one stood. It felt very wrong to me, so I turned to my husband and my friends in my row and whispered, “It’s stand up time!” People gradually followed my lead and stood up, and as the bride was halfway down the aisle, the guests were standing.

Henry Photographers

Perhaps you don’t want the guests to stand for you. Maybe it’s embarrassing. Maybe you think you don’t need to be viewed as a queen (I’m telling you that it’s OK to be a queen for the day, but to each her own!). And if that’s what you want, then you can stop reading now.

But if you are like me and you are concerned that there is an epidemic of not standing for the bride goin’ around (maybe everyone’s too busy Facebooking your photo in real time?) here are some pieces of advice:

Ask a yenta friend/someone who isn’t shy to lead the stand-up. Everyone is sheep. They’ll follow if one or two people to do it. They KNOW they’re supposed to and probably just forgot. So tell two friends in advance to stand up when it’s your time to walk down.
Have your officiant request that everyone stand for the bride. It doesn’t have to be a commandment from God. No tablets or mountain necessary. Just a soft, calm, “Please rise for the bride” on the mic.
Choose a song that’s different from the rest of the processional. This indicates that something big is about to go down, as in, the bride, herself, is coming down the aisle. Request that the music pause between songs to really drive the point. I know this sounds obnoxious, but no one will think that it is.
Indiciate it in your program. In your processional list, just before your name, the program can read “Friends and Family Rise for Bride” and then list your name and parents’ names. This is no different or more ballsy than listing the breaking of the glass and writing, “Everyone yells ‘Mazel tov!'” Even the audience sometimes needs stage directions.

However, if no one stands, it’s not the end of the world. The brides I’ve spoken to didn’t even notice! And, their photographers and videographers got money shots because no one was blocking their entrance or big stroll down the aisle.

Some people may have different opinions on the matter. Since I, ahem, sometimes offer my opinion on The Wedding Yentas, I will say that I am a pro-stander. I like standing up for the bride and it’s the moment I always get emotional. I stand up, stare at her beauty, and as she passes me, I smile so big to let her know I have her back on her most special day. I’ve stood up for her.