Category Archives: From the Expert

As the mother of the groom five years ago and mother of the bride one year ago, Ellen has had in-depth experiences celebrating wonderful simchas. With this experience, she has cultivated wisdom about being a mother along for this wedding ride, and is happy to share her lessons with fellow Yentas!

I’ve been the mother of a bride and the mother of a groom! They are both wonderful things to be, but can be very different experiences, but it’s all about how you handle and choose to see them. I was the groom’s mother first, and although I never searched extensively for information about the etiquette or what’s involved in being the mother of the groom in terms of planning a wedding, I did do some reading, and first and foremost used my instincts.

Let’s face it, we mothers are all females first, and as such, we should understand how important weddings can be particularly to our fellow females! So, the first thing I did was put myself in my future daughter-in-law’s place. I knew that I would have wanted to make my own decisions regarding my own wedding, so I let her and my son plan the wedding of their dreams.

Of course there are factors to take into consideration depending on the families’ payment and hosting philosophies. Budget plays an important part in the planning of a wedding and everyone knows that the more money you have to spend, the more options you have. Here’s my thing, and I feel very strongly about it: Single-sided payment or hosting is a thing of the past in my eyes. The tradition of having the bride’s parents pay for the majority of the wedding dates back to the time of the dowry system. This custom began out of a desire to get the bride’s family to contribute a share of the costs involved in setting up a new household. For me, this is an antiquated tradition that really doesn’t apply to modern society. I found that working with the bride’s family and setting up an equal and fair budget that worked for both families took the pressure off of the engaged couple and gave everyone a voice in the decision-making.

The point is, if you’re involved financially, then it’s always nice for the “kids” to take your opinions into consideration, but just because that’s nice, doesn’t mean you should demand your opinions be heard. If you’re contributing with cash, it’s more than likely because it’s out of the goodness of your heart anyway, and you want for your kids to have a wedding day that’s in line with their vision.

I also trusted my son and his fiancée. They were certainly capable of making intelligent decisions about what they wanted on their day. In other words, as the mother of the groom, I basically chose to, for the most part, butt out! My husband and I were lucky in that my son and future daughter-in-law were great about including us in what their ultimate decisions were, and asked for our “OK” before we put any deposits down or paid for anything.

Photo by Eight20 Photography

I think, though, that in part, this was because we never forced our opinions on them. They were free to make their own choices and just do a “double-check” with us. It made for such a smooth planning process and ultimately a spectacular wedding. As the mother of the groom — or bride! — it’s important to realize that the choices may not be exactly what you want, but it’s not your wedding.

MOGS, take it from me; the less you say, the better. You already had your day, and even if you might have missed out, your children’s wedding is not the time for you to try to have it vicariously through them. While I don’t suggest you do the old fashioned MOG behavior of “wear beige and shut up”, I encourage you to ask questions, be supportive, and ask “how can I help”? Trust me!

And by the way, followed my own advice when I was the mother of the bride as well. I was as supportive as I could be without being pushy, and it worked again! Find that middle ground! And mazel tov!

Photo by ES Photo

It’s so exciting to have an expert in the house! When it comes to dresses, Mill Crest Vintage knows their stuff! Personally, I’ve always loved antiques and historical items. I may not be a mathematician (when I hear “pi” I think pumpkin and apple), but I do know this: vintage styles + wedding = gorgeous! Today, Mill Crest Vintage is on board to tell us all about which kinds of dresses should go on various body types. Paula Cooperman, owner of Mill Crest Vintage, has spent three decades hand selecting each piece to add to her amazing collection of vintage bridal wear for both the traditional and non traditional bride, so she really knows about the potpourri of styles out there — from vintage to new — that do a body good! She has an amazing eye for detail and a great passion for finding what makes a woman feel the most beautiful on her wedding day. Offering personal and private bridal consultations in her Lambertville, New Jersey bridal salon, Paula has had the opportunity to work with hundreds of brides, gaining both experience and expertise in what goes into selecting a vintage wedding dresses and vintage bridesmaid dresses.

So the big day is almost here and you are now on the hunt for your wedding dress. You’ve scoured the magazines, surfed the web, and perhaps even taken pen to paper with your own designs in mind. Still, you have yet to find the dress that balances your (since you were 12 years old with a towel on your head running around the house singing “Here Comes The Bride”) dress of your dreams expectations, with the reality of your figure. While some very lucky gals out there can truly wear just about anything, the other 99% of us didn’t quite get the luck of the draw. Truth be told, it is not the size that matters (insert joke here) but instead, the shape. Yes lovelies, no matter what the scale says, figuring out one’s shape is much more important than one’s actual size. I hear ya! It’s about time someone finally focused on something other than the scale.

Seriously though, there is a good reason for all of this “figure out your figure” talk. The idea is to create the illusion of balance between the shoulder and the hip. Truthfully, this should be the ultimate goal for any woman when considering any dress. By determining one’s shape, a woman can determine which style of dress will balance out her figure best.

Here’s what we’re analyzing: pears, apples and squashes (yes, evidently squash is a fruit. Who knew?)

Ok, doll, time to get in front of a mirror and give yourself a good once over. Ask yourself: Am I shaped more like a pear (wider at the bottom than on the top)? How about an apple shape (wider in the middle than on top or bottom)? Perhaps I am shaped more like a squash (hourglass shaped)? Determining which fruit you most resemble will be the biggest and most important step in choosing the perfect dress.

For you pear shaped gals, stick with A-line dresses, as well as, halter style dresses. A-line dresses look great on the pear shaped figure because the A-line dress is narrow at the top and flares gently at the base thus, drawing attention to the upper body, shoulders, and neck while disguising the wider hips and thighs. The halter top style dresses look great on a pear shaped body, too, especially because the desire is to flatter the bust and draw attention away from the problem area (the wider hip). Choose a halter style dress that nips in at the waist, and flares out into a wider skirt. Dresses with thin straps or one-asymmetrical shoulder also look great on the pear shaped figure. This allows the dress to drape over the body in such a way that the shoulder line and hip become more symmetrical with one another. Using detail at the shoulders and/or at the bust line helps to further balance the hip-to-shoulder ratio, giving the illusion of a minimized hip and a more hourglass shape.

For all the pears out there: There are also a few what-not-to-do recommendations. Considering the two styles of dresses recommended, pear shaped women should still avoid busy patterns and embellishments throughout the entire dress and instead opt for embellishments only in the bodice. Beads, ribbons, ruffles, and other decorations on the bust of a form fitting bodice should be chosen over embellishments in the skirt. Avoid tops that have narrow v-necks, heavily-gathered necklines, dolman sleeves and raglan sleeves, which can all reduce the width of your shoulders.

Ok apples, you’re up! For our yummy apple figured gals, empire waistlines are highly recommended. An empire dress in the right material works well to elongate the body, drawing attention away from the midsection, while still managing to show off the good curves. This style narrows at the top and flares slightly as it cascades toward the bottom, which is why it is flattering for apple figures. Choose a material like cotton or cotton blends, which will skim the body’s silhouette, and go for monochromatic color schemes. The illusion of the empire waist line enhances the curves of the bust and hip in such a way that balance is achieved, while the proper draping and the monochromatic color scheme offer a streamlined effect.

As we discussed, the benefit of an empire style dress for apple shaped figures is that it camouflages the midsection offering a slimming effect. However, there are a few things to avoid, such as ruffled shoulders or shoulders with padding. Do not wear dresses that feature a lot of busy detail especially near the waist, like ruffles, ruching, or other embellishments. This calls attention to the midsection, which is the area apple shapes usually try to minimize focus. Also, avoid any rounded flower corsages and instead opt for a corsage with cascading effects.

Finally we have arrived at our squashed shaped ladies. Apologies for referring to this sort of shape as a squash, but it is truly the only hourglass shaped fruit we could find. Hey, squash could have been easily swapped for gourd. But no woman I know would like to be referred to as a gourd. Moving on… As you may have guessed, women with ample bosoms and hips to match are considered hourglass shaped, like a squash. For this figure type, we recommend going with an A-line dress or a wrap dress, as long as the fabric drapes over the curves of the body without cinching or hugging. The idea is not exactly to reduce size, but instead to enhance the curves and achieve overall balance. These two styles of dress work best for this figure type because both of them cinch at the waist, while revealing the already balanced ratio between bust and hip. In other words, these two styles of dress complement the curves of the curvy hourglass shaped woman. For more full figured hourglass shaped gals, we also recommend V-cut necklines and some sleeve, even if only capped, to conceal any spill over from the bust.

Some don’ts for our beautiful squashes include dresses with a straight style and sleeveless dresses. Also, as some of us know, larger arms sometimes accompany a larger bust-line. Adornments and embellishments are fine, but avoid any at the arms, because too much “bling” at the arm can add width and throw off the balance of the body. On a side note, please be sure to wear a proper-fitting plus-size bra that gives the breasts optimal support when wearing any style.

Follow these guidelines and your Jewish wedding will star a beautiful bride in the most perfect dress!

So there it is in nutshell (wait… nuts?). Sorry. There it is in a fruit bowl: The fruity approach to wedding dress shopping.