Category Archives: Planning

Designing Your Sweetheart Table

Posted on August 22, 2012 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning

In this election year where we are listening to candidates pontificate their opinions and policies, I would like a turn to step up to the podium and ask my fellow Americans (and all other non-Americans who read The Wedding Yentas) to stand with me on this ever-important topic; this movement; this debate: To sweetheart table or not to sweetheart table? The answer, my friends, is to sweetheart table. Thank you. May G-d bless you. And may G-d bless America.

After making such a bold statement in support of marriage between newlyweds and a sweetheart table, I will have my cabinet on standby to take calls from the press, but allow me to continue with a state of the sweetheart table spiel (p.s., this year, I say all news outlets should hold spiels instead of debates. Much more entertaining).

Why am I in favor of sweetheart tables?

Three reasons:

You have your own personal home base. You won’t be sitting much anyway, but when you are, it’ll be nice to have a little turf you can call your own. Your guests who want to offer you mazels and hugs know where to find you to have an intimate chat sometime between the salad and the entree. This takes some of the pressure off of you to have to get up and make the rounds in a small amount of time. People can come to you and they won’t mind.
You’ll have another opportunity to extend your style. Props like “Mr.” & “Mrs.” signs, decked out chairs, or flower arrangements can furnish your sweetheart table, thereby making it a vehicle to tie in your theme, color scheme, or any additional design concepts.
You get the best seat in the house! Normally, sweetheart tables are placed in front of the dance floor and in a position where you can look out and see all your guests surrounding you. If you are at a long banquet table with your bridal party, the placement of the table is not as flexible as a small, intimate table for two. Having the best seat in the reception hall is ideal during speeches, watching special dances, and generally taking it all in. You’ll be the focus of the reception area and why shouldn’t you be?

Photo by Orange Girl Photographs

However, it is important to make your sweetheart table tasteful. Setting it apart from the rest of the tables is fine; those few, subtle touches that declare the table special and unique to the bride and groom is totally acceptable. On the flip side, decking it out in gaudy drapery or an over abundance of flowers that make you look like Tarzan and Jane in the jungle is not the way to go.

Bottomline: The sweetheart table should complement the main tables, not appear to be out of place or swallow you up in the general world of your wedding reception ambiance.

Okay, I’m just going to leave it at that.

Moving on…

While it’s nice to have the home base of a sweetheart table, that also doesn’t take you off the hook of doing the right thing and making the rounds to see your guests. At a time that feels right for you (this is usually at some point during the salad or entree), you should really make sure you visit the tables to say hello and thanks to your guests. They will think you are both a lovely couple: a gracious bride and a mensch of a groom. The concept of you home base is to give you a semi-private place to enjoy each other’s company as newlyweds, but you should definitely not ignore your guests altogether.

Needs ideas for sweetheart table design? Look below for some sweet eye candy!

Stacy & Drew by Rosie Hernandez Photography

Desiree & Richard by Heidi Ryder Photography

Jackie & Danny by Photography by Verdi

Erica & Adi by Duke Photography

Jaynee & Sean by Mi Belle Photography

Serene & Mike by Ashleigh Taylor Photography

Naomi & Andrew by Phototerra

Shopping for Vendors on The Wedding Yentas

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Alison in Planning, Tales from the Veil

Ali is newly engaged and was proposed to at her dream location: the empty stage of a Broadway theatre! The 20-something-year-old actress met her soon-to-be husband while working on a show together, and they love to spend time seeing theatre, taking in a baseball game, and playing pop culture trivia. Ali also nannies for several families in the Los Angeles area, looks forward to Disneyland trips, and enjoys a good deli lunch. She is enjoying her journey of planning her wedding and learning about the details that go into the big day. In order to successfully achieve her vision, Ali has been using resources like The Wedding Yentas, family and friends who’ve been-there-done-that, and bridal magazines. Ali is getting married this October in Southern California.

Today, Ali shares with us how she has used The Wedding Yentas to find her vendors! Yes, almost all of her vendors have been booked based on what she’s seen right here!

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I was never the kind of girl who dreamed about or planned my wedding since I was little. Okay, I might have put on a fake wedding dress and walked down a backyard aisle with my friend’s little brother, but I had no idea what I actually wanted to do when I had a real wedding.

So when Michael asked me to marry him, I was elated, but I also realized I was getting a very late start on the wedding planning in comparison to most girls. I knew who I wanted in my bridal party, and those calls were made immediately, but that was all the prior planning that I had done. I didn’t know where to start.

I knew about The Wedding Yentas and had spent many days looking at the great inventory of Real Weddings posts, marveling at every couple’s ability to make their wedding fit their personality, but my perusals had always been just for fun. It wasn’t until I was engaged that the Real Weddings photos helped me find inspiration for my wedding style and, even more importantly, find excellent vendors who would be perfect for my Los Angeles wedding. Since all the vendors had links to their sites, I clicked and clicked and thus began my great big “vendor hunt.”

Initially I was browsing through the California weddings and clicking on the vendor links simply to get to know each vendor and to learn what kinds of elements were important to me. It dawned on me that I could actually just use The Wedding Yentas to find and book my vendors. As I started to become the girl I never was, obsessing over all the pretty ideas I could implement in my wedding, I really started to have strong opinions about what I wanted.

I started with photographers. I looked at every single Southern California wedding and decided which pictures I liked and which I didn’t. I always preferred the candid, less artsy shots (just my personal taste, as I like photojournalism) and narrowed it down to about five photographers that I liked. I then showed my fiance all the pictures of the weddings that the photographers shot, and he narrowed it down to three photographers based solely on their work.

We then started emailing and calling these photographers to learn about their availability, packages, and personalities because all three factors had to match our needs. We scheduled meetings and phone calls, and it was very clear to us who we should hire. I was so excited to see this important part of our wedding planning come to fruition.

We took our engagement photos and after seeing the finished product, we are so happy with our choice and can’t wait to see the wedding photos in just two months.

es photography

Next came music and we really wanted a band. As a singer who comes from a family of musicians, I am very picky about this area of vendor selection. My fiance is also a singer and piano player, so he, too, has his strong opinions about the band. Our work was cut out for us so again, I searched all the bands on The Wedding Yentas and narrowed them down based on the clips we heard on their websites. We sent out emails and met with the contenders, and voila! We now have a great group of musicians and we love our band! Lather. Rinse. Repeat. The same story goes for hiring our florist and other wedding vendors to assemble our team.

It’s so overwhelming to shop for vendors online, but checking out the vendor list that’s part of every wedding in the Real Weddings section made it possible for me to make decisions because I could see their work in action on the weddings that are published.

So far, wedding planning has been far less overwhelming than I would have thought, especially since I am a girl who got a late start in having a vision for my wedding. Everyone I talk to is always so shocked with how easily and quickly I nailed down my main vendors, but it was because I was able to see their work so clearly and in an unbiased light on The Wedding Yentas! So for that, I am eternally grateful to The Wedding Yentas and look forward to continuing to “stalk” the Real Weddings posts and appreciate who all the other couples chose to make their big day special.

es photography

Top 5 Reasons You Should Have a Wedding Website

Posted on August 13, 2012 by Alison in Featured, Inside Scoop, Planning

When Motel the Tailor and Tzeitel got married in Fiddler on the Roof, they didn’t have a website. After they tied the knot, they revealed their pride and joy, Motel’s new sewing machine, and while that sewing machine was pretty snazzy for 19th century Old Country, the sewing machine was their only piece of technology and it did nothing for their own piece of real estate on the web. That’s probably because there was no web except for the ones built by spiders, but I digress. I wouldn’t want a sewing machine to make clothes anyway. Hel-lo? That’s what Nordstrom and Bloomies is for!

So, here’s what I say: don’t act like you’re a babushka-wearing, cow-milking, old school, nice Jewish girl. Welcome to the 2000s. You’re a modern, mainstream bride! Create a wedding website. Why? Here are the top 5 reasons!

1. Learn About The Couple!
It’s unlikely that 100% of your guests will know each of you intimately. Here’s your big chance to share who you are and other obvious reasons why you love one another. The more details, the better! I personally enjoy reading about the bride and groom (or the bride and bride or groom and groom — whatever!) and like when details about their background and current lives are included in the write ups. If your Uncle Murray hasn’t seen you since you tap danced in the talent show at the Catskills family reunion and he’s never met your fiance, here’s where he can make up for lost time before attending your wedding.

2. Registry Information
You’re going to get presents for your wedding and it doesn’t suck. For those who decide not to cut a check, you’ll receive something tangible, but if you’re taking the time to register, you may as well make sure people know about the coveted list. Your website is the perfect place to house this precious information as it automatically links to the stores’ sites and your registry. Two clicks and your Internet savvy friends and family are on their way to gifting your gravy boat. Groovy. Where does registry information NOT go? Your wedding invitation! It’s a no-no. And since your registry information should be included on your wedding website, the wedding website should not be on the formal invitation. I know, I know, here I am preaching the registry gospel, and I’m telling you to leave it off the formal invitation. It can be on shower invites, save the dates, and even rehearsal dinner mailers. And if you must include the website in the formal invitation suite, put it on a separate card, but never on the actual invitation with the “Mr. & Mrs. So and So invite you to the marriage of their daughter” yada yada part. It’s considered pandering for presents. Otherwise, go nuts posting your wedding URL on all other methods of communication. And enjoy your registered gifts!

3. Personalize Your Style
Many wedding websites come with options to customize the artwork and format in which details are displayed. This is a great opportunity to give a clue about the style or theme of your wedding. Other than the formal invitation or save the date, there are really no other pieces that wedding guests see to clue them into what your wedding might be like. A formal black tie wedding might have a clean and elegant website design. Likewise, a rustic, vintage, shabby chic event might be a little more casual and flowery online. Here’s one more place you can tie in your colors, style, and personal touches like a logo or quote.

4. Talk Up Your Wedding Party
You didn’t rent bridesmaids and groomsmen, right? They are people that you actually know and even like, correct? So gush about them! Include a list of your wedding party and maybe even write up a blurb about them. Go the extra mile and include photos. They’re the supporting players in your big debut as husband and wife, so make sure they have a little time in the spotlight. Plus, they’ll be VIP the day of the wedding and your guests might want to know a little about the people who make you happy and keep you from going meshuga.

5. Details Of Your Big Day
Just in case your disorganized pals lose your $4.00 invitation (grrrr), they can at least get the must-know details of your wedding day online from anywhere. Make sure to include your date, location or locations (if there are separate venues for ceremony and reception places), time of ceremony (usually the time on the invitation should be about 30 minutes before the actual walk-down-the-aisle-it’s-go-time-there’s-no-turning-back-now time), and dress preferences like black tie or resort wear. Your out-of-towners will especially appreciate hotel information and if there are room blocks you’ve set up for them. The details of such accommodations should be included on the website. Your guests will thank you for making it less stressful to attend your wedding. I mean, travel these days is so annoying. Aunt Marilyn will be too busy worrying about condensing her Jean Nate body splash in a 3 ounce bottle in her carry on. Don’t make her start kvetching about how she doesn’t know if there’s a group rate at the Marriott. All of these details are a must. Additional details like local airports, transportation options, popular destinations and things to do are great additions to your wedding website.

Do a quick Internet search to find out about wedding websites. There are many free resources available (6. another reason to create one: it’s usually freeeee!) and The Wedding Yentas loves the many great sites on MyWedding. There’s even an option for designs inspired by your favorite Jewish wedding planning website (ahem!) so, ya know, you might want to check that out.

Have fun with your website and enjoy your own little piece of property on the web!

The Names You Should Use On Your Yarmulkes and Ketubah

Posted on August 2, 2012 by Alison in Ask The Yentas, Jewish Traditions, Planning

Two very reasonable questions came my way and I thought they’d be great to share with all of Yentaland. These questions crossed my mind when I was planning my wedding as well, so I’m sure there will be readers who are looking for these answers, too.

First, a message from Melanie:
Hello Yentas!
I am so glad I finally found you! I am trying to order the yarmulkes and I have no clue what to write inside. I don’t live in my home town so I can’t go to the drawer with all of the old ones in it. So do personalize them with:

“The Wedding of Bride’s First and Last Name & Groom’s First and Last Name” or should I just use our first names?
What goes inside? Please and thank you!
Melanie

Answer from The Wedding Yentas:
Hi Melanie!
It’s really up to you when you personalize the inside of your yarmulkes! It’s a personal preference. For my own wedding, I just included The Wedding of Alison & Bryan with our wedding date underneath. While it’s not wrong to include last names, you might not want to take up extra space and clutter the area with the 2 additional names. Plus, by the time people take them home to re-wear them, you will no longer be known as your first name and maiden name (exciting, right?!) and you will both have the same last name (mazel!). So, my suggestion would be to keep it to the first names. Nothing’s right, nothing’s wrong. Personal preference and that’s mine.

You can also include your wedding date below the names. You can use the American calendar like I did — May 25, 2008 — or you can include the Hebrew month, day, and year. You’d need to check to make sure you have it correctly, but it just depends on how Jewish you want to make it.

Good luck!!
Alison

Great question, right? Melanie, I hope that helped you!

Next, another question about last names, but this time it’s in regards to the ketubah.
On Facebook, Megan asked:

Ok this may be a dumb question but do I sign the ketubah with my maiden name or married name??

Answer from The Wedding Yentas:
Not dumb!! Totally reasonable question. Since you sign the ketubah before your chuppah ceremony (which also serves as your official civil ceremony), you’ll autograph the ketubah with your maiden name. All ketubah signers, as well as marriage certificate signers, should use their full names, and that includes the bride and groom. If you have a Hebrew name, be prepared to know what it is and sign that as well. If your Hebrew is a little rough or non-existent, your rabbi should be able to help you write the letters. Always check with your officiant for specific directions.

So there you have it! Two totally reasonable questions with answers that hopefully help some fellow Yentas in distress.

If you have more questions, feel free to email them to alison @ theweddingyentas [dot] com and I’ll be happy to help you! I’m a geek, so I normally know the answer but if I don’t, I’ll find out for you. Consider The Wedding Yentas your personal wedding concierge!

Organizing Your Bridesmaids

Posted on August 1, 2012 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning

********** GIVEAWAY GOING ON NOW THROUGH AUGUST 2nd!!! ***********

Don’t forget your chance to enter to win! Krystal of Stella & Dot is giving away a gift certificate to her store! Just check out all the goodies at Stella & Dot and report back by leaving a comment here and sharing what you would choose!

Entries will be accepted through Thursday, August 2nd at 11:59 p.m. PST. Winner is selected at random and announced on Facebook on August 3rd. Good luck!

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Your bridesmaids are like a potpourri of your life connections. Your collection of gals might consist of a family member, high school friends, and sorority sisters. Or maybe the girls from your college cheerleading squad make up your bridal party, but they’re scattered around the country, leading their different post-graduate lives. It’s very probable that the contact you have with your bridesmaids is via GChat during the work day and on the phone during your commute home in the evenings. Texting gets you quick fixes of inside jokes and updates, and your refrigerator serves as an exhibit of all the various things going on in everyones’ lives with birth announcements, bridal shower invitations, “We’re Moving” notifications, and wedding stationery attached to the door with magnets. Today’s bride rarely has in-person access to all or most of her bridesmaids and though it may seem tedious or complicated getting everyone acquainted and on the same page, it’s actually no big deal.

How do the bridesmaids know each other if everyone can’t be together? Well, introduce them! Send out an email to all the girls and do a mini orientation by listing their names and contact information. Give some context and explain how you know them. This breaks the ice so it’s not awkward for them to interact behind your back while they plan surprises and fun events for you.

In fact, just steal this:

Hi Ladies!
I’m so excited that you’ll be part of my big day!! You are all very special to me and having you by my side as I get married to Channing Tatum (just making sure you’re still with me) makes the day even more special!

Because not everyone knows each other, I thought I’d introduce the hottest bridesmaids in the world to… the hottest bridesmaids in the world!

My Maid of Honor is ________. I know her from ____________. Her email is __________ and I’m sure she’ll be sending you more messages as the time goes on.

{here, list the rest of your girls, how you know them, and their conact info}.

Thank you for everything! I can’t wait to celebrate with you all!

Love,
Your Name

Okay, so once you’ve done the hello and how-do-you-dos, how else can you build your team of bridesmaid? You’ll have to decide on what they’ll be wearing. However, you can’t possibly cater to every girl’s taste and body. Work with your Maid of Honor to be the spearhead for this task. You want to please — it’s your tragic flaw — but it’s just not realistic to get everyone together and go shopping. Once the dresses have been selected, your Maid of Honor should instruct the bridesmaids to go to a professional tailor or dress shop to get measurements taken. Each bridesmaid should send their measurements to the Maid of Honor so she has them and can place the order with the shop that is selling the bridesmaid dresses. Your Maid of Honor needs to communicate the dress selection to the whole bridal party and the dresses really should be ordered all together so that dye lots are the same.

The bride should send out messages to the bridesmaid group about dates and costs of things with plenty of notice and several reminders afterward. It’s not that the girls are flaky or uncaring, but everyone is living their individual lives. You can’t expect that your girls will be on top of every date for your wedding events. So, just send some emails with updates about dates (rehearsal dinner, bridesmaid lunch, wedding day, day-after brunch, etc.) or with travel information once you know it. Especially if your girls are scattered around the country, you’ll want to give them inside scoop as you learn it about airfare, hotel reservations, transportation set ups, and any other travel-related pieces of information.

Make sure you give clear deadlines for bridesmaid things that have hard dates attached like dress order-by dates or RSVPs for a shower thrown by someone other than them. You can also delegate this to your MOH since you probably are too busy slash you don’t want to deal with harassing bridesmaids about these kinds of things. But that’s why choosing a MOH who’s on top of her game is super important!

Even if you’re a control freak, I don’t care — the bride does not plan her own parties like showers and bachelorettes! Just make sure to tell whoever is hosting a bridal shower that bridesmaids should be invited even if they’re not local or available. Because they’re part of your wedding inner-circle, they should be included in all events, though it is up to them if they can make them. You should make sure to communicate with them that it’s totally okay if they can’t make the shower or party. They should know they’re invited, but not pressured to travel.

As for the wedding weekend, you’ll need to set up clear communication with your bridesmaids about when everyone arrives in town so you can coordinate pick ups and car rides and hotel accommodations. You are not expected to pay for these things, but you should manage the bridesmaid reunion for your wedding weekend events. Emails with reply-all settings will help everyone stay on the same page.

Enjoy this special time with your favorite ladies. You picked them for a reason, so now is the time to enjoy your unique relationship with each bridesmaid. From sorority socials to high school football games to summer camp Shabbats, you have hundreds of memories combined with this group. Get excited to form many more for your big day!

Heidi Ryder Photography