Category Archives: Planning

Pleasing Your Wedding Guests

Posted on July 25, 2011 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning

You want your wedding to be the event of the century, right? Your guests should regroup at the following Friday’s Shabbat oneg in the temple’s banquet hall and gush about what an affair the ___stein and ___berg wedding was, yes? Your mother’s mahjong group will hardly get to the game at hand because they’re so busy yenta-ing about the celebration of her daughter’s big day, isn’t that so? Well, all this can come true with a few things to think about when it comes to making the wedding of your dreams for you and avoiding all nightmares for your guests.

The Nosh:
No doubt, if it’s a Jewish wedding, there will be food. And there won’t be a shortage of it either. But your wedding meal is not the time to be showing off your exotic palate with coconut-crusted, chili-lime sweetbreads or pan seared rabbit sausage in a balsamic reduction. Sure, you may impress people with your adventurous taste buds all 364 other days of the year, but for one meal, give your guests something they expect: a tasty dish that’s in the realm of chicken, fish, pasta, or beef. People have been attending weddings for eons and there’s a level of expectation of what the food will be like. Make sure your caterer is excellent, of course, but it’s also not a time to be experimenting with animal parts or foreign sauces. If you want to spice up your menu with some fancy-shmancy delicacies, include them as hors d’ oeuvres in the cocktail hour so that guests have the option to wait for more predictable food come dinner time.

The Singles:
Be clear and specific about your single guests. Don’t leave it up to your friend to stir up the awkward conversation about bringing her boy du jour to your wedding. There should be no surprises when she gets her invitation in the mail. Either the envelope includes her beau or she comes solo. The vagueness only stresses out your single guests, makes them resent you behind your back, or cooks up a negative feeling toward your wedding day. Be upfront and honest from the get-go. It might be equally difficult for you to address prior to sending out the invitation, but at least it will save both of you some hurt feelings later on.

Music of the Night:
There’s no doubt you want your wedding reception to be the party of the year, but that doesn’t mean your music man has to blast the bass super loud the whole time. Make sure that when you’re interviewing your DJ or band you ask about music volumes and the appropriate times to play different genres of music. Typically, softer music should be played during cocktail hour, as the guests gather in the reception hall before your entrance, and salad and dinner time. Aunt Ruth and Uncle Irv already have a hard enough time hearing as it is — oy vey! — and you don’t want them to have to fight the music in order to have a conversation. Guests become frustrated when they can’t hear over the loud music, and the last thing you want is a room of kvetching Jews. The whole night should not be up on full volume, especially during the natural points of catching up and how-do-you-dos. When it comes to specific dance breaks, however, turn it up and rock out!

Don’t Get Lost:
If you’re getting married in a location or venue that’s hard to find, make sure you provide maps and signage. If the parking is far from the final destination, leave arrows and guides along the way. If your venue is off the beaten path in a rustic area, great, I’m sure it’s gorgeous, but most likely, GPS won’t be able to get your guests there (and that’s assuming that Aunt Ruth and Uncle Irv even know how to work the GPS machine thing-a-ma-bobber). So get crafty or outsource, but either way, you do not want your guests to get lost on the way to your wedding. Again, “kvetch” should not be the verb of the day.

Have Fun:
Happy couple equals happy guests. Your wedding day is not your time to flip out, have a bridezilla moment (that was for the planning), whine, or throw a tantrum. You’ve seen those TV shows. You mock those ridiculous girls. Don’t be one of them. If you’re having fun and truly enjoying every part of your day from getting ready to getting going, then so, too, will your guests. Imagine how awkward it would be for them to see the bride and groom angry or annoyed on what should be the happiest day of their lives. So stay positive, embrace every kind of situation, and plaster your smile on your face and your guests will continue to rave about your wedding day for years and mahjong tournaments to come.

Let the Groom Eat Cake

Posted on July 13, 2011 by Alison in Planning

He’s put up with your indecisiveness, your girly moments, and your Saturdays away with your mom for dress fitting and flower appointments. Most likely, the most favorite moment of wedding planning your groom has is cake tasting (well, who wouldn’t love cake tasting?!). So, because he’s the one you love, and because it’s customary in your region of the U.S., one more fun wedding element to design is the groom’s cake!

West Coast and international brides are probably scratching their heads. Groom’s cake? Is that in addition to the wedding cake? Is it served on the wedding day? Does only the groom get to eat it and how is that fair? Let’s discuss the groom’s cake because, in all honesty, this is a growing trend throughout the country now, but something I’d only heard of recently after seeing my Southern sorority sisters’ wedding photos.

The groom’s cake custom comes from the South and is intended to be a gift from the bride to the groom. It’s usually dark (think chocolate!) and designed with inspiration from what’s traditionally considered “masculine,” so keep those roses and pearls off this cake!

Now, though, groom’s cakes tend to reflect the groom’s interests, hobbies, or even his alma mater. These cakes don’t typically look like a traditional wedding cake. Think more, let’s see, “Ace of Cakes”-style creations. Their shapes and details are not mainstream wedding cakes and can be created to look like ski slopes for the groom who loves winter sports, a flashy deck of cards for the guy who has regular poker nights, or the goal posts and logo for the football team of his college. Once you come up with the idea for your groom’s cake, you will probably keep it a surprise and it will be revealed to him at the wedding! It’s a fun way to incorporate your groom’s personality on the day that’s most associated with girly, bride elements.

Groom’s cakes can be served for dessert at the rehearsal dinner or showcased at the wedding reception. If it’s going to be revealed on the night of the wedding, both the traditional wedding cake and groom’s cake are usually placed next to each other.

A fun idea might be to gift your guests with the groom’s cake as a party favor. In this case, you might want to consider groom’s cupcakes! Have them displayed in a fun way and then toward the end of the night, they can be boxed up and carried home.

Fun fact: wedding legend has it that if a single woman sleeps with a slice of groom’s cake under her pillow on the night of the wedding, she’ll meet her future husband in her dreams!

So even if you’re not a Southern bride, you can still embrace this tradition because, really, who could hate another cool cake? Talk to your baker and get creative! Plus, surprising your new husband is the icing on the… well, you know.

Revisiting: Day After Wedding Brunch

Posted on July 11, 2011 by Alison in Planning

Let’s face it. Our people always want any opportunity to get together and eat. Passover seders are basically dinner and a show and even when there’s a death in the family (pooh-pooh, spit, spit!), the mourners can always feel better knowing there’s a lavish deli platter in store. We eat. It’s just what we do. So on the weekend of your wedding, it doesn’t seem like it’s enough to have only a Shabbat meal, rehearsal dinner, and wedding reception entree. No, we need just one more chance to get together, discuss the previous night’s events (“Did you see how snockered Aunt Sylvia was last night at the wedding? Oy vey, she’s become such a shicker since she moved to Leisure Land!”), and sit around to eat… again.

So, where does this leave us? Presenting: The Day After Brunch.

brunch-bunch

As with all things wedding, this is not a required or mandatory event. If you’re not doing it or don’t want, forget it. You can go play Words with Friends and skip the rest of this article. But if you’re considering having a Day After Brunch, read on for a little guideline.

You need to make sure you know who you’d like to invite to the Day After Brunch before you send out the invitations. Typically, the guest list is made up of the out-of-towners and immediate family. Your boss at work and his girlfriend don’t need to be there. Your next door neighbor probably isn’t going to make the cut. Just think about the people you really don’t get to see often and who you’d want to spend more time with, and go from there. If it makes it any easier, usually the Day After Brunch is comprised of the same group from Shabbat and/or rehearsal dinner.

Make sure you send out the invitations separately from the wedding invitation. As a rule, each wedding weekend event should have its own invitation. They don’t all have to be the same wedding paper ensemble — oy! That would cost you a fortune! — but the Day After Brunch can be a simple, standard invitation that details the place and time of the brunch.

brunch-bunch

Sometimes it’s hosted at a hotel where most guests are staying or if it’s the wedding venue. Other times, a parent or grandparents has the guests over at their house for a catered brunch. The menu does not have to be elaborate. Regular “brunchy” items — fruit, cereals, bagels and lox — can absolutely suffice. Oh and coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. Especially for Aunt Sylvia types.

Here’s the one question that may be burning in your mind: What if the bride and groom are ticketed to run off for their honeymoon the very next morning after the wedding?

That’s a lucky bride and groom to be starting their lives together ASAP! But it’s okay if they’re not there. As much as everyone would love to see the new star couple, it’s all about the gathering of the family and friends. The Day After Brunch is also great closure for the parents of the bride and groom. They don’t get a honeymoon after the wedding. Life continues as usual. So here’s a chance to take a breather, transition from a wonderful night of seeing their children marry, and spend time with loved ones.

After all, it’s not just food that binds our people, is it? As guests trickled out of the wedding reception when it ended, they hugged and kissed goodbye as if they wouldn’t be seeing each other again. Individuals could be leaving for Siberia or heading off to war the way they carry on with the bear hugs and wet kisses. But then, 12 hours later, they’d all be re-gathering for another round of shmoozing with company and coffee. This phenomenon is called the Jewish goodbye. And the Day After Brunch is one heck of a Jewish goodbye.

brunch-bunch

Wedding Day Crystals

Posted on June 27, 2011 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning

On your wedding day, you’ll sparkle. Between your gorgeous dress and your neverending smile, as a bride, you will light up the day. And if you don’t mind sharing, you can let some other elements of your wedding day sparkle, too! Crystals add so much glamour and beauty to your wedding details, so whether your craft your own DIY shine or you include the concept with your vendors’ plans, just know you can never have too much glisten on the day you tie the knot!

Pop rocks on a wedding cake?! Rock on! They sparkle and shine … a party for the eyes and mouth!

Your first home that you share together as husband and wife is your chuppah. Adorn it with shimmery strands of crystals that add drama and beauty to your ceremony.

As your guests enjoy their entrees and libations, let them experience a setting that’s unique to your sparkling personality — include crystals in your centerpieces! They can either hang from tall pieces or be sprinkled across the table. Either way, this is a very chic and romantic look for any Yentas bride!

Changing Your Name

Posted on June 20, 2011 by Alison in Planning

It’s not that scary. But still, a lot of women get overwhelmed with the idea of going through the name change process. If you’re planning on taking on your new spouse’s last name, just know that it’s not so difficult after all, and The Wedding Yentas makes it easy for you with a how-to, step-by-step name change guide!

You can always access this helpful tool on the Planning Tools tab of the web site. But, in case you haven’t seen it, here it is in blog form:

Dealing with bureaucratic agencies to change your name after the wedding sounds about as fun as shoving bamboo shoots up your finger nails. And while it’s not exactly as pleasurable as inhaling a hot fudge sundae, it’s really not as difficult as you may think.

Here we’ll walk you through the steps of what you need to go from a Miss to a Mrs.

1. Order at least 4 copies of your marriage certificate from the county clerk’s office.

2. Download the form from the Social Security office and fill out the form before you go to the office in person. Bring the completed form, your identification, and an original copy of your marriage certificate to the Social Security office near you.

3. Next you’ll change your name on your driver license. Another official copy of your marriage certificate should help you in this process when you arrive at the DMV (keep in mind the phone number for DVLA complaints, just in case). You’ll also need to bring a form of identification like your driver license, passport, or birth certificate. Sometimes, certain DMVs in certain states also require you bring your new Social Security card, which means you may have to wait until it arrives. Check with your local DMV first. Also, make an appointment in advance if your DMV offers this convenient feature!

4. Don’t forget to change your name on your credit cards, insurance companies, your employer, banks, 401k and retirement plans, doctors, frequent flyer memberships, utilities companies (gas, phone, electricity, garbage, HOA, etc.). Usually, a simple phone call will do the trick or a quick log-in to their online portals.

5. Go buy new monogrammed towels to celebrate! Mazel tov!