Weddings are joyous, beautiful occasions. It’s a time when family gathers from all over the world to celebrate one of life’s big milestones. Nobody wants to feel sad on a wedding day, especially a bride or groom, but if you have lost a parent or grandparent that you’re close to, no doubt, a part of you is missing. Planning a wedding without your mother or father is hard enough, but knowing the right way to honor a parent without creating a black cloud on your wedding day is a bit tricky. So instead of a black cloud, Yenta Nicky helped see a ray of light on her wedding day.
When I was 18 my father passed away. He was my rock and support in everything I did. I am exactly like him in every possible way down to my curly hair, dimples, and stress levels! When I dreamed of my wedding as a little girl, my dreams always included my dad. But after he passed away, I became aware that my dreams would not also be my reality. A huge important part of me was missing and no matter what I did, my wedding would never be as it was supposed to be. It was still, however, one of the best days of my life, and while I wish more than anything that my dad could have been there to see it, I take comfort in knowing that he would have been proud. I honored him with little touches that only I knew were there and created external symbols of my dad for all the family that missed him.
When it comes down to it, there isn’t a right or wrong way to honor family members that are no longer with us, but I thought I’d share some simple ways you can incorporate anyone you would like to remember on your wedding day:
A photo frame hanging from your bouquet: Bouquet jewels are beautiful, and adding a little frame with a photo is such a sweet, personal touch. The bouquet charm is with you all day and you can always look down to see a familiar face, knowing that your family member is smiling back at you. In the event you want to keep your tribute private, it’s also something that doesn’t have to be announced, but you know it’s there for comfort.
Have a grandparent walk you down the aisle: My grandfather had four sons. He never got to walk any daughters down the aisle. I was so honored that he was able to walk me down to my chuppah in what would have been my dad’s footsteps, but it was also a very special moment for him that we got to share.
A family dance: The age-old father/daughter-mother/son dance is probably the hardest wedding moment to think about if you’re missing a parent at your wedding. As most people know, I am also a professional wedding photographer, and I spend many of my weekends at weddings, celebrating with couples and capturing their best moments. During the reception, the father/daughter dance still brings me to tears. It is the hardest moment for me to photograph at any wedding because I think about my own experience and how it was different. But when it was time to plan my wedding, I did not want to take away the mother/son dance from my husband and his mother, so we decided on a family dance. He danced with his mom, I danced with his dad, then I danced with my grandfather and brother, and my husband danced with my mom. It was like musical chairs for family members, and ended up being touching and memorable for more special people in our lives.
Incorporate elements that your parent loved: My dad loved the beach and swimming in the ocean, so I chose to get married overlooking the Pacific. I also named each of my tables for beaches in the Malibu and Santa Monica area. I collected sand dollars, which was my favorite shell to find with my dad when I was little, and we put them in frames along with the table names. If there’s a theme or a symbol that your parent loved, feel free to get creative and find ways to include them in your wedding.
Play a slideshow during reception with family photos: Creating a slideshow that documents your life from when you were a baby through your wedding day is the perfect opportunity to show photos of your parent. Be prepared to choke up or see your guests touched by these memories, but there is nothing wrong with a few tears of happiness and sadness all rolled into one! After all, going through old photos is a healthy way to remember the good times even if it’s difficult.
It’s important to know that no one expects you to ignore the fact that you’re missing a parent from your wedding day. Merely ignoring that fact doesn’t make you Superwoman. It’s okay to show emotion if you’re an extroverted person, and it’s okay to honor them privately if that’s the way you work. There’s no right or wrong way to handle this kind of situation, but no matter what, you should remember that your wedding day is about you and your partner. Your life together. Your future. Glance back in the past because it’s what’s made you you, but look forward to the horizon and embrace the big moments.
