I had everything planned meticulously for my wedding, that I didn’t expect any surprises. I knew what my florals would look like. I knew what my band would sound like. I knew what my cake would taste like. I spent so much time researching and planning, that when it came to the actual day, I didn’t expect any surprises and I was right; everything went swimmingly. There was one aspect, though, that I never considered and that was the overwhelming and wonderful feeling of walking down the aisle with my parents to see people from all different parts of my life coming together to witness Bryan and me say, “I do.” I never anticipated what that would feel like, and it felt amazing.
As I walked to the instrumental of the Beatles’ “Here, There, and Everywhere,” and I came into sight, I saw our wedding guests rise and I was hit with an avalanche of emotion. It was the one detail I forgot about, that traditionally, the guests stand for the bride, and I was floored.
Eight20 Photography
You can see it in my wedding photos. I look like I am losin’ it, but I was just so beyond touched and in my head, I was girl-squealing like never before.
I totally forgot that this was, ya know, a “thing,” and so imagine my surprise this year when, at three of the five weddings I attended, as a guest or as the maid of honor, I had to initiate or cue the standing!
I’ve since done some research. I can’t find anything about the tradition or history of standing up for the bride other than back in the day, before people talked about Jewish weddings, when the bride walked down the aisle in church, the guests stood up, but it was more about worshipping God than the bride. However, this obviously doesn’t apply to a Jewish wedding ceremony, so what is the reason for standing up for the bride? The only reason I can come up with is that it’s out of respect. After all, a bride is considered a queen on her wedding day, and when the queen passes by, you stand!
At my sister-in-law’s wedding this year, I was already standing as the MOH, and I tried to signal everyone to stand when the bride walked down the aisle, but no one was looking at me (nor should they!) to notice my hand flipping up and down under my bouquet. At another wedding, I sat toward the front and as all of us in our seats could see the beautiful bride walking into the room, everyone continued to stare, but no one stood. It felt very wrong to me, so I turned to my husband and my friends in my row and whispered, “It’s stand up time!” People gradually followed my lead and stood up, and as the bride was halfway down the aisle, the guests were standing.
Henry Photographers
Perhaps you don’t want the guests to stand for you. Maybe it’s embarrassing. Maybe you think you don’t need to be viewed as a queen (I’m telling you that it’s OK to be a queen for the day, but to each her own!). And if that’s what you want, then you can stop reading now.
But if you are like me and you are concerned that there is an epidemic of not standing for the bride goin’ around (maybe everyone’s too busy Facebooking your photo in real time?) here are some pieces of advice:
- Ask a yenta friend/someone who isn’t shy to lead the stand-up. Everyone is sheep. They’ll follow if one or two people to do it. They KNOW they’re supposed to and probably just forgot. So tell two friends in advance to stand up when it’s your time to walk down.
- Have your officiant request that everyone stand for the bride. It doesn’t have to be a commandment from God. No tablets or mountain necessary. Just a soft, calm, “Please rise for the bride” on the mic.
- Choose a song that’s different from the rest of the processional. This indicates that something big is about to go down, as in, the bride, herself, is coming down the aisle. Request that the music pause between songs to really drive the point. I know this sounds obnoxious, but no one will think that it is.
- Indiciate it in your program. In your processional list, just before your name, the program can read “Friends and Family Rise for Bride” and then list your name and parents’ names. This is no different or more ballsy than listing the breaking of the glass and writing, “Everyone yells ‘Mazel tov!'” Even the audience sometimes needs stage directions.
However, if no one stands, it’s not the end of the world. The brides I’ve spoken to didn’t even notice! And, their photographers and videographers got money shots because no one was blocking their entrance or big stroll down the aisle.
Some people may have different opinions on the matter. Since I, ahem, sometimes offer my opinion on The Wedding Yentas, I will say that I am a pro-stander. I like standing up for the bride and it’s the moment I always get emotional. I stand up, stare at her beauty, and as she passes me, I smile so big to let her know I have her back on her most special day. I’ve stood up for her.
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