Category Archives: From The Yentas

The Wedding Yentas was one of the inaugural editors of Two Bright Lights. For non-industry folks, Two Bright Lights is a fabulous site that connects photographers and their works with many different kinds of blogs, allowing for quick and easy transfers of photos and info. In fact, over half the weddings published on this here little blog have been matches made by Two Bright Lights, so it’s a system I’ve been loving since Day 1.

On Two Bright Lights, there’s a little profile for The Wedding Yentas — it explains that it’s a wedding blog for Jewish and interfaith weddings and then also includes info about what’s required for submissions. It’s pretty simple, but it’s no secret that it’s a Jewish wedding blog.

I love getting new submissions and it’s so exciting to pour over a batch of photos, getting to know a couple through the photographer’s point of view. Once in a blue moon, I’ll get a submission that’s a tease — a beautiful wedding, great details, wonderful vendor info… but it’s not a Jewish wedding. The wedding is usually submitted to 50 other blogs and you can tell that the photographer took no time to personalize the submission, pretty much just clicking a bunch of boxes to see what sticks. These photographers are lazy jerks.

But then I just decline the submission, click “Not a fit” and “Submitted to too many publications” and hope they understand what they did and learn a lesson.

Last week, I received a submission from a photographer and like all the other times for the past three years, I opened it up, excited to see what I might be able to share with all of you!

It was tagged as a Jewish wedding and it was only submitted to The Wedding Yentas. This was a good sign.

I looked at the names of the couple. Hmm… not exactly a Silverstein or a Goldenberg, but OK, Judasim and its affiliations can cross over many cultures, right?

I waited for the photos to load and while my MacBook gave me Pinwheel shpilkes, I looked at my editorial calendar to see when I had an opening to publish this wedding. Two weeks. Perfect.

Finally, I worked my way into the album. Good looking couple. Brunette. Very elaborate details. Gorgeous dress. Beaming family of women surrounding the bride as she got ready.

Indoor ceremony. Big crowd sitting in… pews? Hmmm. OK, they must be in a synagogue but the photographer didn’t list it as a venue. Must remember to follow up in an email about that for proper credit.

The decor inside had a stained glass window like so many synagogues have and then my eye skimmed down to a wall of gold plated murals of — record screech — Jesus?

Lots of Jesus and Jesus-like figures. Lots of crosses. Lots of not-a-Jewish-wedding symbols.

The wedding officiant was definitely not wearing a yarmulke and his version of a tallit had even more crosses on it. This was no rabbi.

It was then that I recognized the setting from a fabulous and funny movie that starred Aidan Shaw when he wasn’t Aidan (and yes, I was Team Aidan and not Team Big. Sue me). And it was confirmed when I saw the beautiful wreaths draped over the bride and groom’s head — the Greek Orthodox crowning ceremony.

This was not a Jewish wedding. It was a beautiful wedding. It made me wish I was the publisher for a Greek wedding planning blog. It was a lot of things, but it was not a Jewish wedding.

But you know, ethnic rituals, big family, lots of celebrating… sure, why not intentionally submit to a Jewish wedding planning blog and even tag it as a Jewish wedding?

This is not OK.

And this is why I tell you: make sure your vendors — ESPECIALLY your photographer! — know you’re having a Jewish wedding. Or another kind of wedding. Or is clued into what you’re doing at your wedding if it includes any other wedding tradition than a kiss.

You are paying someone a lot of money to follow you throughout the day. This vendor will use you for marketing tools (which is fine) and will blog about you and put your face on social media pages. This vendor will spend time with you and get to know your likes, dislikes, quirks, and family (sometimes the former two can be redundant — ha ha). Do you really want to hire someone who isn’t even going to understand the values and traditions on which your marriage begins?

I don’t know if this photographer was trying to pull one over on me or if the photographer was actually just really ignorant about cultural differences among the many different wedding ceremonies that photographers have the privilege to document. I also feel badly for the couple, who was clearly not respected enough for the photographer to even know the uniqueness and traditions of their special day and their heritage that fueled it.

Most of us are required to practice cultural sensitivity in the workplace, whether it’s at school or a corporate environment. Shouldn’t it be the same for professionals in the wedding industry?

Luckily, this was the first time I’ve come across something like this in the life of The Wedding Yentas, so I suppose that track record is pretty good. But all it takes is one. So that’s why I beg all of you to not only get to know your vendors, but make sure your vendors get to know you! You deserve it.

You know how you have, like, 23897921 things to decide for your wedding? How’d you like one more?

“Where will you two be seated during your wedding reception?”

That question will lead you to consider a sweetheart table, a family table, a wedding party table, a periodic table of elements… Ok, hopefully not that last one (ew, I don’t do science). I don’t think there’s really a WRONG choice because I think all of the options have tons of pros and zero cons. But if you held up a box of fresh Scotchmallows in exchange for a decision on this subject, I would have to say that out of all of the options, I am a fan of the sweetheart table.

Why am I in favor of sweetheart tables?

Three reasons:

• You have your own personal home base. You won’t be sitting much anyway, but when you are, it’ll be nice to have a little turf you can call your own. Your guests who want to offer you mazels and hugs know where to find you to have an intimate chat sometime between the salad and the entree. This takes some of the pressure off of you to have to get up and make the rounds in a small amount of time. People can come to you and they won’t mind.
• You’ll have another opportunity to extend your style. Props like “Mr.” & “Mrs.” signs, decked out chairs, or flower arrangements can furnish your sweetheart table, thereby making it a vehicle to tie in your theme, color scheme, or any additional design concepts.
• You get the best seat in the house! Normally, sweetheart tables are placed in front of the dance floor and in a position where you can look out and see all your guests surrounding you. If you are at a long banquet table with your bridal party, the placement of the table is not as flexible as a small, intimate table for two. Having the best seat in the reception hall is ideal during speeches, watching special dances, and generally taking it all in. You’ll be the focus of the reception area and why shouldn’t you be?

However, it is important to make your sweetheart table tasteful. Setting it apart from the rest of the tables is fine; those few, subtle touches that declare the table special and unique to the bride and groom is totally acceptable. On the flip side, decking it out in gaudy drapery or an over abundance of flowers that make you look like Tarzan and Jane in the jungle is not the way to go.

Bottomline: The sweetheart table should complement the main tables, not appear to be out of place or swallow you up in the general world of your wedding reception ambiance.

Okay, I’m just going to leave it at that.

Moving on…

While it’s nice to have the home base of a sweetheart table, that also doesn’t take you off the hook of doing the right thing and making the rounds to see your guests. At a time that feels right for you (this is usually at some point during the salad or entree), you should really make sure you visit the tables to say hello and thanks to your guests. They will think you are both a lovely couple: a gracious bride and a mensch of a groom. The concept of you home base is to give you a semi-private place to enjoy each other’s company as newlyweds, but you should definitely not ignore your guests altogether.

Needs ideas for sweetheart table design? Look below for some sweet eye candy!

No doubt, you’re so excited for your wedding day and since you’re obviously reading wedding blogs like this one, you’re also organized and prepared for the big day.

Here’s another list to add to your collection: the must-have wedding photos list. The day rushes by so fast, it’s easy to forget about key images that you’ve likely dreamt up in your head during your planning process. Trust yourself that you’ve hired a fabulous photographer, but also know that your photographer has a routine set of images that he or she usually captures and it’s possible that the ones you’re thinking aren’t in his or her usual repertoire, especially if they’re uniquely specific.

Just be proactive and confirm with your photographer that you’d like to make sure you must-have photo list is in line with theirs.

Here are some snapshots you will enjoy:

Pre Ceremony

• A shot of the rings! Get that bling on camera before they lose their shine!
• Pour that champagne! Getting ready with the bridesmaids.
• The groom getting ready with his guys. Here’s our chance to be jealous that it takes 32 seconds for men to get fancy.
• A still of the wedding dress and shoes — together and separately! Because they’re both fabulous!
• The groom waiting… and waiting… and waiting… to see his bride! If you’re doing a first look, photos of the groom waiting are so cute.
• Girl time with the bridesmaids for formal shots.
• Bride with all the guys for some groomsmen bonding.
• The ceremony scene like the chuppah, guestbooks, seating arrangements, and other details.

During The Ceremony

• Both the bride’s and groom’s entrances as they walk down the aisle
• The guests’ reaction to seeing the beautiful bride appearing.
• The rings being placed on the fingers.
• Jewish traditions like the presentation of the ketubah, drinking wine from the kiddush cup, the rabbi wrapping the bride and groom a tallit, and of course, the groom stepping on the glass.
• The bride and groom leaving the chuppah — such a joyous moment!

At The Reception

• The whole room with set tables and different angles of centerpieces. These types of photos will help future planning brides.
• The grand entrance! It’s fun to see the newlyweds enter their party!
• The horah! You can almost HEAR the joy in the photos when a photographer captures a group spiraling around the bride and groom.
• What’s a horah photo without the chair lifts? From all angles, you should be able to see the bride and groom up in chairs. Photographers might stand on a chair to get directly in line with their faces.
• Cake cutting and any shenanigans that happen there! To smash or not to smash?

Obviously, you may have additional photos in mind that you must include, so be your own advocate and make sure you write them down. Again, most likely, your photographer already knows and has this list on the agenda as well, but it can’t hurt to check.

Don’t forget: Smile! And enjoy!! Photos of a happy couple should be your number one priority and that, my friends, is totally in your control!