Category Archives: From The Yentas

5 Things I Learned About Weddings From Planning My Own

Posted on May 23, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas

This weekend, Mr. Yenta and I will be celebrating our FIVE YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY! That’s, like, half a decade. Five years ago at this time, we were bustling around picking up caramel apples from an L.A.-based snack supply company and freaking out about the shortage at Target of gusseted clear bags to contain them. I cried really hard when Mr. Yenta and my dad played a joke on me and told me they’d already put the stickers with our logo on the bags before I could even see them. Nerves were high. It was crunch time and details were quickly leaving my control and soon entering into the hands of others. I did not take that well.

Looking back at this snapshot of time just a few sunrises and sunsets away from the big “mazel tov,” I giggle to think how much those things mattered to me. These days, I throw a party if I get a spare minute just to shave my legs. But hey, that’s mommyhood with Baby Yenta and you know what they say… First comes love, then comes marriage…

And here we are.

Photo by Eight20 Photography

I’m not claiming to know everything (although, I AM a Yenta…), and I know that everyone’s situations are different, but I’d like to think that five years later, as a recent-ish enough Jewish bride, I can share with you five important nuggets of wisdom about wedding planning and marriage.

Things have changed in the videography business since your bat mitzvah. The montage with the fade outs and mosaic transitions worked for you and your brace-face dressed in a little sailor dress from 1995, but that’s not going to fly for documenting your bridal beauty in a Monique on your wedding day. I’m all about keeping the vendors in the family, but if your videographer or other mitzvah vendor hasn’t taken their business or craft to the next level in the 10ish years since they were originally hired, you may need to alter your expectations and realize that the result won’t be like the others you’ve seen blogged or Facebooked in recent years. And, a more likely scenario, you may have to look beyond those vendors and start from scratch. Things have changed in the events biz since Clinton was president, ya know?
Choose your bridal party based on your life as it stands in the moment you’re getting married. OK, that’s a confusing sentence, but stay with me. Select the people you want by your side from the pool of people you are close with RIGHT NOW. Not who you used to be close with. Not who you want to be close with. Not who you should be close with. Who is special to you NOW? Those are the people who should be part of your wedding day inner circle. It may change and years later, there may be some individuals who are no longer in your life. Time happens. But don’t use nostalgia as a method for choosing your maids and men. Instead, think of those you love most and who currently have your back.
Whether it’s a groom or a co-bride, let your partner be involved! You’re not the only one getting married here, sister! Allow your love’s opinions to be heard and discussed. You may not always agree, and that’s OK as it won’t be the last time, but it’s important to remember it’s not only YOUR wedding. You’re not marrying yourself. You’re marrying another person. Encourage involvement and even if it’s declined — hey, weddings aren’t everyone’s ~~obsession~~ cup o’ tea — at least keep your partner in the loop with updates and tidbits of information. Hey, guess what. Marriage is exactly the same way and that’s, like, forever.
Don’t get too focused on what other brides are doing. Or what Pinterest suggests you do. Or what wedding blogs tell you you should do. (well, except for The Wedding Yentas. Always follow what The Wedding Yentas says). It’s so easy to get wrapped up in current trends and styles. You know who knows you best? Yeah, you. So, get inspiration. Enjoy new ideas. But stay true to yourself. I know, that sounds super cheesy, like something you’d hear at a 7th grade drugs education assembly, but remember who’s actually getting married. It’s you and the person you chose to spend forever with, not that super skinny shiksa model who’s showcasing a toga wedding dress in a Grecian styled shoot. Educating yourself is good. Veering away from your own personal style and values is not. Find ideas and take advice, and then apply it to your own taste.
Never stop holding hands. Or staying by each others’ sides. Or making eye contact. You’ll never get these wedding day moments back. Try to stay together for the whole day. Remain connected during the ceremony as you soak up the words from your rabbi, cantor, or other officiant. Hold hands and squeeze along to the prayers or music. At your reception, make a pact to travel the room as one. Experience the same event together so you never miss a beat. Keep this theme going throughout your marriage. A kiss goodnight. Every night. Even if you’re mad. It’s hard to stay angry when you have to exchange a peck. A mad kiss is better than no kiss. Kisses make people happy. And that’s how you do happily ever after.

I’m drinking my own Kool Aid here. L’chaim to that. And happy anniversary to my love. Mazels on another year in the books. And mazels to all of you joining our club.

Photo by Eight20 Photography

Go Hug Your Mom

Posted on May 21, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas, Witty

Ten years ago, before I was a bride and before I even met Mr. Yenta, my mom turned 50 and was in the middle of treatment for breast cancer. I was only a college student with a zillion other concerns on my mind and not even at home to be by her side or fully understand the stresses of watching a loved one go through cancer. I knew she would beat it and she did. For that, I am so grateful.

Five years ago, my family participated in the Revlon Run/Walk for Women’s Cancers in Los Angeles celebrating my mom’s victory!

Things have changed a lot in those ten years: I graduated college, I went on lots of ridiculous dates, I met and married my wonderful husband, I started and ended at a few different companies, I started The Wedding Yentas, and I had a daughter of my own. Thank goodness she beat that cancer biatch and she’s around to be able to witness all of these milestones.

Today is her 60th birthday!

I think back to one of my main milestones, my wedding, and try to think how it would have been different to experience it without a Jewish mother. Who would’ve nagged me to make sure I bring my Spanx to each dress fitting? Who would’ve looked over each contract with a careful eye to make sure that my guests were getting enough to eat? Who would’ve told me I was ridiculous for harping on dumb things? Who would’ve been so, so, so generous with shower gifts or her time at vendor meetings? I know how lucky I was to have my mom so involved in my wedding and am thankful to have had that experience with her.

My mom and me the morning of my bridal shower. It was such a fun experience with her!

My mom takes my arm as we are about to walk down the aisle at the wedding rehearsal and we got gussied up for the rehearsal dinner later that night!

I also know that not every bride is in my position to have her mama by her side, so my wish is for every bride to have a special mom-like woman along for the ride who will take on the duties and role of a Mother of the Bride. Whether it’s an aunt, a grandma, a best friend, or a cousin, women should have a mentor; You should be able to count on someone wise, who loves you, but is just objective and fearless enough to play a good round of Devil’s Advocate/Jewish Mother.

So on her big birthday (omg she’s going to kill me for this), I want to wish my mom a happy day and year ahead, and thank her for kicking cancer’s ass ten years ago and being part of my life for the past decade. There will only be more exciting things to share together and while they may not be as beautiful or consuming as a wedding (you SO know what I mean, ladies!), I know the importance of my mother’s role in my life and I hope all of you Yentas also have a lady you can hug who’s been just as important during your wedding planning or other big life moments.

For the past few weeks, my mom and dad have been jetsetting to celebrate another big event; not only is my mom turning 60 today, but next month, they celebrate 40 years of marriage. It was their wedding album that gave me the wedding obsession bug, and, hence, The Wedding Yentas as we know it. And while they’ve been off galavanting through some of the world’s most beautiful cities, I’ve missed her! Chatting through opposite time zones makes it tricky to catch up, and Baby Yenta has definitely been without her Mimi for far too long. She comes back home today (Happy birthday from TSA! Here’s an intrusive pat down that may as well be a pap smear) and I’m so excited to celebrate this big birthday with her.

Thanks for being born, Mom.

Important moments from my wedding day with my mom by my side.
Photos by Eight20 Photography

Your Futuristic Wedding

Posted on May 2, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas, Planning

My husband and I went to an amazing wedding of our closest friends this past weekend. It was the epitome of lovely and as usual, weddings put us in a nostalgic mood for our own wedding, which was almost five years ago. We were talking about what our wedding would be like if we were getting married NOW; as in, in 2013 instead of 2008.

While our wedding was one of the best days of our lives, would it be different if it were being planned now? Yes. In 2008, it was perfect, so I’m not regretting much of anything. But it’s interesting to think about what the aesthetics might be like, who the vendors would have been, and the make up of the guest list in our fake 2013 wedding.

Take the guest list, for example. There are people in our wedding photos who are no longer as close to us for various reasons (changes in life, distance, etc.). More importantly, there are lots of people MISSING from the photos because we hadn’t met or reconnected yet. One reason we wish we could do it all over again is so that we could include those people who, just five years ago, were not present in our inner circle of wedding guests. We’ll make sure they make the list for the 50th anniversary party in 2058. They’ll arrive by flying car, right?

Photo booths were just coming into play in 2008. I wish I would have had one! I had no idea it was a “thing!” And now that I get the privilege of reviewing hundreds of weddings a year for publication on The Wedding Yentas, I now feel inspired to wear colorful peep toe heels at my fake future wedding! I wore white sandal heels and looking back, I wish I’d worn a pop of color on my shoe. There are vendors I’ve connected with since that I would have hired because I’ve come to love them as people as well as their work. Little things would have been different. Other things would stay the same. Loved my venue, for example (Spanish Hills Country Club) and I’m still obsessed with our florist (Happy Flowers).

When it comes down to it, your wedding day is really a snapshot in time. It’s a living museum of who’s important to you and what your style is like. Embrace the timeless traditions you will uphold and make your mark to represent you and your partner as a couple. Your wedding will be the most perfect reflection of you … ON YOUR WEDDING DAY. You’ll fast forward years later and find that things would be different if you were doing it all over again and that’s OK! Make your wedding day the best version of life as you know it. You’ll have fun reminiscing about what you’d change and what you’d keep in years to come.

So all this is to say: Put your heart and soul into your wedding — that’s fine! But don’t fret about making sure you’re making all the right choices to represent your lifetime as a couple. In a handful of matters, trends will be different, priorities will change, and your lives will be going in unpredictable directions. Care only about the moment of now.

The only thing that really stays the same over time is who you kiss goodnight at the end of the day.

This photo would have been more adorable if I’d been wearing a hot pink shoe! (photo by: Eight20 Photography)

Your Wedding Photos Last A Lifetime

Posted on April 24, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas, Inside Scoop, Jewish Traditions

As many friends of The Wedding Yentas community know, my grandfather passed away on April 3 and even though it was expected and he was 92 years young, it’s still a difficult and sad time for my family. He was an accomplished man who ran a successful business, was a father to three daughters, loved his five grandchildren, and enjoyed his three great grandchildren (one of them is Baby Yenta!), indulged in chocolate, cheered on his favorite baseball team, and kept an orderly and organized home.

He lived a very full life. He served as a mail carrier in the army during World War II and was involved in some of the most historic battles and landmarks. He traveled extensively and was extremely philanthropic, especially in the Jewish community and within the synagogue he heavily funded.

If there’s one thing the Jewish people know how to do, it’s a funeral. Two days after my Grandpa passed away, all the people who loved him — and it was a lot! — filed into the chapel of a well-known Los Angeles Jewish memorial park. After some Jewish prayers, heartfelt eulogies, and an Honor Guard that presented my Grandma with a commemorative flag for her fallen soldier, it was all over and everyone caravanned back to the home my grandparents shared to partake in — no surprise here — a perfect and delicious deli spread. The remainder of the afternoon and evening was a wonderful party filled with good conversation and good food, an event my Grandpa would’ve definitely enjoyed. The Jews do it right: mourn, bury, eat. It’s comforting, socially and emotionally.

Besides the people, the one thing that traveled from the funeral to the “after-party” was a science fair-like poster board filled with photos from my Grandpa’s life and the people who loved him. I love looking at the photos of him as a strapping young man in the army, near the age he met my Grandma. I also love revisiting memories for which I was present in photos that memorialize him the way I remember him as a little girl.

And even with a rich life of experiences and crowds of loved ones, what’s that one photo in the middle of the poster board?

His wedding photo.

Taken April 20, 1947 by a now unknown photographer, never blogged, never shared on Facebook. This photo is the center of a poster board which is meant to recap his full life. Without even strategizing or analyzing, it was understood that the most important photo to represent his life as we knew it was the photo that showcased him next to his bride, my Grandma.

People, this is important: why am I telling you about my Grandpa who passed away? Because your wedding photos will be a recap of what’s considered the most important day of your life. You will have many important days: the day you get promoted at work; the day you run your first marathon; the day you receive the key to the house you just bought. And if there is a camera available on those other important days, will the output of the camera be at the center of your funeral science fair poster board?

It’s no secret I’m a wedding junkie and I’m lucky enough to review hundreds of weddings a year to publish on The Wedding Yentas. I have many friends in all fields of the wedding industry. I love flowers like the next girly girl and I think music makes or breaks your party. But let me be real for one second: your photographer better be good. You must love your photographer so that you are comfortable getting all nakey-nakey before you put on your dress and feel totally cool with kissing your partner a zillion times throughout the day on camera. You have to adore your photographer’s work and trust the technical and artistic credentials that sealed the deal for you. Do not try to save money on your photographer. Save money elsewhere. Or, choose a photographer within a reasonable budget. But do not hire a photographer based on dollar signs — or lack thereof — alone. Choose your photographer because you are obsessed with your photographer. Hire a trained professional who specializes in weddings (and bonus points if he or she has shot Jewish weddings!). Be absolutely sure that any money exchanged buys you the most phenomenal wedding photos.

What I love most about my grandparents’ wedding photo is that it could be anybody, really. Go look at your grandparents’ wedding snapshots. I bet they look just like mine. There are variations on the location and the dress, of course, but I think that’s the special part about Jewish families: everyone’s photos look the same; the people are just swapped out. Is that my Aunt Frieda or yours? Who knows. All Uncle Louises look alike.

I love my grandparents’ photographer because he captured them in a magical time during which all members of The Greatest Generation seemed to sparkle. That “I just got back from war not too long ago and I am ready to conquer the world with this pretty lady by my side” look. There was no Photoshop. There was no Instagram. There was no blogging. It was just a photographer, his camera, and his subjects. And from that came a handful of photos of a young couple in love.

That young couple aged and the bride remains with us. The groom, that handsome son of immigrant parents groom, is no longer alive, but his face lights up the photo the way it did throughout his whole life.

One day, you’re going to die. There will be a deli platter. And hopefully, right smack in the middle of a science fair poster board, there will be a photo of you and your life-long love taken on your wedding day by the best photographer you knew.

Noshing At Tiffany’s Styled Shoot — The Wedding

Posted on April 11, 2013 by Alison in Bridesmaids, Featured, Flowers, From the Expert, From The Yentas, Planning, Styled Shoot

It was important to me, as the producer of Noshing At Tiffany’s, to make sure that in addition to capturing the brilliant details created by the dream team of vendors, that we also create a mock wedding that would not only showcase the beautiful and artistic elements, but also highlight major Jewish traditions that you’d likely see or experience at your Jewish or Jew-ish wedding.

So, let’s take a walk down the aisle together as we watch our models (who are real-life husband and wife!) Runya and Jason get married with their (new) friends, Yana and Jonathan serving as their best man and maid of honor!

It all starts with some portraits of this good looking crew!

After portraits, it’s time to sign the ketubah! The ketubah is called Jerusalem Love Tree and is by Anna Abramzon. We love how it’s a modern and whimsical piece of art, but still matches the Tiffany’s blue vintage theme. The couple signed the ketubah and their wedding party served as their witnesses. In real life, remember, your witnesses should be Jewish, non-blood relatives, and don’t forget to use an archival pen, not a Sharpie or Paper Mate.

Once the ketubah ceremony is finished, it’s time to head over to the chuppah ceremony! Happy Flowers set up and decorated the chuppah in addition to the creative flower duties. Even on a blustery day, the chuppah held up and stood strong! The bride and groom stood under the chuppah together, shared some wine in the kiddush cup, got wrapped in the groom’s tallit, and of course, the big finish was stepping on the glass!

There is so much more that takes place in a real chuppah ceremony, but here we are focusing on some of the photogenic snippets. “Mazel tov” to the “married” (again to each other) couple!

After the ceremony, it’s time to celebrate! How about some merriment around a stylishly decorated table, brilliantly designed by Cynthia Alexander of An Enlightened Event? We’ve already gushed over the details of the table, but now it’s time to talk about what happens at the table.

Toasts to the bride and groom! Snuggling as “newlyweds!” And Ooooo-ing and Ahhhh-ing over the decor! Yes, this is definitely a brunch party like no other.

There’s still nothing like a real Jewish wedding and there are plenty more REAL ones in store as The Wedding Yentas receives submissions daily. If you’d like to send your waiting in for review, please email alison @ theweddingyentas dot com for details. I’ll need your wedding photos zipped or sent through Dropbox, a full vendor list with links, and a blurb about the day. Photographers and other wedding pros may also submit via Two Bright Lights.

Producing Noshing At Tiffany’s was a total blast and I’m still pinching myself that this team came together and made this much beauty. Are you inspired to design your own vintage wedding?

Photographer: Erin Saldana Photography
Venue and Catering: Stonehaus at The Westlake Village Inn
Styled Shoot Designer and Wedding Coordinator: An Enlightened Event
Bride and Bridesmaid Dresses & Accessories: Mill Crest Vintage
Floral Design & Chuppah: Happy Flowers
Event Design and Rentals: Pretty Vintage Table
Tuxedos: Friar Tux
Blue Chocolate Covered Strawberries: Bobalu Berries
Rolls Royce: Classy Chassis
Dessert Topper and Servingware: Bling Diva Designs
Paper Food Cards and Paper Table Number: Fla-de-Dahs
Ketubah: Anna Abramzon Studio
Hair Stylist: Hair of the Bride, Helena Van Zandbergen
Makeup Artist: Sam Salk
Linens: Ventura Rental Party Center

Wonderful Models: Runya Simon, Jason Simon, Yana Ward, Jonathan Bluth