Category Archives: Inside Scoop

********** GIVEAWAY GOING ON NOW THROUGH AUGUST 2nd!!! ***********

Don’t forget your chance to enter to win! Krystal of Stella & Dot is giving away a gift certificate to her store! Just check out all the goodies at Stella & Dot and report back by leaving a comment here and sharing what you would choose!

Entries will be accepted through Thursday, August 2nd at 11:59 p.m. PST. Winner is selected at random and announced on Facebook on August 3rd. Good luck!

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Your bridesmaids are like a potpourri of your life connections. Your collection of gals might consist of a family member, high school friends, and sorority sisters. Or maybe the girls from your college cheerleading squad make up your bridal party, but they’re scattered around the country, leading their different post-graduate lives. It’s very probable that the contact you have with your bridesmaids is via GChat during the work day and on the phone during your commute home in the evenings. Texting gets you quick fixes of inside jokes and updates, and your refrigerator serves as an exhibit of all the various things going on in everyones’ lives with birth announcements, bridal shower invitations, “We’re Moving” notifications, and wedding stationery attached to the door with magnets. Today’s bride rarely has in-person access to all or most of her bridesmaids and though it may seem tedious or complicated getting everyone acquainted and on the same page, it’s actually no big deal.

How do the bridesmaids know each other if everyone can’t be together? Well, introduce them! Send out an email to all the girls and do a mini orientation by listing their names and contact information. Give some context and explain how you know them. This breaks the ice so it’s not awkward for them to interact behind your back while they plan surprises and fun events for you.

In fact, just steal this:

Hi Ladies!
I’m so excited that you’ll be part of my big day!! You are all very special to me and having you by my side as I get married to Channing Tatum (just making sure you’re still with me) makes the day even more special!

Because not everyone knows each other, I thought I’d introduce the hottest bridesmaids in the world to… the hottest bridesmaids in the world!

My Maid of Honor is ________. I know her from ____________. Her email is __________ and I’m sure she’ll be sending you more messages as the time goes on.

{here, list the rest of your girls, how you know them, and their conact info}.

Thank you for everything! I can’t wait to celebrate with you all!

Love,
Your Name

Okay, so once you’ve done the hello and how-do-you-dos, how else can you build your team of bridesmaid? You’ll have to decide on what they’ll be wearing. However, you can’t possibly cater to every girl’s taste and body. Work with your Maid of Honor to be the spearhead for this task. You want to please — it’s your tragic flaw — but it’s just not realistic to get everyone together and go shopping. Once the dresses have been selected, your Maid of Honor should instruct the bridesmaids to go to a professional tailor or dress shop to get measurements taken. Each bridesmaid should send their measurements to the Maid of Honor so she has them and can place the order with the shop that is selling the bridesmaid dresses. Your Maid of Honor needs to communicate the dress selection to the whole bridal party and the dresses really should be ordered all together so that dye lots are the same.

The bride should send out messages to the bridesmaid group about dates and costs of things with plenty of notice and several reminders afterward. It’s not that the girls are flaky or uncaring, but everyone is living their individual lives. You can’t expect that your girls will be on top of every date for your wedding events. So, just send some emails with updates about dates (rehearsal dinner, bridesmaid lunch, wedding day, day-after brunch, etc.) or with travel information once you know it. Especially if your girls are scattered around the country, you’ll want to give them inside scoop as you learn it about airfare, hotel reservations, transportation set ups, and any other travel-related pieces of information.

Make sure you give clear deadlines for bridesmaid things that have hard dates attached like dress order-by dates or RSVPs for a shower thrown by someone other than them. You can also delegate this to your MOH since you probably are too busy slash you don’t want to deal with harassing bridesmaids about these kinds of things. But that’s why choosing a MOH who’s on top of her game is super important!

Even if you’re a control freak, I don’t care — the bride does not plan her own parties like showers and bachelorettes! Just make sure to tell whoever is hosting a bridal shower that bridesmaids should be invited even if they’re not local or available. Because they’re part of your wedding inner-circle, they should be included in all events, though it is up to them if they can make them. You should make sure to communicate with them that it’s totally okay if they can’t make the shower or party. They should know they’re invited, but not pressured to travel.

As for the wedding weekend, you’ll need to set up clear communication with your bridesmaids about when everyone arrives in town so you can coordinate pick ups and car rides and hotel accommodations. You are not expected to pay for these things, but you should manage the bridesmaid reunion for your wedding weekend events. Emails with reply-all settings will help everyone stay on the same page.

Enjoy this special time with your favorite ladies. You picked them for a reason, so now is the time to enjoy your unique relationship with each bridesmaid. From sorority socials to high school football games to summer camp Shabbats, you have hundreds of memories combined with this group. Get excited to form many more for your big day!

********** GIVEAWAY GOING ON NOW THROUGH AUGUST 2nd!!! ***********

Don’t forget your chance to enter to win! Krystal of Stella & Dot is giving away a gift certificate to her store! Just check out all the goodies at Stella & Dot and report back by leaving a comment here and sharing what you would choose!

Entries will be accepted through Thursday, August 2nd at 11:59 p.m. PST. Winner is selected at random and announced on Facebook on August 3rd. Good luck!

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Maybe it’s all the hubbub of Magic Mike or those fine-looking athletes who are doing their thaaaang at the Olympics (hello, Matt Anderson Who Plays Volleyball For Team USA And By The Way, Does He Like Nice Jewish Girls?), but there are some good lookin’ dudes in the media right now. Made me think back to when I younger — circa Bat Mitzvah 1996 — and my crush of the time was JTT. Please. Girls of the 90s. Who did NOT like JTT? I even had his poster from Teen Beat taped to the ceiling of my room (Devon Sawa was in the same issue. Good times). There may or may not have been a lipstick mark on his face. I think our moms all did this with Paul McCartney posters, so please, this age of practicing kissing has gone on for, like, generations. I’m sure Sarah and Rachel and Rebecca practiced kissing stone tablets or something, no?

Practicing kissing is not just a funny and innocent blip from your childhood. Did you ever think about doing some practice kissing with the lucky duck at the other end of the chuppah?

Hey, go for a mitzvah on Shabbat and take it as far as you want — we don’t need to discuss the nitty gritty of what practice kissing leads to. But there are benefits… besides the obvious.

Let’s be honest: were a jumble of nerves on the big wedding day. The nerves all stem from excitement, of course, but that adrenaline is running on turbo. In the same way couples may discuss the cake cutting (to smash or not to smash?) or the first dance (to choreograph or to wing it?) , it is probably beneficial to have a chat — or a kiss! — about the first smooch as newlyweds.

So what’s it gonna be? Passionate and steamy? A sweet peck, 7th grade style? With spaghetti between you like Lady and the Tramp? Okay, kidding (but really, you could practice with a kugel!), but better to chat about it now than to be humiliated about the way you were kissed and didn’t want to be on the wedding day.

Keep in mind, too, that you’re going to be surrounded by your family and friends. And if you’re doing the traditional chuppah thing, your parents are going to be under the canopy with you! And your grandparents will probably be in the front row! So, really, up to you, but you can always save the oo la la for your honeymoon. Just sayin’…

Are you a couple who’s usually participating in PDA to begin with? Those who are frequently in your company might be used to it and won’t even blink about a touchy-feely kiss. My husband and I are not quite the PDA type because we are always on the go, we don’t have time to get all mushy gushy. However, we are a playful and silly couple, so our first kiss was short and sweet with multiple pecks. I only know this from watching the video. It could have been a drinking game: take a shot every time Alison goes in for another!!

Maybe marry a few different styles of kisses. Instead of showing your passion that resembles a the cover of a Fabio romance novel, share a kiss or two that has impact with lips and add in some hand holding or neck hugging. A nice little dip at the end will get a perfect 10 from the judges/wedding guess.

Okay, okay, I’m not going to choreograph your first kiss for you. Just sharing some ideas and things to think about as you seal the deal.

If anything, just say that The Wedding Yentas demands you do a few test drives for your first kiss. I doubt there’ll be an argument about it and who knows, it could end in your own personal Magic Mike show!

********** GIVEAWAY GOING ON NOW THROUGH AUGUST 2nd!!! ***********

Don’t forget your chance to enter to win! Krystal of Stella & Dot is giving away a gift certificate to her store! Just check out all the goodies at Stella & Dot and report back by leaving a comment here and sharing what you would choose!

Entries will be accepted through Thursday, August 2nd at 11:59 p.m. PST. Winner is selected at random and announced on Facebook on August 3rd. Good luck!

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Let’s talk about veils. To wear one or not to wear one? If you choose to wear a veil, then which kind of veil should you were? There are, like, a zillion styles. So what should you go with? What’s the terminology? Does the veil have to match the dress?

There’s so much to think about for an accessory that’s pretty to look at and serves a cultural purpose. Read on for information… unveiled.

Camo is a No No
If you choose to wear a detailed wedding gown that sparkles with beading or has serious texture like lace, consider wearing a veil that doesn’t clash or hide those elements. What a shame it would be to select your dream dress and then cover it up with a veil that hides jewels or fancy buttons. An elbow-length veil will still serve its purpose but then also not upstage your dress.

Caw! Caw! Wear a Birdcage
For serious drama or a vintage look, the birdcage veil is a classic. If you want a more traditional veil for your ceremony, you could always model a birdcage piece for photos or the reception. It’s a super-chic look that many brides love, but think they can’t pull off!! Just make sure your dress is in the same category of style. A very full and conservative gown might not mesh (haha, get it?) well with a birdcage veil, so go with a dress that’s sleek or sexy or vintage.

Can’t We All Just Get Along?
Don’t let your dress fight with your veil. Instead, they should complement each other! If your dress has beading or pretty, sparkly doodads on it, then your veil should lean toward the plain side. If your dress provides simple beauty without jewels or lots of lacy additions, then your veil can have elaborate extras. But if you combine both, the veil and the dress will end up in a one-upping competition and you’ll lose the splendor altogether. This goes for your jewelry, too. The more detailed your veil is, the softer and simpler your jewelry must be. All three elements should definitely play well together, and not against each other. There is definitely such thing as too much of a good… bling.

Color Me Bride
Make sure to color coordinate! While you don’t want your dress and veil details to be too matchy-matchy, you definitely have to make sure your colors are! If you are wearing an ivory dress, it would be no bueno to wear a diamond white veil. Many bridal salons will offer you swatch samples to compare and be sure that both items match. There is no wrong color — it’s up to you to decide what works for your style and skin tone — but you definitely want to be sure that the color is consistent for both beauties.

Veil Types
You’d think that a drapey piece of mesh would be a no-brainer shopping experience. Wrong! If you’ve just started shopping for a veil, you’ll start to hear lots of body part-centric lingo that you didn’t know could describe a wedding day accessory. Basically, many veils are described by the body part they reach. There’s shoulder length, elbow length, fingertip length, knee length, and floor length (not a body part, but toe-length just sounds weird). Then, there’s church lingo that describes two other varieties of veils and let’s face it, Hebrew school didn’t prepare you for that kind of information. Chapel length veils extend to the floor, about seven feet from the top/head piece. A cathedral length veil trails anywhere from one to three yards behind the dress. The most formal style of veil is the cathedral length.

Bride, Groom… and Veil Photos?
You and your beloved will be taking a day’s worth of photos together. From posed shots to candid snaps, the two of you will get total paparazzi treatment and it’s your big opportunity to be fierce! Your veil can be a character in your photos, too! From romantic to playful, make sure to include your veil in your happy day. You’ll be happy you did… from head to toe. Here are some camera must haves to run by your photographer.

********** GIVEAWAY GOING ON NOW THROUGH AUGUST 2nd!!! ***********

Don’t forget your chance to enter to win! Krystal of Stella & Dot is giving away a gift certificate to her store! Just check out all the goodies at Stella & Dot and report back by leaving a comment here and sharing what you would choose!

Entries will be accepted through Thursday, August 2nd at 11:59 p.m. PST. Winner is selected at random and announced on Facebook on August 3rd. Good luck!

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Before my sister-in-law got engaged last Fall, there was a night when my husband and I sat around the table eating and talking (it’s what our people do best, no?) with her and her then-boyfriend-now-fiance who are getting married this October. She is now a bride who scours wedding blogs (and we all know which one is her favorite, right? RIGHT???), and is constantly tasked with the millions of decisions that go into planning a wedding.

During our dinner table chat before she was engaged, we were discussing the difficult choices of selecting a wedding party. For SIL’s then-boyfriend-now-fiance, the options were pretty simple and easily assumed. For SIL, the situation was different: should she pick bridesmaids who she had history with and has known a long time, but isn’t currently close to? Or should she choose gals who she knows are true friends right now, but maybe don’t have seniority compared to others? Naturally one of her options was easy (ahem! MOH represent!), but rounding out the rest of her party required more thought. And then, it dawned on her: should the amount of bridesmaids equal to the amount of groomsmen? This round table conversation went in spirals as we analyzed the ins and outs of choosing the wedding party.

I don’t necessarily think there’s one right or wrong answer. But for discussion’s sake, I’ll share our conversation and what it came down to.

The bridesmaids are part of an exciting time in a bride’s life. They definitely have a required presence on the wedding day, but usually play parts in the months leading up to the chuppah as there are dress shopping, bridal showers, and bachelorette party dates to add to the calendar. Since that’s a pretty hefty commitment, it’s in the bride’s best interest to choose women who will be around for a long time, preferably, ya know, for life. So, the tennis partner du jour at the country club is probably not the best option.

We also agreed that friends come in many different categories. Friends from the category called We’ve Known Each Other Forever And Passed Notes In Sixth Grade During Math Class And You Were There For Me When I Got My First Period And We Saw Each Other During Our Breaks Home From College But Don’t Really Talk As Much Anymore, well, as nice as it is to know people from that far back, probably don’t belong in your bridal party either.

So there’s a fine line. The Way Backs and the Right Nows. SIL and I decided that the Right Nows who will certainly turn into In The Long Runs are the best option. They are excited for your bridal adventure and they know you best as a bride and, most likely, your husband-to-be as well. The odds are in your favor that you have more in common with them during this stage of your life and that the quality of friendship is equitable on both sides. If you are a lucky girl to have that lifelong friend that you’ve stayed closed with through all the stages of life, then by all means, that is a girl who is going to be one rockstar bridesmaid. But don’t let nostalgia take over your wedding party. Embrace your current friends and tell them that they mean so much to you and you’ll enjoy the experience even more with them by your side on your wedding day, but also throughout your marriage.

As for the equal amount of ladies and gents in the wedding party: personal preference! SIL and her then-boyfriend-now-fiance were pairing up their potential bridesmaids and groomsmen together to walk down the aisle two by two, but when their amounts didn’t even up and there were some men without a lady, they scratched their heads — conundrum!– and I said “Feh! Why do they need to pair up? Give each one their time in the spotlight and let them do a solo mosey down the aisle!” (for the record: since they’ve gotten engaged, it worked out that they have four and four and will be walking down in couples. I didn’t wan you to lose sleep over this so I thought it was relevant to share the outcome of their decision). Eureka! So, there’s that. Don’t have an equal group? That’s so okay. Pair some up? Sure! Make them all go solo? Fine! Do a three-way saunter, linked arms, Wizard of Oz-style? Why not!

And then we realized there are no rules. When it comes to picking out your bridesmaids or choreographing who walks with who and when, just remember, it’s your wedding! I seem to preach that a lot here on The Wedding Yentas, but it’s true. It’s. Your. Wedding. Yours. YOU. Yours.

It’s going to be unique anyway because there are no two people like you and your lovey in the world. So, why should your wedding be like every other wedding in the world? Make decisions that suit you best, that you feel comfortable with, and that will make you happy for years to come as you look back on your wedding day. And the people who stand by your sides should be just as excited for you as you are for your special day!

********** GIVEAWAY GOING ON NOW THROUGH AUGUST 2nd!!! ***********

Don’t forget your chance to enter to win! Krystal of Stella & Dot is giving away a gift certificate to her store! Just check out all the goodies at Stella & Dot and report back by leaving a comment here and sharing what you would choose!

Entries will be accepted through Thursday, August 2nd at 11:59 p.m. PST. Winner is selected at random and announced on Facebook on August 3rd. Good luck!

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If you’re having tsuris about narrowing down and choosing a first dance song, I don’t blame you. There’s, like, a bajillion songs in the world, and agreeing on a tune that’s also “appropriate” for a wedding is super stressful.

There could be a number of reasons why you can’t settle on a song. Maybe you both met doing a super romantic dance crazy of our late 90s/early 2000s college days like, um, “grinding” to Nelly’s “Ride Wit Me” at the go-to college dive bar. Or maybe you guys have polar opposite tastes in music since you love Martina McBride and he has Flo Rida plugged into his Pandora station. Another possibility is that you are both scared out of your minds to have 200 of your closest friends and family watch you figure out what to do with both of your left feet as you attempt to partake in a age-old tradition and stumble along to a song that should make you look like the Hough duo.

These are all very legit reasons to roll your eyes about your first dance. Just take comfort in knowing that your first chance is yet another opportunity for you two to show just why you’re a fabulous couple. Make it about YOU. Not the steps. Not the song. You.

How?

Well, obviously you have to pick the song that’s special for you both. There are different kinds of “special” and you haven’t come to The Wedding Mind Readers. You’re at The Wedding Yentas so let’s have an open discussion about what you need to actually ask yourself.

Is there a song that has a special meaning to your relationship? Was there something playing in the background of the place where you first met, and the music swelled as you laid eyes on each other and drums pounded as he took your breath away and a dramatic key change orchestrated your first exchanged smile? If so, you either met on the set of a Nicholas Sparks book-turned-movie or you have a really cool life. And if that’s the case, well, there’s your song.

Also, there might be a song that reminds you of an event that you enjoyed together. Maybe a musical or a concert or a charity dinner. Perhaps you will enjoy dancing to a song that played during a special memory you made together.

Consider the style or theme of your wedding and think about songs that may fit in. For example, if you’re having a sea side wedding, a beachy song might be a perfect choice for your first dance (think: Beach Boys?). If it’s a destination, maybe choose something that’s from that geography’s culture or song book.

Be cheesy. Cheesy doesn’t equal tacky. Let’s face it, the first dance is a pretty romantic part of the wedding, so maybe brainstorm some super romantic songs. I’m talkin’ about the ones that are played on late night infomercials where the titles scroll across the screen and a washed up D-list actor describes the album while sipping a glass of wine. Yeah, that guy.

Crossing fingers here, but maybe you both love the same band or singer? If that’s the case, choose a song from that list. Say you guys are both Jason Mraz fans; there are definitely a few options that would work great for a first dance. Narrowing down like that makes selecting a single song much easier.

Once you’ve decided on your song, make sure that your DJ can get it (if it’s obscure) or that your band can play it. For example, my husband and I danced to “For Once In My Life” which most people know as a Stevie Wonder song. But unless Stevie himself was going to play at our wedding, it’s one of those songs better left alone. For a jazzier and more romantic version, we asked our band to play it like Michael Buble performs it, and it sounded great. They did a little research and got their act together perfectly. I liked that it was a known song, but the version wasn’t as well-known so people weren’t as quick to judge or compare with the radio cut by Stevie.

Even after these pointers, if you’re still not obsessed with your first dance song and you don’t care to bathe in a pool of its sheet music, it’s okay. After all, it is just a dance and takes up approximately 3.5 minutes of your entire wedding day. No one is going to know if it isn’t the single song that exactly describes the way your heart beats for your partner. If you both just like it and it serves the purpose of a step-together-step-touch, then you’re good to go. It does not have to be the defining moment of the world’s greatest romance.

And if you’re not interested in doing a choreographed number and the idea of swaying back and forth like 7th graders gives you anxiety, choose something upbeat and fun! There are no rules. It’s your wedding day and your dance.

If you’re not even sure about being the center of dancing attention, you can always ask your MC to invite everyone to dance with you. One big group first dance to start off the evening and, oh look!, it just happens to be your first dance as marrieds.

What first dance song did you choose? What are you thinking of using? Share some of your ideas here!