Category Archives: Planning

******** THIS IS A STICKY POST THROUGH 2/29 ********
All of the MP Artworks ketubah couples are excited for your votes! We are one day closer to announcing our ketubah winners! Voting is open right now and goes through February 29 at 11:59 p.m. PST. The winning couple will be announced March 1. Find your ketubah couples here! Voting can take place on The Wedding Yentas Facebook page, or the MP Artworks Facebook page, or the Ketubah Couples website page. Votes on any other page of The Wedding Yentas web site will not be counted.
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Valentine’s Day was last week so there may be some newly engaged Yentas joining our big online family. If you are one of those newbies with brand new bling on the finger, welcome to The Wedding Yentas! We wish you hearty mazels and hope we can help you with all your Jewish wedding planning needs!

One of the many engagement milestones is a photo shoot, typically with your wedding photographer, that happens at some point before you actually tie the knot. This photo shoot is helpful for both of you: the couple and your hired photographer. You may think you’re comfortable behind a camera, but remember, every photographer has a different style and method, so taking engagement photos gives you and your betrothed a sneak peak into what you can expect from your photographer on the big day. Also, your photographer will learn about how to photograph you. Let’s face it, everyone is different — different angles, features, bodies, comfort levels — and this shoot will also allow your photographer to get a feel for what methods work for capturing you at your best. I know that I would want my photographer to know my good side (right) and if I have extra chins from a weird angle (true) before the big show when the photos truly matter. Plus, whatever, it’s fun.

These shoots are usually included in most photographers’ wedding packages when you book and it’s a good idea to put some thought into personalizing this kind of session. Make sure to ask if your wedding day reservation also includes an engagement shoot and then ask if you receive a DVD of the photos. Some couples may ask to eliminate the session in order to save money, but here’s the thing: a) Usually you can’t do this because photographers have already included this service in their package and rate. b) You wouldn’t be doing yourself any favors because the value of the engagement session is more than just a monetary one. It’s like a rehearsal for the photos for which you’re actually paying and hiring your photographer. So don’t try to have your photographer remove this service and see the price go down. It’s probably not possible and you’re only cutting your nose to spite your face. And let’s face it, that face needs to look good for the wedding!

Also, keep in mind that engagement photos can be more than just fun and games. You can actually use them for wedding-related tangibles. Many couples like to incorporate their engagement shots in save the dates, escort cards, table numbers, guestbooks, or sign-in boards.

So, let’s fast forward: You’ve confirmed that your photographer does indeed shoot engagement photos and you’re amped to get started. What do you need to know?

• Pick a date! Go with a date that doesn’t cause you to rush, so make sure your schedule is clear. Also, consider weather and how that plays into your shoot. If you know you want to wear cute, summery dresses, it’s probably not best to book a date in February. Make sure to think about where you want to shoot and how the date will affect your location as well. Some places are closed on the weekends. Check before!
• Speaking of places, you can shoot your engagement photos anywhere, but maybe think of a location that’s special to you and your partner. We’ve seen engagement photos in the ballparks of the couple’s favorite baseball team! Perhaps you and your fiance are alum of the same university or met through Hillel at college; you might want to walk around campus and take photos at your favorite spots. Maybe you’re into cycling and the outdoors; we’ve seen adorable photos of couples hiking or on bikes by the beach. Think about colorful locations like piers or carnivals. The park usually has great color and open space as well. The possibilities are endless and we encourage you to think outside the box.
• Confirm with your photographer what colors or patterns work on camera. Some may say no busy prints or white colors depending on their style and post-processing methods. This is important because you want to be sure that what you wear will be appropriately represented in your finished product. You also may be able to have two or three different looks in your shoot. This is something else you should confirm with your photographer. If you do have multiple looks, make sure you find a variety of outfits to wear. It’s fun to see engagement photos that feature the couple in casual and formal wear.
• Be yourself! Don’t try to mimic your favorite model or celebrity. You’ll probably just end up looking silly (um, been there, done that). Instead, just smile and have fun! If you’re actually, really, truly having fun, your photos will look like that you are actually, really, truly having fun! Forcing poses or pouty lips doesn’t work. If you and your partner have fun acting goofy together, then let out your inner silly. If you’re more on the shy side and not really wild and crazy, that’s okay, too! Just be your usual in-love selves and the goodness will pour through the photos!

*Fabulous photography by Kim Fox.

You have a budget and you have to stick to it. You price everything out perfectly and know what your wedding will end up costing.

Are you in the clear? Probably. But it’s easy to forget about some “hidden” wedding costs that we don’t exactly think about when we’re making lists and spreadsheets. Big bulk costs like florals or invitations are rather simple to figure, but you don’t want to miss out on counting more silent and un-fun fees so that you can cross every “i” and “t” in your wedding planning alphabet.

Sales Tax
The contract that you sign with each vendor will include their rate and this is probably the figure you’ll count in your planning budget. But make sure you also note the sales tax if it’s not obvious or on the contract. Some vendors will include the sales tax in their rate, but it can’t hurt to confirm so that you’re not surprised later on when the charge goes up (sometimes a few hundred?) in dollars. Also, some vendors may charge an extra percentage for credit card usage. If you’re sticking to a strict budget, you may want to find an alternative way to pay so you don’t have silly credit card fees in addition to your agreed upon rate.

Setup and Delivery Charges
Flowers, cake, chairs, and other wedding elements that might be mobile may also come with a setup or delivery charge. Renting furniture for a lounge area will look cool in your reception space, but unless you plan on hauling the pieces in your own Jetta and arranging them as you shvitz through your wedding dress, it’s a safe bet that you’ll want them delivered and set up. That’s great, but just know that you’re likely going to pay a fee for this service in addition to the rental cost. Make sure you find out what these types of fees are before you commit to the vendor. Also, know that same day tear down and pick up may be an additional charge as well. Knowing these kinds of details will help you calculate your cost and plan with your venue as well.

Overtime
Can’t stop dancing? No one’s leaving the floor to go home? The party’s in full force? Well, mazel tov on throwing a successful wedding reception, but prepare to pay extra for a celebration that goes past its curfew or contracted time. Bands, photographers, and vendors can charge you extra for continuing the party. Your photographer should check with you before leaving to make sure you’re happy and if you want them to stay for additional time. If you say yes, that’s totally okay, but just know that you’ll likely pay an extra hourly cost. Musicians typically function this way, too, and venues will also charge you to keep the lights on longer than you originally anticipated. These are reasonable charges since you’re paying your vendors an hourly rate and they are agreeing to stay past the contracted allotted time. You may have to make a game time decision, but if you’re having the time of your life, it’ll be worth the price!

Stamps
You’ve picked out invitations that complement your wedding’s style and fall within the price you want to pay for them. But how are they going to get to the guests’ mailboxes? Stamps! Guess what, stamps cost money! And, for a flimsy, square inch piece of sticky paper, they actually end up costing a lot more money than you’d probably like to spend. Also, you can’t forget to think about the stamps that go on the RSVP card. To top it all off, if your invitation suite is in an unusual size envelope or in a box, be prepared to pay even more in postage. When it’s time to send those babies off into the big, scary world, take them to the post office where they can be weighed and calculated so you know exactly how much dough you’ll be dishing out. Figure you’ll probably spend anywhere from $200 to $400 in stamps if you are having an average size wedding.

Gifts for Bridesmaids and Groomsmen
Don’t forget to show your gratitude for your wedding party with gifts that usually have some sentimental significance. Between buying a dress or renting a tux, chipping in for a bachelor or bachelorette party, contributing to the shower, and spending miscellaneous cash on accessories, flights, and hotels, the nicest thing you can do is give your inner circle a token of your love and appreciation. The cost tends to cha-ching up to about $50 to $75 per person, according to most brides and grooms, but of course you know best when it comes to these VIPs.

Tips
Some contracts may include gratuity and some may not. You may also be so blown away by a particular service that you feel the need to take out your wallet and add on digits to the final check you write. It’s not always necessary or contracted, but you may want to tip your photographer, videographer, hair stylist, make-up artist, wedding coordinator, transportation driver, bartenders, and servers.

Guests
Yes, you know that each guest costs a certain amount of money, but don’t forget that any little add-ons you make may also mean adding tables (which means adding centerpieces and linens) and chairs (which also means adding covers or rentals) and favors (which also means additional labels, ribbons, and wrapping) and escort cards (which also means more paper, labor, and ink). The list goes on. You get my drift. When you have your final guest list in order, stick to it and don’t start tweaking it because adding people actually multiplies your costs.

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Don’t forget to take a minute to enter you or your loved one into the ketubah giveaway on The Wedding Yentas with Ketubah Studio by MP Artworks! Photo submissions are being accepted right now through February 16th! Details here!

Remember those nights you spent on Illustrator designing your perfect wedding invitation? Remember the days off work you took to purchase your papers and embelishments and create prototypes? Remember the episodes of Grey’s Anatomy you half-watched while you assembled each and every element of your printed invitation into its coordinating lined envelope? Oh wait, who am I kidding, you would never only half-watch Grey’s. Okay, so shows your fiance watches that you couldn’t care less about? Probably more like that.

Point is, you spent a lot of time creating an invitation suite that would represent you as a couple and the style of wedding you are planning. Plus, your blood, sweat, and tears went into this expensive DIY project! Or, maybe you ordered them through a professional company and spent the bucks to mail out formal letterpress invitations to all 80 households.

So, what chutzpah to have a few dangling responders who’ve not yet sent in their reply a couple handfuls of days before the wedding! If you’re foaming at the mouth about this, it’s okay. You’re entitled and it’s safe to bet all Yentas would feel the same way.

It’s so simple: a household receives the invitation to your wedding. There’s an RSVP deadline. The household should send in their reply — yes or no — by the deadline. Done. Easy. No brainer. Unfortunately, you can’t expect everyone to be so considerate. So, what do you do when guests don’t RSVP to your wedding?

What you shouldn’t do is blast your frustration on Facebook. Passive aggressive never looks flattering on a bride. Stick to white and lace. Emailing seems like a good idea, but if the household was unable to reply with tangible, paper mail, it’s safe to bet that easy-to-forget and out-of-the-way electronic mail won’t make it through their eyes, out their fingers, and into your account. Also, IMs won’t do because many people leave their IM clients on even when they’re not at the computer and it’s possible they’ll miss it, so skip the GChat check-in with the absent RSVPer.

Go the old fashioned way: there was a time long, long ago when people used these things called — say it with me — “telephones” to — are you ready? — “speak.” Yes, they’d pick up a phone and dial a number and then both voices would communicate. I suggest this method.

So who calls? Whoever in your immediate family “owns” the dangling RSVP should make the call. If it’s your future father-in-law’s college sit-in buddy from back in the day when they worshipped Jerry with the rest of the Deadheads, have him call and find out what the status is (hopefully the status is not “still following The Dead.”). If it’s your sorority sister who has pregnancy brain and can’t seem to remember to even feed herself day to day, give her a ring. If it’s your mom’s mah jongg pal who’s busy organizing the temple’s upcoming tournament, then your mom should make the call. Bottomline: getting a reply will be much more effective if the TBD invitee hears from his or her connection to your wedding. Sometimes our parents invite people we don’t even know to our weddings and they might get the invitation in the mail and think “WHO’S marrying WHO????” And if, by chance, it’s one of your friends who is holding the RSVP card hostage (as if!), then you can call or ask your MOH to call. It’s very likely that you’ll be stressed about a zillion other things so close to the wedding date, and this is the kind of thing you can count on your MOH handling because she’s calm, dependable, and supportive — reasons why you picked her!

If anything, these calls can be a confirmation that 1) the guest even received the invitation; 2) the guest mailed it in, but maybe something went wrong?; 3) the guest is intending to come and with the invited people or person the invitation was addressed to. This helps clear the guest’s assumption that an invitation addressed to him doesn’t include his newest floozy of a fling, her daughter, and her daughter’s BFF. Unless, of course, you want all of them at your wedding… ahem. Whatever. No judging here…

Always make sure to check with your venue or catering company when they need a final headcount and calculate that date into your RSVP deadline. Make your deadline a week before that final headcount is due. That way, you have a buffer of time between when you need to know and OMG WHEN YOU NEED TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take comfort in knowing, though, that unless you’re getting married on the top of Mt. Everest, it’s very likely that your venue or caterer will be able to accommodate those who show up that day without an RSVP (I am not talking about wedding crashers/people you didn’t invite). They might bill you after the fact, but they usually have extra food on hand for this precise occurrence.

At the end of the day, it’s okay to be frustrated when your invited guests don’t take the 32 seconds to fill out the RSVP card and pay $0.00 to mail you back the response. But, just know that everything is fixable and once you get over the principle of it all, you really will enjoy the big day no matter who is there.

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Don’t forget to take a minute to enter you or your loved one into the ketubah giveaway on The Wedding Yentas with Ketubah Studio by MP Artworks! Photo submissions are being accepted right now through February 16th! Details here!