Category Archives: Planning

One Bride Thinks You Are Her Sugar Guesty

Posted on October 14, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas, Planning

Recently, an entertaining, if not horrifying, article went around that I posted on the Facebook page for The Wedding Yentas about a bride who saw dollar signs in the eyes of her guests.

Facebook participation was pretty much all the same from comments like “OMG – who raised this person???” to “So awful.” I think it’s safe to say that Yentas are smart gals.

The article kicked major tushie because one guest, a good, lifelong friend, finally called out the bride on her super crazy antics and I wanted to high-5 her through my computer screen. But a) that would totally ruin my monitor and b) that wouldn’t really help me. So instead, I thought I’d kick it up a notch and take to discussion here about guests and gifts.

The bride in the article basically made presumptuous remarks about receiving oodles of piles of cash in potential wedding cards and later makes a comment to insinuate that individuals should not attend festive events celebrating milestones (showers, weddings, etc.) unless they come with a gift.

So, yeah, go splash some cold water on your face and return when you’ve come back to reality.

OK, you’re back and no, you are not dreaming. Or having a nightmare. What you just read is true: this insane woman doesn’t want anyone at her wedding who can’t deliver the green. And that makes me green with nausea.

Look, my husband and I were super thankful for all of our generous guests who brought or sent gifts for our wedding. We received both checks and gifts from our registry and even a few pieces that were personally picked by them for us. Our goal for the wedding day was to celebrate with our favorite family and friends and surround ourselves in their love and support. Their good wishes were valuable; their gifts were nice. Not the other way around.

I know that fellow Yentas are as horrified as I am by this psychotic bride who clearly needs a walk down the aisle… of a mental institution.

If you’re part of the generation that’s currently making your way on the wedding circuit, you’ll know that it’s an expensive year! Gifting is a wonderful thing to do, but it’s really not required. However, it does feel wrong to attend such a milestone empty-handed. Even when I’ve gone to events that specifically said “No gifts please” on the invitation, I’ve broken the rules and still brought a gift because I just can’t arrive with only a hello and a hug. And most showers have the sole purpose of showering the guest of honor with presents relevant to the occasion. So it’s unlikely that we’ll come to an event without a present in tow. The friend who berated the bride in the article knew she couldn’t NOT gift, so she did her best to provide something that came from the heart without breaking her bank. That’s a very appropriate compromise.

So what if you’re tapped out in your wedding gift budget? It’s very simple. Do the best you can. Weddings can be expensive to begin with; sometimes there’s necessary hotel or travel, or there’s a babysitter involved, or you need to buy something new to wear. Then you have to toss a gift into the mix and you’re looking at a very light wallet. That’s a hard pill to swallow, but tell yourself that it’s really true: the thought DOES count! Choosing something that’s at a comfortable price point for you is what’s best for you; and if you choose something off the registry, then the couple still gets what they want and it’s a win-win.

Also, you can choose to purchase gifts from stores that offer savings opportunities. You can get a little more bang for your gift-giving buck. The couple should be glad to receive what they asked for on their registry or what you’ve personally selected for them and it won’t matter if you used a coupon or a promotion.

So as a guest, don’t stress about gifts. You’ll do what you can. And the support, love, and care you give to the couple will be priceless.

And if you’re getting married and you’re looking forward to the gifts, that’s OK! Gifts are fun! Be appreciative and gracious. It’s not about how stocked your cupboards are, but instead how full your heart is.

What’s your take on this article? Do you think the good friend did the right thing? What’s your opinion of the bride?

Shopping For Your Wedding Dress: Keep An Open Mind!

Posted on October 7, 2013 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning

Let’s face it. Your wedding dress is one of the centerpieces of your wedding day. It’s an expression of your personal style and wedding theme and something your guests can’t wait to see. Traditionally, we even keep it a secret from the groom so that when he sees you in it — gasp! — he melts with love for you all over again. So shopping for your wedding dress is not a chore to take lightly. It’s an experience and one you should enjoy. And even if you’re not the girly frou-frou type who’s dreamed of The Dress forever, there are ways you can get through checking off this wedding to-do without too many tears or breakdowns.

Choose your gown carefully. I know this sounds like a big, fat “duh” but don’t rush into making any decisions. This is a piece of clothing that will be in every wedding photo and perhaps will make it into the line of family heirlooms. With enough planning in advance and research time, you shouldn’t have to make any quick and dangerous decisions.

Consider the color of your dress. Try on different shades to match your skin tone and think about what kind of lighting your wedding day will have. Is the whole thing inside or outside? Are you marrying at night or during the afternoon? You may want to invest in color analysis to determine exactly what fabrics and colors will work with your complexion. Warm or cool undertones of your skin may actually look better with certain colors of dresses. You want to glow! You do not want to look washed out. Believe it or not, this makes a difference. And so many dress manufacturers have their own versions of the hundreds of shades of white. It’s something you probably never even considered. White is white, right? Wrong! There’s white, diamond white, cool white, antique white, ivory, and even a whole family of beiges and even pinks that still work as wedding dresses. Many dresses also come with complementing colors in accessories. It’s not uncommon to see silver or gold beading, sashes in turquoise, black, and pink, and even black and brown lace patterns or embroidery. Color yourself educated and do the research!

Many gowns today are blending rich fabrics with sheer simplicity. You will see just as many simple and understated dresses as you will big, pouffy, princess ballgowns. This also has to do with the fabrics that designers incorporate in their pieces. Organza, silk satin, crepe georgette, and silk peau de soie are weaving their way into wedding gowns. Prior to my own wedding dress shopping, I could probably name three kinds of clothing fabrics: broken-in denim, Spanx stuff, and sorority t-shirt. So when I entered the world of wedding threads, I had to educate myself on the different varieties of lace and know what raw silk meant. Texture determines the style and shape of a dress, so knowing the fabric that goes into a ballgown skirt versus the material used for a soft, flowing sheath dress will allow you to shop with the appropriate wedding dress goggles.

Know your body type! We’re all made differently and now is not the time to be experimenting with making a statement by not caring about how your hips look in your wedding dress. There are so many cuts and styles available that you absolutely will find a dress that fits your body. I don’t care if you insist your tushie looks like you ate a lifetime supply of fried potato latkes; it doesn’t matter if you’re self conscious about your arms that look like your bubbie’s, whose flap in the wind; there are no excuses if you’re freaking out about your belly that looks like it has enjoyed a diet of only muffin tops, even during Passover. It is OKAY. I’m telling you now that there is a dress for you! You just have to know what works on your body.

Try on a variety of styles and bring someone with you who will give you the brutal truth (isn’t that what Jewish mothers are for?). Now, I say “someone” — that does not mean your entire bridal party and your mother-in-law and six sisters-in-law. Too many opinions will drive you insane. Bring one or two. That’s it. And don’t force anything! No matter how beautiful the dress may be on the hanger, if it doesn’t work with your body style, cross it off and move on. You will find something similar in a cut that works with your frame. I was absolutely set on a dress that I’d gushed over in blogs and magazines. I swear, this dress spoke to me in my dreams, “Alison, come get meeeeee…” and it would absolutely be The Dress. I tracked down the dress, lost sleep due to my excitement to slip it on, and when I finally had my hands — and hips — in it, I was crushed. It looked okay until I realized that I’d have to chop half of it off due to my height and it would lose the detail. The model who wore the dress in the magazines — who could probably wear a potato sack and look totally hot — was about 5’10” with extremely long legs and thin features. I am five feet tall. Exactly. Maybe 5’2″ with my wedding shoes. The dress had pick-ups in the skirt and almost all of them would be cut off in alterations except for a few near the top who needs exaggeration near the tuchus?. Epiphany: short people like me generally cannot pull off pick-ups. And so ended my dresscapade.

So I suggest to you: try on what you like, assess, and redress! Move on. Find something new. You’ll learn so much about your personal style.

Too many pick-ups for a shorty like me! Keep in mind, I'm on a 6-inch platform and most of the pick-ups would have had to been cut off for my regular height, thus drawing more attention to areas that, ahem, don't need it.

Once you pick your dress, make sure you are comfortable with the alterations place and that the seamstress will get you the dress on time. Confirm dates and details for what you want (Adding buttons? Building in a bra? Including a zipper?) and make sure to bring the shoes you’ll be wearing to your fittings for a correct fit.

You will feel amazing in your wedding dress because, well, it’s your wedding dress!! Your girl squeal should be audible only to dogs and the smile on your face should never leave. And when it comes to your wedding night, you should never want to take it off! (Oh, but your groom’s so cute that you will!)

The Dress I ended up picking after several trips and tries!

Jewish Wedding Traditions Should Not Be Greek To Your Vendor Team

Posted on September 23, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas, Planning

The Wedding Yentas was one of the inaugural editors of Two Bright Lights. For non-industry folks, Two Bright Lights is a fabulous site that connects photographers and their works with many different kinds of blogs, allowing for quick and easy transfers of photos and info. In fact, over half the weddings published on this here little blog have been matches made by Two Bright Lights, so it’s a system I’ve been loving since Day 1.

On Two Bright Lights, there’s a little profile for The Wedding Yentas — it explains that it’s a wedding blog for Jewish and interfaith weddings and then also includes info about what’s required for submissions. It’s pretty simple, but it’s no secret that it’s a Jewish wedding blog.

I love getting new submissions and it’s so exciting to pour over a batch of photos, getting to know a couple through the photographer’s point of view. Once in a blue moon, I’ll get a submission that’s a tease — a beautiful wedding, great details, wonderful vendor info… but it’s not a Jewish wedding. The wedding is usually submitted to 50 other blogs and you can tell that the photographer took no time to personalize the submission, pretty much just clicking a bunch of boxes to see what sticks. These photographers are lazy jerks.

But then I just decline the submission, click “Not a fit” and “Submitted to too many publications” and hope they understand what they did and learn a lesson.

Last week, I received a submission from a photographer and like all the other times for the past three years, I opened it up, excited to see what I might be able to share with all of you!

It was tagged as a Jewish wedding and it was only submitted to The Wedding Yentas. This was a good sign.

I looked at the names of the couple. Hmm… not exactly a Silverstein or a Goldenberg, but OK, Judasim and its affiliations can cross over many cultures, right?

I waited for the photos to load and while my MacBook gave me Pinwheel shpilkes, I looked at my editorial calendar to see when I had an opening to publish this wedding. Two weeks. Perfect.

Finally, I worked my way into the album. Good looking couple. Brunette. Very elaborate details. Gorgeous dress. Beaming family of women surrounding the bride as she got ready.

Indoor ceremony. Big crowd sitting in… pews? Hmmm. OK, they must be in a synagogue but the photographer didn’t list it as a venue. Must remember to follow up in an email about that for proper credit.

The decor inside had a stained glass window like so many synagogues have and then my eye skimmed down to a wall of gold plated murals of — record screech — Jesus?

Lots of Jesus and Jesus-like figures. Lots of crosses. Lots of not-a-Jewish-wedding symbols.

The wedding officiant was definitely not wearing a yarmulke and his version of a tallit had even more crosses on it. This was no rabbi.

It was then that I recognized the setting from a fabulous and funny movie that starred Aidan Shaw when he wasn’t Aidan (and yes, I was Team Aidan and not Team Big. Sue me). And it was confirmed when I saw the beautiful wreaths draped over the bride and groom’s head — the Greek Orthodox crowning ceremony.

This was not a Jewish wedding. It was a beautiful wedding. It made me wish I was the publisher for a Greek wedding planning blog. It was a lot of things, but it was not a Jewish wedding.

But you know, ethnic rituals, big family, lots of celebrating… sure, why not intentionally submit to a Jewish wedding planning blog and even tag it as a Jewish wedding?

This is not OK.

And this is why I tell you: make sure your vendors — ESPECIALLY your photographer! — know you’re having a Jewish wedding. Or another kind of wedding. Or is clued into what you’re doing at your wedding if it includes any other wedding tradition than a kiss.

You are paying someone a lot of money to follow you throughout the day. This vendor will use you for marketing tools (which is fine) and will blog about you and put your face on social media pages. This vendor will spend time with you and get to know your likes, dislikes, quirks, and family (sometimes the former two can be redundant — ha ha). Do you really want to hire someone who isn’t even going to understand the values and traditions on which your marriage begins?

I don’t know if this photographer was trying to pull one over on me or if the photographer was actually just really ignorant about cultural differences among the many different wedding ceremonies that photographers have the privilege to document. I also feel badly for the couple, who was clearly not respected enough for the photographer to even know the uniqueness and traditions of their special day and their heritage that fueled it.

Most of us are required to practice cultural sensitivity in the workplace, whether it’s at school or a corporate environment. Shouldn’t it be the same for professionals in the wedding industry?

Luckily, this was the first time I’ve come across something like this in the life of The Wedding Yentas, so I suppose that track record is pretty good. But all it takes is one. So that’s why I beg all of you to not only get to know your vendors, but make sure your vendors get to know you! You deserve it.

What’s the Difference Between an Escort Card & a Place Card?

Posted on September 16, 2013 by Alison in Planning

Are you ready to have your mind blown?

Those little cards you pick up at the beginning of a wedding reception with your name on them that have a table number assigned? Yeah. What are they called?

{listening for your response}

You answered “place card” didn’t you?

Eeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh (that’s the “wrong” buzzer).

Those little cards that you pick up at the beginning of a wedding reception with your name on them that have a table number assigned are NOT called place cards. They are called escort cards. And you are now going to sound really freakin’ smart at the next wedding you attend. You’rewelcomeverymuch.

So what are place cards?

Place cards are not very common actually. Usually, only very formal or black tie events provide place cards and they literally dictate the place you will be sitting. The hosts have taken it upon themselves to place you at a seat at your assigned table. The place cards are set in advance to receive you as you find your assigned table.

You’ll do a little mosey around the table to find your name at a place setting. That’s your seat. All for you. Your own little piece of wedding reception real estate.

Easy way to remember: PLACE card puts you in your PLACE.

Alexan Events

Ann Hamilton Photography

Homemade Simple

And now that I’ve put you in your place, let me explain escort cards. Escort cards identify the table at which you’ll be sitting. The people frolic into your reception, all giddy and stoked about the glass you just broke and the mazels they just yelled. Then they pass a table with beautifully displayed cards or other items that say their names and table numbers. Then — this part is important — they pick up the card, read it, and walk away, taking it with them. Keyword: Walk away.

The card escorts them to their table. It’s almost as if the card is their friend and whispers in their ear, “Pssst! You! Yes, you! You are sitting at Table 6. It’s near the open bar. Score!”

And that’s how you remember escort cards: they escort you to your table.

Evoke Photography

Martha Stewart Weddings

Christa Kimble Photography

Some weddings may not assign any tables or seats to anyone. Free for all. Grab a seat at any table you like. These weddings will not have escort cards or place cards.

Most weddings will assign you a table. You’ll pick up your escort card, find your table, and choose a seat there.

The most formal weddings will assign you a table and a place card. After you find your table listed on your escort card, you’ll then find your place at the table that’s been preselected.

So next time you’re at a wedding, flex your knowledge and tell your friends, “Let’s go find our escort cards to see what table we’re sitting at!”

Except… your grammar-correcting friend is going to correct you, the wedding term-correcting friend, and say, “No. Let’s go find our escort card to see at which table we’ll be sitting.”

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Tales From The Veil: You’re Engaged? Mazel Tov! Now Take A Deep Breath.

Posted on September 9, 2013 by Alison in Planning, Tales from the Veil

I am a newly engaged woman! I have entered the ranks of ladies who have found their one and only, ladies who are committing themselves to one person and one person only, and yes, ladies who wear sparkly diamond rings on their left hand! It’s surreal!

When it became clear to me that my boyfriend – I mean FIANCE! – was the one and we started having discussions about making it official in the near future, I did what any normal, self-respecting future bride would do: got on the Internet and started doing research! I started scouring wedding blogs (including our dear Wedding Yentas), casually made mental notes at every wedding we attended, and of course, made my secret “I Do!” Pinterest board. I was ready! Bring on the rock!

My boyfriend – I mean FIANCE! #oy – proposed two weeks ago onstage at our regular monthly comedy show in front of 200 people (if you are so inclined, you are welcome to view the video here)! He loves the spotlight and I love being the center of attention so it was perfect. After the ring was safely on my finger and I had said “Yes!” it was time to start letting everyone know the good news. We started calling and texting people immediately, as I had known we would. And in came the “congrats!” and the “woo-hoos!” and the “mazel tovs!” We posted a picture of us up on Facebook and within 24 hours, it had more than 500 likes. #kindacrazy

For months, I had thought about and dreamed about how I would feel after we got engaged. Happy? Joyful? Over the moon excited? Of course! I love my boyfriend – FIANCE! #imtheworst – more than anything. He is truly the yin to my yang, the frosting to my cupcake, and the absolute best guy I know. The fact that I get to marry him and have him as my husband for the rest of my life fills me with happiness.

But here’s what I wasn’t prepared for. I wasn’t prepared for the massive feeling of “overwhelmed-ness” that settled in a couple of days later. The phone calls kept coming! The emails poured in! Everyone was asking if we had chosen a date yet – and we hadn’t even been engaged for 28 hours! Cue the anxiety…

I’m a girl who loves hosting get-togethers and parties and grew up in a home where I refer to my mama as “Martha Jew-art” because of her amazing abilities as a hostess, but I knew nothing – nothing! – about throwing a wedding. The thought and preparation and attention to detail that go into planning a wedding are extraordinary, and I didn’t even know where to begin. For someone like me who prides herself on her planning abilities and lives and breathes by her day planner, this feeling was disconcerting and quite frankly, uncomfortable. I had a crazy, goody, huge smile plastered on my face, but inside my thoughts were swirling like a crazy person.

And then, I happened to bump into a friend and former colleague in the elevator at work. She squealed, I squealed, we hugged, she grabbed my finger and oohed and ahhed over the ring. And then she said something that instantly made me feel better:

“You doing okay? Two days after I got engaged I had a massive panic attack. It’s totally normal.”

I can’t even begin to tell you all the feeling of relief that coursed through my body. None of the blogs mention this. No wedding magazine covers it. I had been feeling like I was the only one who ever felt this way!

After work that day I went home and kissed my FIANCE – there, I did it! – and we snuggled on the couch. We ordered in dinner from our favorite takeout place and watched a rerun on the Food Network. I felt better not only knowing that I wasn’t alone in my nervousness, but also just better knowing that no matter what, I had my partner by my side. Anxiety about picking a date? Trouble finding the perfect venue? We are going to get through it and we’re going to do it together.

So my advice to brides-to-be – though I have only been engaged for two weeks and therefore have no real business doling out tips – is to take a deep breath. The phone calls and the emails and the texts might seem overwhelming, but it’s because you and your fiancée are loved beyond measure. The thought of planning a wedding celebration might be daunting, but it’s the best kind of hard work. And no matter what, as long as the two of you have each other, everything is going to be fine.

No… I take it back.

Everything is not going to be fine. Everything is going to be amazing.

**************************************************

Jordan Silverman is a newly engaged bride-to-be who works in nonprofit marketing & communications by day and blogs at Queen of LA by night. A native of Los Angeles and a proud Arizona Wildcat for life, Jordan has always loved to write and host fun events, so it goes without saying that she is very excited for wedding planning! Jordan lives with her fiancee, Rami, in Brentwood, California. When they are not watching reruns of Diners, Drive-Ins, & Dives, attending alt-comedy shows, cooking, traveling, or watching movies, they’re dreaming about their future purchase of a French bulldog puppy.

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