Category Archives: Planning

Top 5 Reasons You Should Have A Web Site For Your Jewish Wedding

Posted on July 15, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas, Inside Scoop, Planning

When Motel the Tailor and Tzeitel got married in Fiddler on the Roof, they didn’t have a website. After they tied the knot, they revealed their pride and joy, Motel’s new sewing machine, and while that sewing machine was pretty snazzy for 19th century Old Country, the sewing machine was their only piece of technology and it did nothing for their own piece of real estate on the web. That’s probably because there was no web except for the ones built by spiders, but I digress. I wouldn’t want a sewing machine to make clothes anyway. Hel-lo? That’s what Nordstrom and Bloomies is for!

So, here’s what I say: don’t act like you’re a babushka-wearing, cow-milking, old school, nice Jewish girl. Welcome to the 2000s. You’re a modern, mainstream bride! Create a wedding website. Why? Here are the top 5 reasons!

1. Learn About The Couple!
It’s unlikely that 100% of your guests will know each of you intimately. Here’s your big chance to share who you are and other obvious reasons why you love one another. The more details, the better! I personally enjoy reading about the bride and groom (or the bride and bride or groom and groom — whatever!) and like when details about their background and current lives are included in the write ups. If your Uncle Murray hasn’t seen you since you tap danced in the talent show at the Catskills family reunion and he’s never met your fiance, here’s where he can make up for lost time before attending your wedding.

2. Registry Information
You’re going to get presents for your wedding and it doesn’t suck. For those who decide not to cut a check, you’ll receive something tangible, but if you’re taking the time to register, you may as well make sure people know about the coveted list. Your website is the perfect place to house this precious information as it automatically links to the stores’ sites and your registry. Two clicks and your Internet savvy friends and family are on their way to gifting your gravy boat. Groovy. Where does registry information NOT go? Your wedding invitation! It’s a no-no. And since your registry information should be included on your wedding website, the wedding website should not be on the formal invitation. I know, I know, here I am preaching the registry gospel, and I’m telling you to leave it off the formal invitation. It can be on shower invites, save the dates, and even rehearsal dinner mailers. And if you must include the website in the formal invitation suite, put it on a separate card, but never on the actual invitation with the “Mr. & Mrs. So and So invite you to the marriage of their daughter” yada yada part. It’s considered pandering for presents. Otherwise, go nuts posting your wedding URL on all other methods of communication. And enjoy your registered gifts!

3. Personalize Your Style
Many wedding websites come with options to customize the artwork and format in which details are displayed. This is a great opportunity to give a clue about the style or theme of your wedding. Other than the formal invitation or save the date, there are really no other pieces that wedding guests see to clue them into what your wedding might be like. A formal black tie wedding might have a clean and elegant website design. Likewise, a rustic, vintage, shabby chic event might be a little more casual and flowery online. Here’s one more place you can tie in your colors, style, and personal touches like a logo or quote.

4. Talk Up Your Wedding Party
You didn’t rent bridesmaids and groomsmen, right? They are people that you actually know and even like, correct? So gush about them! Include a list of your wedding party and maybe even write up a blurb about them. Go the extra mile and include photos. They’re the supporting players in your big debut as husband and wife, so make sure they have a little time in the spotlight. Plus, they’ll be VIP the day of the wedding and your guests might want to know a little about the people who make you happy and keep you from going meshuga.

5. Details Of Your Big Day
Just in case your disorganized pals lose your $4.00 invitation (grrrr), they can at least get the must-know details of your wedding day online from anywhere. Make sure to include your date, location or locations (if there are separate venues for ceremony and reception places), time of ceremony (usually the time on the invitation should be about 30 minutes before the actual walk-down-the-aisle-it’s-go-time-there’s-no-turning-back-now time), and dress preferences like black tie or resort wear. Your out-of-towners will especially appreciate hotel information and if there are room blocks you’ve set up for them. The details of such accommodations should be included on the website. Your guests will thank you for making it less stressful to attend your wedding. I mean, travel these days is so annoying. Aunt Marilyn will be too busy worrying about condensing her Jean Nate body splash in a 3 ounce bottle in her carry on. Don’t make her start kvetching about how she doesn’t know if there’s a group rate at the Marriott. All of these details are a must. Additional details like local airports, transportation options, popular destinations and things to do are great additions to your wedding website.

Do a quick Internet search to find out about wedding websites. There are many free resources available (6. another reason to create one: it’s usually freeeee!) and The Wedding Yentas loves the many great sites on MyWedding. There’s even an option for designs inspired by your favorite Jewish wedding planning website (ahem!) so, ya know, you might want to check that out.

Have fun with your website and enjoy your own little piece of property on the web!

How To Handle Your Mother-in-Law

Posted on June 26, 2013 by Alison in From the Expert, Inside Scoop, Planning

I am lucky to be married to a man who comes from a great family. My own mother-in-law is a good mom and friend to me as well, so this article is not a reflection of my own personal life (ya hear that, Ellen?!). However, brides have emailed The Wedding Yentas with concern about the family dynamic they are entering. In order to alleviate trouble and empower couples, Boston-area licensed therapist, Mimi Licht, contributes her expertise on the age-old relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The advice she offers is for brides who feel their man’s mothers are out of control and a burden in their marital relationship.

Michelle came to see me crying, “My mother-in-law is my problem. She has no boundaries.” If you have a MIL who likes to drop by without warning, expects to see you every Sunday for dinner, or has taken charge with planning your wedding, you are not alone. You also need to realize that she’s not going away. When you say “I do” to your beloved, your MIL is an integral part of the deal. You can wish all you want for her to leave you alone, but wishes will not change her intrusive personality. Michelle has tried to politely let her MIL know that after a full day of work she would like private time with her husband, but is often ignored and MIL drops by anyway. Michelle is plagued with angst, worrying about how to convey her misery to her husband and how to let MIL know how she feels without being disrespectful or rude.

Where is the man in these situations? After all, it’s his mother! That is the primary issue. If his life-long strategy is to either avoid or ignore his mother’s domineering ways as a means of survival then don’t expect him to rush to the rescue to back you up. His tactics are probably so ingrained that he is completely unaware of what comes naturally to him at age 30.

In Michelle’s case, she needs to feel like her guy is a trustworthy teammate. Becoming a successful couple means knowing that your guy has your back when dealing with his mother. He will need to face the fact that avoiding her will create heartache and frustration between the two of you. If you are in this situation you must find a way to join together to develop a powerful strategy. The mother-in-law is not going to change her ways unless boundaries are clearly drawn. You and your guy need to assert your needs for privacy, involvement, and criticism. This is not an easy task. Some sons need all the help they can get to feel empowered. Motivation to confront this sensitive matter will come from their wish to have a happier bride. Couples counseling can enable him to see when his head is in the sand regarding his mom and that together you can take control of the situation.

I work with couples, suggesting that they compile a short list of priorities relating to mom. Then we develop a plan with the goal of concrete, lasting change in family dynamics. The list is usually topped off with, “No unexpected visits!” Role-play in these sessions sets the stage for possible scenarios. Together, we anticipate probable reactions from the MIL and prepare responses. I encourage couples to take plenty of time rehearsing until they are confident about standing up to a formidable opponent. Change of this kind is an ongoing process. Couples keep from getting discouraged when I predict that often it is one step forward and a half step back before change is solidified. In the end, sons realize that asserting themselves feels right and their mothers will survive as they grow into stronger men. My female clients have been relieved to find that their partners could be counted on to embrace a united front, effectively handling mom as they develop their own personal routines which will form the foundation for their new marriage.

in-session:-mother-in-law-management

Mimi Licht, LICSW, BCD founded Wisely Wed as a special place for engaged couples to freely share their hopes and fears about getting married. Mimi believes that couples owe it to themselves to spend time nurturing the emotional side of their new marital partnership. Her Brookline office, located in a lively urban neighborhood, brings back warm memories of her Brooklyn roots! She also has fun sharing a love of plants with her husband, Jeff, at their home-based nursery and hiking at Acadia National Park. Mimi is excited that her daughter is now guiding inner city youth toward discovery of outdoor adventure. You can reach Mimi at www.wiselywed.com, 344 Harvard Street, Suite 2, Brookline, MA 02446, (508)358-5706.

How To Not Stress About Your Wedding

Posted on June 24, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas, Planning

I know how stressful wedding planning can be! So many decisions to make! So many family members to please! So much worry about weight and skin and hair color! The year of the wedding is an important one, and you want to do everything you can to make sure that the final product — the big day! — is perfect. I don’t blame you one bit, and you should do whatever you can to make sure that it all goes down without a hitch.

But putting that much focus on wedding planning — or anything that big and important — can really stress a sista out. I’m currently in the middle of a move to a new home so I should probably take my own advice below. These are things you already know, but need a gentle kick on the tushie to remind you, so without further delay, I present “How To Not Stress About Your Wedding.”

Exercise. Blech. I know. Sweat ruins the Jew-fro. But still, it’s important. I guess you could always do things that count as exercise, but don’t feel like exercise. Like, you could play team sports with your friends! Or lay out by the pool to get a tan and then go swimming to cool off. Just do fun exercise so that your mind is off the wedding. Not to get all sciencey, but apparently, you release endorphins when you exercise and endorphins help make you feel all peace-love-and-happiness and stuff. To quote Elle Woods, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.” I guess this quote is also applicable to marriage which is appropriate for a wedding planning blog. So, to sum it up: you should exercise so that you don’t freak out about your wedding and so that you don’t go to jail. Ta da!
Breathe. You do it anyway without even trying so you may as well make it meaningful if you’re stressed. Take deep breaths. Count backwards from 10. Relax your mind. Sometimes those brief moments help give you some clarity. When I’m ready to throw down or I begin to fantasize about punching people in the face, I count. Usually I feel better after that. If not, then I play Candy Crush in order to run away from my problems because sometimes being immature is easier.
Music. Blast it. Sing it. Play it. Music therapy works! Why do you think there were so many Jewish composers? They were worrying all the time about this and that and then they wrote brilliant tunes. I mean, Irving Berlin, a nice Jewish boy, writes “White Christmas,” the most un-Hanukkah-like holiday hit? I’m telling you. Music does wonders.
Go online. Read about other peoples’ problems. There’s nothing like a little schadenfreude to keep your mind in check. So many other people have it worse. If you’re not into reading about strangers’ depressing issues, you can always search for the happy. Look into jokes or feel-good stories or pictures of puppies canoodling with babies. Waste away on the Internet to find solutions to your problems or go the opposite direction and take some time to ignore them. Use the content that’s available at your fingertips to recharge your brain so you can come away with a better grasp on your situation.
Wine. Chocolate. Enough said.
Spa day! There’s nothing like the quiet room, a cozy robe, soft-talking therapists, and a massage. Make that Me-time happen for you! Go get a treatment that puts you at ease. A massage and a pedicure are my two favorites. Think about what you’d love most right now to pamper yourself and give yourself permission to enjoy. You deserve it!
Be with your favorite person. Make a spontaneous getaway with the lucky person who gets to marry you! Escape from reality for a bit and relish in the joy that is you two. It’s important to put into perspective why you’re getting married and that the other nonsense matters much less than the love you’re professing on that one day. If you can’t do a real vacation where you turn off wedding talk for an extended period of time, go out and have a date night. Or cuddle on the couch. Don’t talk about the wedding. Don’t go on Pinterest. Don’t even read The Wedding Yentas {I know, how are you going to cope?!}. Just be with your love and boycott the wedding so you can refocus when it’s time to hit the pavement again.

Good luck! Everything’s going to be OK!

8 Reasons Why A Small Wedding Is A Good Idea

Posted on June 20, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas, Inside Scoop, Planning

Small weddings. There’s something so romantic and special about being part of an event that has an exclusive guestlist and all focus on the bride and groom. Whether it’s for economical reasons or for destination wedding desires, intimate nuptials are big in popularity. Why?

The most special day you’ll experience with your partner will be spent among only your nearest and dearest! Whittling down your people means you have fewer guests who are extraneous or friends of relatives you hardly know. It’s all about the quality instead of the quantity!
Ahh… you can breathe! Fewer people means less pressure. Because of the small amount of guests, your wedding day jitters will likely shrink down to little to none. This is because you won’t have seemingly-foreign eyes on you. Among your closest friends and favorite family, you should feel much more relaxed. No dog and pony show for your VIPs. Just party on in a fancy dress! Om to that!
Cha-ching! You’re saving money, friends! Who doesn’t like that? Fewer people means fewer homes to send invitations (which means fewer postage stamps); Fewer tables means fewer centerpieces or printed menus at each place setting; Fewer people means fewer favors and that means fewer labels with your logo to stick on such favors. See where I’m going with this? It’s not just saving on the catering bill. It’s saving on every element that would normally be attached to a guest.
Go big! If you’re on a budget, I would strongly advise you don’t cut corners and, rather, you cut people. You can still have a high-end, beautiful wedding supported by top-notch vendors if you declutter your guestlist. Want to splurge on your dream photographer? Want to indulge in a gourmet meal that stands out from your usual banquet chicken-and-‘tatoes grub? You can when you don’t have to pay for so many people!
With a smaller wedding, you have more choices in selecting a venue. Since you won’t need to accommodate a large amount of people in a space, you could get married in some really unique and cool locations. Art galleries, boutique restaurants, university libraries… you can have a more personal experience in a unique location.
You can actually schmooze with your guests! You are inviting all your favorite people, right? So that means you can actually talk to them! It’s always so sad when the bride and groom miss out on face time with the people who’ve come to celebrate them. I know I missed out on seeing some people at my 162-person wedding and I STILL feel guilty about it! The day goes by fast, no matter how many people you invite. Big wedding, small wedding — the day flies by. You’ll want to be able to steal a hug from the people you love and if you have a smaller guest list, you’ll be able to get as many squeezes as you’d like!
People will remember your wedding! Because it won’t follow the cookie-cutter format that most large weddings employ, your guests will recall it was a unique day, representative of you as a couple! For people who get around the seasonal wedding circuit, weddings can become fairly assembly line-like and very predictable. That’s not necessarily a bad thing — chocolate cake is pretty predictable and it’s delicious every time — but it is nice to stand out and make a mark, especially on a day that’s yours.
Save some money for later! If you’re contributing to your own wedding, either fully or partially, you already know that you’re spending on one amazing day. But it really is one day. One. Ouch. That’s a lot of cash to spend on 1/365th of a year. If cash is tight — and these days, it’s likely everyone’s holding their wallets a little more tightly — you’ll want to save on your wedding with an intimate guestlist so that you have more funds for your honeymoon, a house, or a rainy day.

Weddings of all shapes and sizes are truly special in their own way, but if you’re on the fence about whether to have a large wedding or a smaller sized event, hopefully this list helped make your decision a little easier. A small wedding can still have a big heart, and when it’s all over, it’s all about the two most important guests of honor: you and your b’shert!

Elizabeth Zuluaga Photography

Get the Low Down on Short Wedding Dresses

Posted on June 19, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas, Planning

A wedding dress above the ankles is nothing short on style. In fact, short wedding dresses can be just as fashionable — if not more! — than your more formal, long dress. There’s a time and a place for a short wedding dress and if the rest of your wedding day style can swing it, I say go big — well, short — or go home!

I am so inspired by my fellow Yentas who have featured weddings on the site. Remember Marissa who looked super chic and sophisticated in her to-the-knee white cocktail dress from Sak’s? I think we could all take a page from her stylish book!

If you’re having an intimate wedding, an artsy wedding, a beachy wedding, a courthouse wedding, or a destination wedding, a short dress may just be for you! And maybe you have killer legs or you just do not want that big pouffy dress. I found that GCGMe has the best high quality dresses. That is a-okay in my eyes! Short wedding dresses can still make a statement with fabulous style and current trends.

You can still keep Jewish traditions alive with a short wedding dress. If you need your shoulders covered, there are some great boleros or cardigans that would add even more style to the entire look. And if you plan to wear a veil, there is no better way to go with a birdcage! So if you’re on spilkes that you have to wear a traditional wedding gown in order to keep your vows kosher under the chuppah, you can still have a Jewish wedding and stay true to your style and what you love.

The long and short of it is: you can totally pull of the short wedding dress!

And now we’ve reached the portion of this post where we get to stare at photos. Because, really, who doesn’t like to stare at photos of pretty dresses?

Kate Spade New York 'Gimlet' Silk Sheath Dress from Nordstrom

Robert Rodriguez Black Label Daniela Bead-Top Dress from Neiman Marcus

Albury Gown by Watters

Sue Wong Organza Petal Sheath Dress from Nordstrom

8154 by Watters

Lela Rose Brocade Sheath Dress from Neiman Marcus