What Does A Maid of Honor Do?

It’s Purim so naturally it’s the appropriate time to talk about your wedding.

[[record scratch. Whaaaat?]]

Go with me. I promise this makes sense.

Okay, so long story short, Purim is the holiday where we celebrate and read the Book of Esther and remember that she stood up to Haman (Boooo! Hisssss!) who hated the Jews and wanted them to go bye bye (Dear Jewish Enemies, We’ve heard this story before. Though small, we’re strong and powerful, so please go away. Kthanxbye. Love, The Wedding Yentas). Esther foiled Haman’s (Boooo! Hissss!) plot to exterminate the Jews by telling the king that he was, well, a jerk. The king was unimpressed with Haman’s (Boooo! Hissss!) plan and, well, the dude got what he deserved: a little trip to the gallows. Now who went bye bye? Good job, Esther! From that pretty punim, we now have Purim!

So, Esther saved the day! And a few thousand years, too. And she’s known as the Jewish people’s ultimate heroine. I mean, who doesn’t want to be Esther in the Hebrew school Purim play? You get to wear a pretty dress and save the Jews.

Hmmm… pretty dress and save the day. Who does this describe in your wedding party?

Your maid of honor!

A maid of honor should resemble the same qualities as Esther: strong, determined, creative, and thoughtful. Most of all, your MOH should have your back, just like Esther had, well, an entire group of peoples’ backs!

Not sure who your own personal Esther should be? Unclear about the duties of an MOH? Read on and give great thought to choosing your heroine for the day.

Your MOH will…

• Lead the bridesmaid brigade! It’s the MOH’s job to communicate with the rest of the bridesmaids any issues regarding shower planning, bachelorette partying, dress shopping and selection, and dress fittings. Your MOH should also communicate the wedding weekend’s events to the gang to make sure everyone is looped in on rehearsal dinner, rehearsal, getting ready, and photo festivities.
• Pay for their own bridesmaid ensemble. MOHs can expect to dish out some cash for a dress and shoes.
• Assist the bride in some prewedding tasks that require help. Whether it’s assembling invitations, helping choose wedding colors, or smiling and nodding about the details of each flavored tier of the wedding cake, the MOH is the first sounding board (other than the groom maybe) that the bride may consult.
• Make sure that everyone knows where the nearlyweds are registered! Registry information should never be on the formal invitation, but it’s up to the MOH to let people know where the couple has desired gifts registered. Methods of doing this: wedding shower invitations, web sites, rehearsal dinner invites, and answering when people inquire.
• Handle the gown when the wedding is over. Chances are, the bride is not going to need to take her wedding gown with her on her honeymoon (although, it’s tempting. It’s so hard to leave THAT DRESS). So, the MOH should arrange with the bride where the dress will go when the night is over and handle it for her.
• Play secretary! At showers, the MOH should record the gifts from each guest as the bride opens them. That way, she has a cohesive list for thank you notes. If the MOH can’t accomplish this task for whatever reason, she should make sure that someone is appointed to this task.
• Hold onto the groom’s ring during the ceremony. Big job! No pressure! One place to hold it safely is actually on the MOHs thumb. Most likely, it’ll fit and stay in place and then it’s handy (haha, no pun intended) for the ring exchange.
• Pretty up the bride! The MOH makes sure the bride’s dress lays nicely and that the train is arranged properly when she reaches the chuppah at the beginning of the ceremony. Also, the MOH should know how to bustle the bride’s dress so that she can dance during the reception.
• Hold the bouquet during the ceremony. The bride will need her hands free at certain points of the ceremony so the MOH, who stands next to the bride, should hold her own bouquet and the bride’s until the final “mazel tov!” At that point, the MOH should make sure to hand the bouquet back! No bride should walk back down that aisle with naked hands!
• Take care of the bride — she’ll be a little scatter brained. So, the MOH should make sure that the bride has something to eat throughout the day like light snacks that won’t stain any clothes or mess up makeup. It’s also a good idea for the MOH to have the bride’s lipstick or lip gloss on hand so she can help with touch ups throughout the reception.
• Be the belle of the ball… besides the bride. If there’s a dance that calls for the bridal party to dance together, the MOH will usually dance with the Best Man. So, um, make sure they like each other enough… or know each other.
• Toast the couple! Usually, the Best Man and the MOH make a toast to the couple. Stay tuned for an upcoming post about toasting etiquette. But, bottomline, it should not be terribly long and the toast should include the bride and the groom and not be a roast of the bride. Save that for the bachelorette party!
• Play therapist. There are a lot of emotions that run through a woman on her wedding day. So, the MOH must have a listening ear and be a positive crutch for the bride. Laughter, comfort, and a calming presence are perfect qualities for an MOH to embody.

So, as you can see, the MOH really is the bride’s hero, her Queen Esther, on her wedding day. Choose wisely! And enjoy this ride with your very best friend. It’s an honor and an adventure and the whole megillah.