The Wedding Yentas are happy to have Brian Becker guest-blog today! Brian, who is not Jewish and more of a practicing Nothingish, has been the Best Man in a Jewish wedding and brings his expert opinion to the Yentas family of readers. Here he explains what every Jewish bride and groom should tell their non-Jewish wedding party.
I am not a Jewish Bride. I’m not even Jewish. But having been the Best Man, I do have an important piece of advice for anyone getting ready to tie the knot – a little list I like to call “Things to Tell Your Gentile Groomsmen.”
Look, men are already at a disadvantage because…well…we don’t know about weddings. And unlike bridesmaids who are let in on every little detail, for the most part, nobody tells us anything. So imagine how confusing it can be to be the goyim in the wedding party when the more traditional customs start to unfold. For example…
Yarmulkes. We’ve probably never worn one. In fact, I just had to look up how to spell it. On top of that, we’re expected to fasten it with another foreign piece of hardware: a bobby pin. In my case, the groomsmen did such an abysmal job that the bridesmaids had to do emergency readjustments just seconds before we escorted them down the aisle. So please, do everyone a favor and offer a little kippah 101 in advance.
Rings. As the Best Man, I was the nearest person with pockets at any given moment. That meant that I was constantly being handed more things to carry. In fact, I ended up carrying three ring boxes (one for the groom, one for the bride and one plain, unornamented ring for the bride to use during the ceremony). Add to that other last-minute cargo like vows and tissues, and the groomsmen can start to feel like we’re wearing saddle bags. Do your best to think through who will schlep around your wedding day accessories – and give that person a heads up!
The Hora. Think for a second what it must be like to witness a giant whirlpool form on the dance floor just moments before someone grabs your hand and pulls you into the vortex. Speaking for the “non-chosen people,” we do not see that one coming. What’s more, we’re expected to hoist the groom up on a chair and carry him around for several minutes. This is a great moment, and a lot of fun. Just make sure you prep your bridal party that some heavy lifting may be required.
The Ceremony. If you’re incorporating Jewish traditions into your wedding, it’s a nice idea to explain them in advance. Otherwise, while you’re circling your husband seven times, your groomsmen may be scratching their heads. If you fill the bridal party in on the significance of the customs featured in your ceremony, they’ll be able to share the moment with the rest of your guests, instead of wondering what’s going on.
Take it from a Jewish wedding survivor: A little orientation can go a long way. Make a point to share some your wedding customs with the gentile-men in your bridal party, and you’ll help ensure that every one is relaxed and happy on your special day. Good luck…and l’chaim!
Brian Becker is a freelance writer and editor, and most importantly, a Best Man extraordinaire. He lives in the Los Angeles area and enjoys a good Captain and Coke, an Aaron Sorkin flick, and a round of trivia.
