While at dinner with friends who are just two weeks away from their wedding, we were talking about the final details of their ceremony and they couldn’t decide on the ritual of circling.
In case you’re not in the inner circle and you’re confused, the casual and informal term of “circling” refers to the tradition of the bride literally walking in circles around the groom during the chuppah ceremony.
Sandor Welsh Photography
Some do it. Some don’t. Some do a variation on the circling.
Still deciding what you want to do? Maybe a little more info will help shape your decision on circling. It’s an Ashkenazi tradition and has been interpreted the bride creating seven or three circles around the groom. Seven is usually considered to be more traditional. As with most concepts in Jewish religion and culture, there are many reasons and symbols for this tradition. I imagine a bunch of really smart rabbis sitting around a table filled with lox and bagels and caawww-fee all discussing the traditions and trying to agree on one explanation and then finally one stands up, bangs his fist on the table, and says “Fah-get about it! Let ’em pick! They all sound good, yes? Of course yes!” and then it’s up to the people. So, here we are, with a few different explanations, open to interpretation depending on your movement and level of observance.
So, the reason for the circles? In the book of Jeremiah, it is said that “a woman encompasses a man.” Therefore, she literally encompasses him, physically, by walking in a circular border around him.
Another explanation is that by circling her groom a number of times, a bride creates a sort of invisible wall to make a sacred space for them in the chuppah.
Also, numbers play a big part in Jewish traditions, and seven happens to be a biggie. Seven is the number of days of creation and, in theory, the couple is creating a new world together. Also, the phrase “a man takes a wife” is mentioned seven times in the Torah. Another one I’ve heard is that Joshua circled the walls of Jericho seven times to take it down, and, therefore, by the bride circling her groom, she is taking down any walls between them.
Three circles are considered to be a more reform practice. And again, it’s a numbers thing. God says “I will betrothe thee unto me” three times in reference to himself and Israel. So some couples decide three circles are enough and like the derivation of that number.
Then, there’s what more modern couples are doing: they’ll take turns circling the other an even amount of tmes — so either 3 or 1 each, and then circle each other at the same time for the final round. This is seen as more equitable practice since modern couples treat their marriage, and therefore the chuppah ceremony, as an equal partnership. That is, it’s not just the bride making the groom her world, but the groom making the bride his world as well.
Talk to your rabbi, cantor, or officiant about the option that would be best for you two and your system of beliefs. You may even choose to skip it altogether. But if you do end up circling, some tips: hold your bouquet with one hand and your dress’s skirt with the other to avoid tripping; Don’t look down the whole time because your face won’t be as available for photographs, so alternate between looking straight ahead at your partner and then at the ground; when you’re finished, make sure your maid of honor re-fluffs your dress once you’re settled in position.
No matter what you choose, your ceremony should be a reflection of your love and values. It’s less about the circles and more about your hearts!
