The Wedding Yentas™ | A Guide for the Jewish Bride!™

Green & Blue Styled Shoot

Posted on July 8, 2013 by Alison in Styled Shoot

This styled shoot is the brainchild of Maribel Kalata of EightTreeStreet Floral Design. The theme is a 1940’s post-Depression style Summer Floral/ Farm Wedding, with lots of lace, and repurposed farm accessories. The venue, Riverside on the Potomac an historic farm (circa 1790), has a beautiful antique car of that era, and made a wonderful backdrop.

Photographer: P Square Studios
Florals & Design by Maribel Kalata: EightTreeStreet Modern Wreaths & Florals
Venue: Riverside on the Potomac
Wedding Dress: Marie Crawford Bridal
Stationery: Wedding Girl
Hair: Salon Ayanna

{Real Jewish Weddings} Atlanta, GA

Posted on July 1, 2013 by Alison in Real Jewish Weddings

It’s so special to meet your b’shert through a friend’s introduction, and Mary Catherine and Ben’s is a story of another match that worked!

They simply enjoy spending time together and enjoying the simple things in life. As Ben said, “Mary Catherine likes cooking and I like eating her cooking”.

Mary Catherine and Ben were married at the Mason Murer of Fine Art. Their ceremony was around the corner from the reception. The setting was unique because it was surrounded by unique pieces of photographs and paintings. The backdrop of their entire reception was in front of their favorite piece of art in the entire museum: the giant painting of the horse.

It was such a beautiful wedding day as Mary Catherine and Ben were joined by friends and family who traveled from near and far. Their wedding day was a masterpiece and these two are quite the artists of love!

Mazel tov, Mary Catherine and Ben!

Photographer: Tessa Marie Weddings
Caterer: Affairs to Remember
Floral Designer: Boukates

Submitted via Two Bright Lights

How To Handle Your Mother-in-Law

Posted on June 26, 2013 by Alison in From the Expert, Inside Scoop, Planning

I am lucky to be married to a man who comes from a great family. My own mother-in-law is a good mom and friend to me as well, so this article is not a reflection of my own personal life (ya hear that, Ellen?!). However, brides have emailed The Wedding Yentas with concern about the family dynamic they are entering. In order to alleviate trouble and empower couples, Boston-area licensed therapist, Mimi Licht, contributes her expertise on the age-old relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The advice she offers is for brides who feel their man’s mothers are out of control and a burden in their marital relationship.

Michelle came to see me crying, “My mother-in-law is my problem. She has no boundaries.” If you have a MIL who likes to drop by without warning, expects to see you every Sunday for dinner, or has taken charge with planning your wedding, you are not alone. You also need to realize that she’s not going away. When you say “I do” to your beloved, your MIL is an integral part of the deal. You can wish all you want for her to leave you alone, but wishes will not change her intrusive personality. Michelle has tried to politely let her MIL know that after a full day of work she would like private time with her husband, but is often ignored and MIL drops by anyway. Michelle is plagued with angst, worrying about how to convey her misery to her husband and how to let MIL know how she feels without being disrespectful or rude.

Where is the man in these situations? After all, it’s his mother! That is the primary issue. If his life-long strategy is to either avoid or ignore his mother’s domineering ways as a means of survival then don’t expect him to rush to the rescue to back you up. His tactics are probably so ingrained that he is completely unaware of what comes naturally to him at age 30.

In Michelle’s case, she needs to feel like her guy is a trustworthy teammate. Becoming a successful couple means knowing that your guy has your back when dealing with his mother. He will need to face the fact that avoiding her will create heartache and frustration between the two of you. If you are in this situation you must find a way to join together to develop a powerful strategy. The mother-in-law is not going to change her ways unless boundaries are clearly drawn. You and your guy need to assert your needs for privacy, involvement, and criticism. This is not an easy task. Some sons need all the help they can get to feel empowered. Motivation to confront this sensitive matter will come from their wish to have a happier bride. Couples counseling can enable him to see when his head is in the sand regarding his mom and that together you can take control of the situation.

I work with couples, suggesting that they compile a short list of priorities relating to mom. Then we develop a plan with the goal of concrete, lasting change in family dynamics. The list is usually topped off with, “No unexpected visits!” Role-play in these sessions sets the stage for possible scenarios. Together, we anticipate probable reactions from the MIL and prepare responses. I encourage couples to take plenty of time rehearsing until they are confident about standing up to a formidable opponent. Change of this kind is an ongoing process. Couples keep from getting discouraged when I predict that often it is one step forward and a half step back before change is solidified. In the end, sons realize that asserting themselves feels right and their mothers will survive as they grow into stronger men. My female clients have been relieved to find that their partners could be counted on to embrace a united front, effectively handling mom as they develop their own personal routines which will form the foundation for their new marriage.

in-session:-mother-in-law-management

Mimi Licht, LICSW, BCD founded Wisely Wed as a special place for engaged couples to freely share their hopes and fears about getting married. Mimi believes that couples owe it to themselves to spend time nurturing the emotional side of their new marital partnership. Her Brookline office, located in a lively urban neighborhood, brings back warm memories of her Brooklyn roots! She also has fun sharing a love of plants with her husband, Jeff, at their home-based nursery and hiking at Acadia National Park. Mimi is excited that her daughter is now guiding inner city youth toward discovery of outdoor adventure. You can reach Mimi at www.wiselywed.com, 344 Harvard Street, Suite 2, Brookline, MA 02446, (508)358-5706.

{Real Jewish Wedding} Los Angeles, CA

Posted on June 25, 2013 by Alison in Real Jewish Weddings

Even though they were born in the same hospital, grew up less than 15 minutes from each other in Los Angeles, and both went to college at UCLA, Becky and Eric’s paths didn’t cross until years after they moved to New York, and even then it wasn’t until a chance encounter during a night out with a mutual friend.

They dated seriously for a year and one week after their anniversary, Eric tricked Becky into thinking they were having dinner with friends. Instead, Eric proposed to Becky at home and then took her to one of her favorite restaurants for a celebratory dinner. When they arrived back at their apartment, Becky realized that this was just the beginning of Eric’s master plan. As soon as she opened the door, Becky was greeted by 20 of their closest friends, who had gathered for a surprise engagement party.

Becky and Eric traveled to Los Angeles from New York to celebrate their wedding day with family and friends. They decided to have a traditional Jewish wedding, including a Kaballat Panim and Chatan’s Tisch before the ceremony, followed by the signing of the Ketubah and the Bedeken. Becky circled Eric at the beginning of the ceremony before they joined their parents and the Rabbi under the chuppah.

The food-minded couple envisioned an epic cocktail hour, which Pat’s Catering helped them make a reality. Guests enjoyed an abundance of delicious tray-passed hors d’oeuvres, along with three stations attended by chefs serving potato latkes with assorted toppings, sliders, and Eastern European Jewish classics. Becky and Eric designed the “Jewish Station,” which included corned beef, pastrami, smoked turkey, stuffed cabbage, kasha varnishkes, kishka, and chopped liver. Even though their guests stuffed themselves silly during the cocktail hour, they were able to work up an appetite for dinner during the lively and sweaty hora.

Mazel tov, Becky and Eric!

Venue: Sephardic Temple Tifereth Israel
Photographer: B&G Photography
Florist: Ixora Floral Studio
Jeweler: The Jewelers of Las Vegas
Ceremony Music/Band: N’Demand
Lighting: George’s Lighting
Caterer: Pat’s Catering
Wedding Dress: Anna Maier/Ulla-Maija
Shoes: Kate Spade
Veil : Bridal Veil Falls
Earrings: Anzie
Hair: Amanda Tuller
Makeup: Gabi Militello
Officiant: Rabbi Jonathan Jaffe Bernhard
Invitations/Stationery/Yarmulkes: Designs & More
Bridesmaid Dresses: Amsale
Ketubah: Ketubah.com
Photobooth: Hollywood Photo Booth

How To Not Stress About Your Wedding

Posted on June 24, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas, Planning

I know how stressful wedding planning can be! So many decisions to make! So many family members to please! So much worry about weight and skin and hair color! The year of the wedding is an important one, and you want to do everything you can to make sure that the final product — the big day! — is perfect. I don’t blame you one bit, and you should do whatever you can to make sure that it all goes down without a hitch.

But putting that much focus on wedding planning — or anything that big and important — can really stress a sista out. I’m currently in the middle of a move to a new home so I should probably take my own advice below. These are things you already know, but need a gentle kick on the tushie to remind you, so without further delay, I present “How To Not Stress About Your Wedding.”

Exercise. Blech. I know. Sweat ruins the Jew-fro. But still, it’s important. I guess you could always do things that count as exercise, but don’t feel like exercise. Like, you could play team sports with your friends! Or lay out by the pool to get a tan and then go swimming to cool off. Just do fun exercise so that your mind is off the wedding. Not to get all sciencey, but apparently, you release endorphins when you exercise and endorphins help make you feel all peace-love-and-happiness and stuff. To quote Elle Woods, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.” I guess this quote is also applicable to marriage which is appropriate for a wedding planning blog. So, to sum it up: you should exercise so that you don’t freak out about your wedding and so that you don’t go to jail. Ta da!
Breathe. You do it anyway without even trying so you may as well make it meaningful if you’re stressed. Take deep breaths. Count backwards from 10. Relax your mind. Sometimes those brief moments help give you some clarity. When I’m ready to throw down or I begin to fantasize about punching people in the face, I count. Usually I feel better after that. If not, then I play Candy Crush in order to run away from my problems because sometimes being immature is easier.
Music. Blast it. Sing it. Play it. Music therapy works! Why do you think there were so many Jewish composers? They were worrying all the time about this and that and then they wrote brilliant tunes. I mean, Irving Berlin, a nice Jewish boy, writes “White Christmas,” the most un-Hanukkah-like holiday hit? I’m telling you. Music does wonders.
Go online. Read about other peoples’ problems. There’s nothing like a little schadenfreude to keep your mind in check. So many other people have it worse. If you’re not into reading about strangers’ depressing issues, you can always search for the happy. Look into jokes or feel-good stories or pictures of puppies canoodling with babies. Waste away on the Internet to find solutions to your problems or go the opposite direction and take some time to ignore them. Use the content that’s available at your fingertips to recharge your brain so you can come away with a better grasp on your situation.
Wine. Chocolate. Enough said.
Spa day! There’s nothing like the quiet room, a cozy robe, soft-talking therapists, and a massage. Make that Me-time happen for you! Go get a treatment that puts you at ease. A massage and a pedicure are my two favorites. Think about what you’d love most right now to pamper yourself and give yourself permission to enjoy. You deserve it!
Be with your favorite person. Make a spontaneous getaway with the lucky person who gets to marry you! Escape from reality for a bit and relish in the joy that is you two. It’s important to put into perspective why you’re getting married and that the other nonsense matters much less than the love you’re professing on that one day. If you can’t do a real vacation where you turn off wedding talk for an extended period of time, go out and have a date night. Or cuddle on the couch. Don’t talk about the wedding. Don’t go on Pinterest. Don’t even read The Wedding Yentas {I know, how are you going to cope?!}. Just be with your love and boycott the wedding so you can refocus when it’s time to hit the pavement again.

Good luck! Everything’s going to be OK!