Category Archives: From the Expert

Yours, Mine, and Ours — Oy!

Posted on April 26, 2012 by Alison in From the Expert, Inside Scoop, Planning

Unlike Tevye’s daughters in “Fiddler on the Roof,” you don’t exactly need a dowry and probably already have your own apartment or home filled with furniture, dishes, and tchotchkes galore. Odds are you’ve been living on your own for quite some time and have your own way of doing things.

With all the excitement of planning a wedding and the anticipation of the big day, you might not have thought about how you will merge two homes into one. It’s quite possible that between you exist duplicates of everyday living, such as small appliances, flat-screen TVs, and the cushy sofa you snuggle up on to watch Mad Men.

Here are some ideas to help you blend your two homes into one and survive the process without coming to blows. I think we all remember the famous “wagon-wheel” coffee table scene from the movie, When Harry Met Sally, and would do anything to avoid that situation.

when-harry-met-sally

Compromise is an integral ingredient of a successful marriage and communication is key. Figure out which items are most important to you, what you are willing to let go, and be sensitive to your partner’s desires as well.

What to Keep/What to Donate/Sell
Take a full inventory of both homes to identify duplicates. Try to be objective and figure which items will fit best in your new space, and how they will be used. This can really come in handy as you develop your bridal registry. No sense in having something in triplicate. I recommend taking measurements of large furniture (sofas, tables, chairs) to determine which pieces will fit best in your new home.

Be sensible: keep the newer, small appliances and donate the old toaster, can opener, etc. Be sensitive, too, if your partner just loves the coffee mug with his fraternity logo; it’s okay to keep it. Don’t sweat the small stuff!

Anything you don’t keep can be sold or donated. If you have the time and an accessible yard or driveway holding a garage sale could be fun. If that doesn’t float your boat, Craigslist is a good place to sell just about anything. Things that don’t sell can be donated to the charity of your choice. The National Council of Jewish Women will come and pick up your items.
To schedule a pick-up call 1-800-400-6259 or visit their website.

Household Chores/Bill Paying
The unfortunate truth is that our daily lives are filled with many mundane tasks. Identifying who does what and choosing the tasks you like to do can make life so much easier. Sit down with your fiance and make a list of household chores. Talk about how each of you currently accomplish these tasks and which ones you like and don’t like to do. Maybe one person likes to pay bills while the other one is happy to do the dishes.

Home Organization
Think of your new home as the foundation of your new life together. With the infrastructure in place, maintaining a sense of order and organization will be so much easier.

Essentially, everything needs a home and like-items go together. This really applies to every area of the home. The pantry is a good example. Set up zones with categorical items: baking, pasta/sauces; canned goods; cereals/breakfast items; spices/oils/vinegars; cookies/candy/desserts, etc. Creating zones in your pantry cuts down on overbuying at the grocery store.

This philosophy can applied to any area where items are stored: wardrobe closet, linen closet, drawers, and under the sink. If all your black pants are hanging next to each other it makes it easier to find them and pretty obvious that you don’t need another pair!

Files Instead of Piles
With mail coming in for two things can pile up quickly. Papers need a home, too. You can certainly maintain two sets of files but I would recommend merging household files, such as insurance, shared credit cards, etc. If you decide to merge your household files, be sure to agree on the name of file so you both can retrieve information. For example, create a tab called AUTO and have two files, one with the name of your car and the other with the name of your finance’s car.

Going through this process before you are married will save time, money, and aggravation later. With a little upfront planning, merging your two homes into one will be a breeze. Take the time to set up your foundation and enjoy the results.

Follow my motto: organize to simplify, and have more time for the fun stuff.

Cindy Kamm has been an organizing specialist since 2003. A former marketing professional, Cindy brings her passion for organizing to homes and offices in greater L.A. Customized solutions are created for each client, designed to fit with their personality and lifestyle. From kitchens to closets, no job is too big or too small. Cindy can be reached at 310-963-5826; cindy@details-etc.com; www.details-etc.com.

From The Expert: 3 Tips For Creating Your Own Interfaith Ceremony

Posted on April 19, 2012 by Alison in From the Expert, Jewish Traditions, Planning

Daniel Sroka is the artist and owner of Modern Ketubah. He creates modern fine art wedding ketubahs from his abstract photographs of flowers and leaves for interfaith, Jewish, and multi-cultural couples. The first ketubah he ever made was for his own wedding. He and his then-fiance, Cara, wanted to make sure they loved the artwork to proudly hang it in their home, and they also wanted to be sure that the text and symbolism was meaningful, especially as an interfaith couple. They decided that his fine art photography would be the ideal style to express their marriage, as many other ketubahs they saw while shopping were adorned with Jewish symbols, and did not match their taste or represent them equally. Since then, Daniel has successfully built a ketubah business that honors individual style and spirituality.

Interfaith weddings represent a beautiful moment: the joining of two families with different traditions into one. This gives interfaith couples the opportunity to create a wedding ceremony that not only appeals to them artistically, but also symbolizes how their marriage brings together their religions and backgrounds.

When my customers ask me for advice on how to create an interfaith ceremony, I usually give them a few pieces of advice:
(1) Make no assumptions about what should be in the ceremony.
(2) Be ready to compromise, discuss, and learn.
(3) Remember that while you are trying to honor your families and religions, be sure to create a ceremony that is meaningful to you personally.

Make no assumptions: We all grow up with ideas of what a wedding should look like, grounded partly in our religion and the weddings we attended as children, and partly in the glamorous depictions of Hollywood. But when you create your own ceremony, be ready to set these ideas aside and start from scratch. Don’t assume that your partner shares your same romanticized vision. What you consider essential to a wedding might be something that he or she can’t stand. So while these ideas can influence you, and help guide you, don’t assume that your wedding must follow those patterns.

Be ready to compromise and learn: I always recommend that a couple write down their ideas of what should be in a wedding, and then go through them step by step and explain to each other the meaning and importance of each. This is especially important for religious traditions that your partner may have no understanding of. Be patient, and be open-minded. When my wife and I did this, we began to realize that some traditions we originally considered essential really had no meaning once we tried to explain them. And other traditions we never paid attention to suddenly became very meaningful and important. So be ready to compromise, and be ready to learn how to balance each others’ needs, concerns and ideas. Creating this wedding is one of your first big challenges as an interfaith couple.

Artist Daniel Sroka and his bride with their interfaith ketubah he created.

Remember that the ceremony is about you: Families can put a lot of pressure on a couple, especially when they are interfaith. Consciously or not, your family will try to influence what should be in your wedding. This can be a good thing, especially when they help you understand and explain your traditions. But it can also become an unnecessary burden. Grandma won’t come to a wedding that doesn’t have a chuppah. Your father won’t be happy unless he walks you down the aisle alone. Aunt Sally insists that a valid wedding must be held in a church. Subtle demands and suggestions can start to overwhelm you! But don’t let these family pressures dictate what your wedding should be like. Remember that this is your ceremony, the start of your marriage. Your family is important, but they are there for you, not the other way around. Listen to their concerns, be don’t feel obligated to them.

While an interfaith wedding can often feel like a diplomatic mission between warring factions, it doesn’t need to be. It can really be a way to introduce both sides of your family to the traditions and religion of their new in-laws. When my wife and I got married, we created a ceremony that combined both her Jewish and my Catholic traditions, while also introducing some new traditions and ideas of our own. This combined ceremony worked to bring our two families together in a beautiful and special way. Each side could relate to part of the ceremony, and also share the experience of something new. We explained the traditions throughout the ceremony in simple terms so that everyone could appreciate the parts they weren’t familiar with. We worked carefully with our rabbi and priest to make sure the ceremony came together as a whole, and that no one felt left out or confused. And in the end, our families loved it as much as we did. It was as much a celebration of our new marriage, as it was of our families and traditions that helped make us who we are. It let us honor our religions and families while defining our own newly combined values, and began to establish what it would mean to live together as an interfaith couple.

From The Expert: Catering Manager vs. Wedding Planner

Posted on April 9, 2012 by Alison in Featured, From the Expert, Inside Scoop, Planning

Today, a real wedding expert is here to explain the difference between a Catering Manager at your venue and a Wedding Planner that you hire separately. So often, their jobs and duties get mixed up, but the owner of By Kerri Hatter has the scoop to make it easy to understand. Take it away, Kerri!

So often, we are told by brides that they don’t think they need our services because their
venue provides a coordinator. While that is true (the venue does provide a coordinator), the
responsibilities of a venue or catering manager are very different from a professional Wedding
Planner. Below are things you can expect from each one:

Catering Manager
The Catering Manager is your main contact, and usually your first through a tour, at the venue.
They are responsible for the sales of events. Once you have decided on their venue, they
produce your contract involving all the terms and financial commitments to the resort as well as
balancing out your final bill following your special day.

Your Catering Manager will host a menu tasting, assist you with food and beverage selections,
and educate you on how to reach the minimums required per your contract. They develop your
BEO (Banquet Event Order), which outlines your menu, rentals and anything else the venue
will be providing. They are also responsible for making sure that the Banquet Manager, who
manages all of the food & beverage and staff at the reception, is aware of all of your requests
regarding any venue service.

Catering Managers are responsible for the set up of all hotel related items on the day of the
event. Then they will oversee the ceremony and reception set ups to make sure all venue
contracted items are being delivered as promised.

At hotels, your Catering Manager introduces you to the reservations manager if you need
to book room blocks and oversees the details of the bride and grooms suite the night of the
wedding.

Finally, as the Catering Manager is in charge of the responsibilities solely related to the venue,
they can work closely with a professional Wedding Planner to ensure a successful event.

Wedding Planner
The Wedding Planner is responsible for coordinating and executing all of the wedding elements
not involving the venue and serves as an advisor/educator and mediator throughout the
planning. As an expert in the wedding industry, the Planner helps with etiquette specifically
related to weddings. He or she handles all of the time-consuming details and communication
involved with planning the wedding. The Wedding Planner is also the biggest resource because
they have many contacts in the industry and will be able to match each client with the right
professionals. Some services provided by Wedding Planners are:

Acts as a liaison between family, bridal party, the vendors, and the venue staff leading up
to and on the day of the wedding
Attends the final meeting with the Catering Manager at the venue
Coordinates with the Catering Manager on the BEOs
Develops a timeline for the entire wedding day
Confirms all vendors and coordinates timelines and details with them to ensure all
parties know what to expect on the wedding day
Conducts the rehearsal and reviews the itinerary with all family and bridal party
Sets up all wedding elements – guest books, place cards, favors, programs, table
numbers, and any other items the bride and groom want displayed
Double checks all venue set ups to make sure they coordinate with the BEOs (seating
charts, napkin folds, ceremony set up, linen colors, etc.)
Coordinates timing of ceremony and reception including grand entrances, first dances,
speeches, and cake cutting
Collects all gifts and décor, and delivers to the appropriate location at the end of the
night

Kerri advises a bride and groom about the cake cutting.

Kerri gives a push down the aisle to a young member of the wedding party.

Here is a great real situation from a recent wedding differentiating the two roles:
About 2 hours before the ceremony, I received a frantic call that the groom’s dad did not have
his tie for the wedding. He thought the hotel maids might have cleaned up the room and
thrown it away by accident! The Catering Manager has to stay on property at all times, so I sent
one of my assistants to the closest tie shop to buy a tie as close to the color of the rest of the
groomsmen. Crisis averted!

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Kerri started her career in event planning over 20 years ago, but found her true passion for planning when she got married in 2004. Having been a bride herself, she understands everything the bride and groom are feeling and knows how difficult it can be to handle all the details and keep everyone happy at the same time! Kerri’s easy going personality immediately puts her clients at east and her almost obsession with organization keeps them on track. Her innovative thinking and passion to help everyone she meets prompted Kerri to create The Wedding Workshop.

From The Expert: 7 Things To Know About Your Band

Posted on March 29, 2012 by Alison in From the Expert, Planning

On Monday, Ken Arlen of Arlen Music gave us the scoop on six helpful tips for hiring a wedding band. Today, he’s back for more to share seven good ideas and important qualities to look for when narrowing down your search. Following these guidelines will help you feel like a smart shopper and a confidant bride.

1. You want to have a good rapport with your prospective bandleader. He or she will be playing a very important role: the bandleader will not only be injecting personality into your event, but implementing your vision for the evening. My MC style is fun, warm and inviting. I do not like the stereotypical and artificial animated MC personality. I like to create a festive atmosphere where the musicians and guests are celebrating together, and I especially want our performance to be from the heart. This is what people respond to and what will connect with your guests!

2. When you meet with your prospective band leader ask him about the process he will take you through to plan your wedding. At Arlen Music, we want to work closely with our clients to customize the flow of the evening and to discuss the many specific details that will make your wedding unique. This involves a series of steps we will take you through as our client. We want the process to be enjoyable, easy and fun for you. We especially want you to sleep well the weeks before your wedding and feel confident that Arlen Bands will deliver the goods.

3. Your bandleader should be able to show you the personnel in the band. Beware of the “revolving door band.” Only well established bands who a hired for lots of work can demand an exclusive commitment from their musicians. At Arlen Music, we do not hire freelancers. All of our bands have set musicians and vocalists that have agreed to make your wedding date their top priority. When you hear the audio demo, make sure the musicians and vocalists you are hearing are what you are actually going to get at your party.

4. Before you book a top cover band, check out how well they perform contemporary dance music. It is much more challenging for a band to perform new music with an authentic sound than music that has been around for 20 to 30 years. Production values are much higher today than they were ten years ago. Also, beware of bands where the vocalists perform behind a music stand so they can look at lyrics. How can you connect to the audience as a vocalist while reading lyrics? Our guests often tell us that our Arlen Bands perform and sound like a live concert of the original artist. We deliver authentic vocal performances as well as instrumental arrangements.

5. Please do not expect to audition your band at someone else’s wedding. Imagine a dozen uninvited folks crashing your wedding to hear your band perform. To me, the bandleaders that invite you to hear them at someone else’s wedding are displaying poor judgment. At Arlen Music, we invite you to our conference room to meet in person, which allows us to direct our full attention on you and your wedding. We also have extensive materials to show you including current live performance video.

6. There is an old saying in the music business that “Frank Sinatra did not move pianos.” You want to make sure your bandleader has a solid support staff to free him up to perform at the highest level for your wedding. Take a look at both the front stage and the back stage of an organization. If the bandleader does not have a strong back stage, then rest assured his front stage is operating on thin ice. At Arlen Music, we have six full time office staff ready to take your call from 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. every day, and multiple conference rooms all designed to support our wedding bands. In order to address new repertoire and our client’s musical requests, we have eight arrangers on staff to create multiple new musical arrangements on a weekly basis. Rest assured, any requests you have we can prepare for your wedding. In order to make the front stage performances sparkling, we also employ a choreographer and a wardrobe consultant to keep all of our musicians looking their best.

7. Sound reproduction is a huge component to the success of your wedding. So many bands play too loudly and the mix is poor, or you hear horrendous feedback when your father or the best man is giving his toast. At Arlen Music, each band has two full time sound engineers that know the band inside and out. At your wedding, one mans the controls at the back of the stage and one walks the room to ensure levels are set correctly. Our mandate is that during dinner, all guests must be able to talk comfortably across the table without leaning in. When our bands perform, it will sound like a well-mixed recording throughout your room.

I hope these ideas are helpful to you. As you are making your final decision, remember that wedding entertainment is an investment with a huge payoff. Every wedding has a budget, but a great orchestra is very much worth the extra dollars. Ten years from now your guests will remember the music because dancing to an awesome live performance is an incredibly powerful experience. But do not forget that you are the stars of the evening — not your band. This is your night! Mazel tov!

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With over 25 years of experience and a stellar reputation with venues, wedding planners and past clients, Arlen Music has the knowledge, talent and resources to make your wedding reception one that you and your guests will never forget. The Arlen Music bands have ignited hundreds of wedding receptions with the unique Arlen Music style and contemporary music selection. Following the success of the Ken Arlen Orchestra, Arlen Music began offering additional bands in the KAO mold. Over the years, demand has led to more diverse offerings, ranging from traditional string quartets (perfect for ceremony music), and a variety of fabulous dinner entertainment such as a rock and roll violin show and Oh What A Night, a tribute to the hit Broadway musical Jersey Boys. Music plays a powerful role at your celebration. Make it memorable by contacting Arlen Music.

From The Expert: How To Hire A Wedding Band

Posted on March 26, 2012 by Alison in Featured, From the Expert, Inside Scoop, Planning

Get your dancing shoes on and get inspired to start your search for your wedding band! Ken Arlen of Arlen Music drops by today for Part I of a two-parter that’s all about learning the ins and outs of hiring a group to play live tunes for your big day. Ready to start shopping for your band? Read on to find out how to successfully and intelligently check off this important item on your to-do list!

As a bandleader, I can appreciate the tough decision each bride and groom face when deciding on the best entertainment for their wedding. We all know that a great band or orchestra can make or break a special event. Although every wedding I perform is different and unique, I believe my clients are looking for one universal result – they want a combination of elegance and fun, with fun being the operative word!

“We want all of our guests on the dance floor celebrating with us all night!”

The experience of sharing this day with all of your friends and family is so powerful it is hard to put into words. I like to ask my couples, “If we are sitting here four weeks after your wedding, what had to happen for you to be completely thrilled with your celebration experience?” This is how I tune into what will make their wedding special and unique.

As I have grown my entertainment company over the years, I now have five bands that can deliver the above result. But my friends and clients often ask me, especially if my bands are not available, how do we decide? What process should we follow to find the best music for our wedding?

Here are six tips that I feel would be helpful:

1. Understand the lingo — everyone wonders about the difference between a wedding band and orchestra. A dance orchestra is a larger band, usually with multiple vocalists, a horn section, and a violin section. For example, my 15-piece Ken Arlen Orchestra has five rhythm, three horns, three violins, and four lead vocalists!

2. Recognize that you have to find a band that plays not only the music you like, but also music that will be received well by all of your guests including your friends, your parents’ friends, and your grandparents. This requires a high level of versatility and an extensive repertoire. There is no reason why your band should not sound incredible in all styles. No compromise!

3. Start by getting referrals from your family, friends, and especially other professionals in the event industry. When you think about it, photographers are a great referral source since their primary job is to document the experience in the room. Just like your bandleader, you are hiring them to pay close attention to everything that is happening. Many photographers tell me they love working with Arlen Bands because the guests are more animated and have more fun, thus the images they capture are more interesting!

4. Ask your venue for their referrals. Having a band that has experience performing at your venue and has a working relationship with the venue staff is a definite advantage.

5. Keep in mind that you may have a favorite club band, but if they do not have experience performing at a wedding, I can guarantee that you will not be happy with the result. Leading a band at a wedding requires a specific skill that takes years of experience to develop.

6. Look for a great bandleader. I often tell clients that great music is only half of what makes a wedding successful. The other half is the bandleader’s ability to read the crowd, customize the music to your desire, keep the pace of the evening as MC, and effortlessly implement a well conceived itinerary that flows from when the doors open to the end of the night!

Let’s assume after following the above advice you have your top bands lined up. Of course you will peruse their web site, but you need to take the time to meet with your prospective bandleader to make your best decision.

Come back on Thursday to read up on Part II from Ken Arlen to read about qualities to look for and rapports to have when selecting your dream wedding band!

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