Category Archives: Inside Scoop

If I Could Do My Wedding All Over Again… Part II

Posted on December 14, 2011 by Alison in Inside Scoop

Last week, real brides dished on certain elements they wish they coculd have changed about their wedding day. Nothing was catastrophic. The wedding was still just as dreamy as they’d hoped. But The Wedding Yentas asked if there was one thing, just something, that they could change about their weddings, what would it be?

Here’s Part II of the series with some additional woulda-coulda-shouldas that might help current brides who are deep in the planning trenches!

If I could do one thing over it would have been a trial run for my hair. I somehow managed to do trial runs for every other little detail, but the hair trial run was pretty pricey so I skipped it. I knew exactly what I wanted, including bringing pictures, but somehow the stylist took my request to wear my hair down with a poof in the front to look like a Jersey Shore girl! My friends, makeup artist, and photographer saved the day with a re-do, but I definitely shed a tear or two in the process.
— Elana K., Washington

I do wish that someone would have been in charge of all of the groomsmen during picture taking. It was like trying to make a bunch of three year olds focus on nothing.
— Renee S., Kansas

Towards the end of the wedding night, I decided to order a glass of red wine at the bar. BIG MISTAKE! As I was holding the glass of wine, one of our guests walked right into me accidentally spilling the whole glass of red wine down the front of my beautiful WHITE dress. My husband’s Aunt saw the whole thing and immediately pulled me into the restroom to try to remove the stain. Luckily, she got most of the wine out and also luckily it was at the end of the evening so most of our guests were either leaving or did not notice the wine on my dress, but if I were to do it all over again, I would have been drinking clear liquids all night long!
— Alli S., Illinois

Acknowledge the elders as much as you can! My grandparents felt special walking down the aisle and being front and center during all the action. I wish we included them in our special slow dance or did something at the reception to acknowledge them as they are responsible for so much love in my family and are so special to me!
— Nicole P., California

If I had to change one thing, I would have hired a videographer. We went back and forth and ultimately decided not to have one because we didn’t think we would really watch it and we decided to spend the money somewhere else. Going to weddings after mine, I realized it would have been nice to have a video of our loved ones wishing us well, not to mention being able to watch my niece walk up and down the bima throughout the ceremony. I also would have loved to have had the video for my children to one day watch.
— Bethany L., New York

Having dance lessons just slipped right off the to-do list. We talked about it, did a little research but never pulled the trigger on it. When the big day came, all worked out but my husband, my father, and I, as well, could have all used a pointer or two!
— Sarah G., Washington

I wish I had asked my photographers more questions in order to know about the kind of photos they’d take because the day of the wedding was stressful and I didn’t get some of the photos my family members and I would have wanted. The photos and the album are amazing, but that’s one thing I think all brides should do: ask specific questions so you don’t get caught off guard the week of the wedding when it’s too late.
— Alicia D., Pennsylvania

The biggest regret I have was having a bridal party. It’s such a traditional thing to do, and I felt obligated to have a couple people in my wedding party because I was in theirs. I’m really not even close to two of them and I pressured my husband into having groomsmen (it’s a tradition that’s not really done in Israel, which is where he is from) just because I was having bridesmaids. The groomsmen were all so annoyed about having to wear matching suits, and it was a hassle dealing with them. Looking back, I should have just had my Maid of Honor and my husband should have just had his Best Man. It would’ve been so much easier.
— Wendy Z., California

I wish I had worn my hair down. Everyone told me to put it up because it would “keep” well all day and I wouldn’t have to fuss with it. But looking back, that was silly! I’ve never been an up-do girl, and my hair was gorgeously long at the time and would have been amazing if left down with big curls.
— Rachel K., Hawaii

If I Could Do My Wedding All Over Again… Part I

Posted on December 7, 2011 by Alison in Inside Scoop

Your wedding day WILL be the most fabulous! Day! Of! Your! Life!

However, hindsight is 20/20. There may be elements of your wedding that you may look back on with regret or remorse. It’s never a fabulous feeling, but you should know that as long as you have love, that’s all that really matters.

Womp, womp. I know, that’s super cheesy. But it’s true!

Just in case, though, it might be helpful to learn what other been-there-done-that brides have to say about their weddings. The Wedding Yentas recently asked a group of married ladies: What do you wish you could go back and change about your wedding day or wedding planning experience?

I wish I had my makeup artist come to the venue and or leave me makeup. After the toasts at the wedding, I was a crying mess and in all photos after that, I look like I have no makeup on. I should have coordinated for her to stay for touch ups or have a touch-up kit on hand to freshen up my face or reapply lipstick.
— Alex N., California

I wish my husband and I had interacted more during the wedding ceremony. I recall telling him I think we should be holding hands and his response: “The Rabbi didn’t tell us to.” When standing in front of so many people, I think we both had a little stage fright, but I will always wish we held hands under the chuppah!
— Sarah G., Washington

I wish I would have eaten more and drank just a little less. I recall the food being really good at our tasting and would have liked to partake in our entree a bit more which may have given me a better base for celebrating with some libations which ultimately left me not feeling so hot at the end of the night.
— Desiree J., California

Instead of getting a videographer, which, at the time, I thought was silly, I had my brother-in-law’s fiancé video the ceremony on one of our small video cameras. Somewhere in the hustle of getting everyone packed up and out of the Farmhouse the next day, the video camera disappeared. Apparently, one of my husband’s employees got the ceremony on film on his cell phone but I’ve yet to receive a copy. If I had to do it again, I’d hire a videographer.
— Mia G., California

I wish that I would have gotten married at the country club where my parents got married or at least had my reception there. At the time, we had too many people on the guest list to fit in that location. I am all about tradition and this would have had more sentimental meaning to me rather than at the Marriott.
— Renee S., Kansas

I wish I wore my hair one way for the ceremony and took it down before the reception. Instead of the whole crazy dress change that celebs do, I think it’s fun to change your look simply with your hair! If I could do it all over again, I would have had two different hairstyles to complement the formal ceremony and the fun reception.
— Nicole P., California

I felt like I was obligated to put a girl in my wedding party since I was a bridesmaid in her wedding two years prior. However, the friendship had changed since her wedding and we weren’t as close. The tension between us at the shower, bachelorette party, and even on my wedding day made it awkward for me and I wish I would have chosen another female friend that I was closer with at the time. Even though I just got married in May, the friendship between her and I no longer exists and now I have to have her permanently in my wedding album. What I would advise every bride-to-be is that this is the one day of your life where you can be selfish. Don’t try to please everyone and choose who you want to stand up next to you as you become husband and wife.
— Ilene B., Georgia

While I loved my photographer and all of the images he produced, I did not give him a shot list. The list would have included a photo of all the families together, my grandma and me, all of our nieces and nephews with the two of us, and other special shots of some of my favorite people. My wedding memories were captured, but not every single one made it into my collection, and in hindsight, it makes me sad to think I lost out on some forever memories.
— Annie F., California

I wish I had included my mom more in my wedding planning. I’m such a control freak that I didn’t stop to think about how much the wedding meant to her.
— Rachel K., Hawaii

Check back next Wednesday to read more Wedding Wishes from fabulous and knowledgeable brides.

Pingback: If I Could Do My Wedding All Over Again… Part II | The Wedding Yentas™ | A Guide for the Jewish Bride!™

Destination: Married

Posted on November 23, 2011 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning

Planning a destination wedding sounds like an involved and complicated task, but if you’re hesitating about making your wedding a dream vacation come true, don’t. We want to soothe your worries and calm your concerns with a breakdown of things to think about as you plan your destination wedding.

It’s likely that you and your circle of friends and family are sprinkled throughout the world. Thanks to Facebook and other social media sites and applications, you are able to stay in touch and keep up with each other’s lives. But there’s nothing like face-to-face time and being together in person. A local, in-town wedding will typically only last one day, and that’s a short amount of time to cram in hellos and hugs with your loved ones. A destination wedding, however, usually spans across a larger chunk of time, so take comfort in knowing that you’ll have more than a frenzied day to make the rounds and spend quality moments with your posse. It’s like a group vacation with all your favorite people. Embrace this concept as you plan your out-of-town nuptials and know that your wedding will be an intimate experience for everyone!

Believe it or not, it’s likely that you’ll spend less money on a destination wedding. We’re not guaranteeing your bank account will have more digits than a traditional at-home wedding; we’re just saying that it’s very likely you’ll have fewer people coming which means you won’t be spending the money on meals and tables (which means linens, centerpieces, chair covers, and favors). Destination weddings tend to be light on the guest list and RSVPs because some invitees aren’t able to spend the money to travel to be at your wedding. Knowing this possibility, you can account for a smaller turnout than you would at a local wedding. This may be what you want to hear — or not — but you should keep this in mind as you budget your wedding elements and vendors. It’s possible that even with travel costs, depending on the vendors you hire, you may still come out under budget with a destination wedding than with a local affair.

To keep costs down further, you can choose to get married at vacation spot during its off season. Most hotels will have better deals and airfare might not be so sky-high (no pun intended… okay, yes it was). You could even score some better deals during the off season if you play your cards right. Just be flexible in knowing that weather may be against you, since that’s usually the determining factor behind high and off seasons for vacation destinations.

Give your guests plenty of notice! Usually, the rule of thumb is to send guests a save the date notice about six months out from your wedding date, but that’s if your wedding is going to be in town. For a destination wedding, you really need to give more than six months so that your guests can begin looking for the best travel options. Make sure to provide as much information as possible including, of course, the date, city, hotel, and even wedding weekend event if possible (rehearsal dinner, family picnic, beach bonfire, etc.). This is also the appropriate place to include a wedding website if you have one. We love the wedding wed-sites over at MyWedding. You can create personal sites with a wide range of thematic choices that represent you as a couple!

destination-save-the-date-cards

Get help. No really, unless you plan on flying to your wedding location every few months, you’re going to need someone to help you plan while you’re living your life far from your venue. This is definitely a time to hire a coordinator or, if you have a friend or family member that happens to live near your wedding spot, this is the time to be needy! You’ll need someone nearby to help you delegate with other wedding vendors. If you’re not sure how to go about hiring a wedding coordinator abroad, I’m sure your venue will have contact to refer you to. If you’re getting married at a hotel property, you can use the venue’s coordinator. Either way, this is when you’ll need a chief of staff.

Find the right amount of activities for your guests. You want to give them substantial reasons to travel for your destination wedding, so you may consider planning group activities like a canoeing adventure on a lake or wine tasting event at a vineyard. A beach volleyball tournament or golf at the resort are also fun recreational activities. However, it is your guests’ vacation, too, and you don’t want to bog them down with too much that they feel they have no time to themselves. Your wedding is not their sleep away camp, so try to cut back on the tendency to be their counselor. A couple hosted meals and an activity should provide enough group bonding opportunities in addition to the main event: tying the knot!

Register with a twist. When it comes to your gift registry, keep in mind that tangible presents don’t travel well. Breakables, fancy wrapping, and packing restrictions make traveling with gifts a difficult task for your guests. And then, you have to shlep it back home when the wedding getaway is all over. Does this mean you shouldn’t register? No! Definitely not! Register to your heart’s content, but make it easy on your guests and you! Our friends at Deposit a Gift have a solution for you. This cash gift registry is helpful because it gives guests an option for a gift that they don’t have to worry about lugging or shipping. They can just pay with their credit card and go! Gift givers like Deposit a Gift because it helps them give a nice gift when they don’t have a lot of time to put tons of thought into it because they are more focused on the travel logistics of actually getting to the wedding. The chances of a gift getting lost or stolen is possible with at-home weddings, but gift safety is even more of a concern at destination weddings where you don’t have your bearings. And a lot of guests wouldn’t want to bring cash or checks to a destination because of the same concern. Basically, Deposit a Gift is super helpful because engaged couples can show guests what they want to buy when they settle down, but not have to contend with shipping a bunch of stuff or registering to appease people, only to return it all. Deposit a Gift takes away all that hassle. We love great companies with great ideas.

Don’t forget, your destination wedding isn’t all about umbrella drinks or ski lodge hot chocolate. You still have the “business” side of the wedding to conquer, and we want to make sure you’re ready. If you’re getting married out of state or even out of the country, you’ll still need to obtain a marriage license. Don’t forget your passport if you’re leaving the U.S. either! Passports aren’t quick on the turnaround, so make sure to plan way ahead and give the office enough time to return your passport to you well before travel time. Obtaining a local marriage license varies based on the city. We suggest you contact the local city hall and find out what the process is to be a resident of your state and get married in theirs. Be sure you’ve completed all necessary tasks before hand; some states or countries still require blood tests or other health screenings.

Your destination wedding will be fabulous no matter where you are, who’s with you, and what it looks like. Because despite what it says on the plane ticket, your final destination is married!

Hooking Up At Your Wedding

Posted on November 16, 2011 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Real Jewish Weddings

No, today’s post is not about a Barry White-influenced subject involving friends, alcohol, and late night shenanigans. We are finding, though, that modern weddings are hooking up — to the Internet!

Are you and your partner Facebook-a-holics? Did you meet online? Did your proposal require Twitter? These days, it’s not uncommon to see tech savvy couples include social networking and media on their wedding days. If you’re wondering how much is too much or if it’s easy to pull off, keep on reading for some tips and guidelines to, literally, hook up at your wedding.

If you have a big bridal party or lots of out-of-town family coming together for the first time in a while, it might be fun to set up an online “tailgate party” for your wedding day. Facebook has a “groups” function and you can set up your own wedding group for those who may want to connect before showing up for the big day. This is also an easy way to communicate to your guests and/or bridal party. Also, your group can chat and get to know each other before they meet IRL (in real life) at your wedding. This ice-breaker style function allows for photo albums and chats just like a personal Facebook page!

For more comprehensive pre-wedding tech, create a wedding website to provide information to your guests, introduce the wedding party, link to your registry, and even receive messages through a guestbook. There are varying versions of wedding websites available, and our favorites are found on MyWedding.com. With a plethora of templates to choose from, you and your partner are in control of what you want to share on the Internet!

Now, as far as being a techie on your actual wedding day, you and your posse can be linked in various ways. Have a tech-happy member of the wedding party be your Chief Of Tweet. If someone has a Twitter account, it’s more than appropriate to Tweet about the day’s events.

“11:25 a.m. Makeup artist is here! Sarah is lookin’ hot”
“2:08 p.m. Just arrived at venue – chuppah looks fab & sarah’s crying already”
“5:15 p.m. It’s almost go-time. Sarah’s gonna be a Mrs. in 15 mins!”
“6:00 p.m. Holy wow. these appetizers are delish. Oh and happy bride & groom!”
“7:24 p.m. 1 more drink then it’s MOH speech time. Wish me luck. GULP.”
“9:30 p.m. BOUQUET TIME. It’s all mine ladiessssss”
“11:00 p.m. Happy Honeymoon Sarah and David. Okay, time for afterparty”

You can even let your guests know upon arrival that if they want to Tweet about the wedding day as it happens, they can use a common hashtag so that all the Tweets related to the wedding day are bunched together. The hashtag suggestion (#SarahandDavidsWedding or #Oct10SarahDavid or #DandSWedding, etc.) can be noted in the program or on a notice that guests can see as they enter the ceremony space. And while it takes more than 140 characters to describe how simply perfect the day is at every point, the Twitterverse will be lucky to have in-the-trenches updates about each milestone from your nuptials.

Your friends and family who are unable to travel to your wedding will no doubt be disappointed to have to miss the big day. Well, don’t let them! Set up a livestream of the event so that they can attend in their PJs from their living room across the country. They won’t be able to sip your signature drink, but at least they can toast to you as it all happens. Ustream is a site we recommend and all you’ll need is an Internet connection and a camera. With a little prep in advance, this should be cake to set up at your venue. You’ll need to provide a link to your at-home viewers and just like that, your attending list can be global. And if you’re a little weirded out about anyone in the world being able to access your wedding online, you can password protect it and still keep the intimacy of your special day. Is that ridiculously cool, or what?!

In the 90s, THE thing to do for weddings was to provide disposable cameras on each table for guests to document their wedding experience. More than likely, couples would return from their honeymoon and develop half-used film that showed Uncle Larry drunk off his tushie or fuzzy images from little cousins snapping away at anything sans flash. We’re going to go out on a limb and say that not only is this costly (cameras and developing aren’t cheap!) commodity tacky, but it’s passe and irrelevant! Why litter your tablescapes with old fashioned disposable cameras when most of your guests are toting their own digital cameras and documenting the entire day for themselves? So, instead, include a small card on each table that tells guests to upload their digital photos to a common Flickr account so that all the images can be compiled in one place for you and your attendees to view and share. While you wait for your pro pics to come in, it’ll be fun to watch your account grow with your guests’ images and you’ll enjoy seeing the wedding through their point of view.

Lastly, get excited to note your marriage online! And no, that doesn’t mean you can change your name at the DMV’s or Social Security Office’s websites. We’re talking about making your marriage Facebook official. It’s never too soon to change your status from Engaged to Married and bask in the Internet glow of newlywed bliss!

Kickin’ The Post-Wedding Blues

Posted on November 9, 2011 by Alison in From The Yentas, Inside Scoop

On your wedding day, you might have covered your something old, something new, and something borrowed, but are you now just figuring out your something blue? If your wedding has come and gone and you’re still with us (Hi! Thanks for sticking around!), you might be feeling a little blue… a little disappointed, let down, or nostalgic. It’s not because your wedding day was a negative experience. Actually, it was probably the opposite. It was probably so magical that you miss it and wish you could do it all over again, but can’t. Don’t worry. You are totally normal so don’t give yourself tsuris about it.

I know this feeling. I had such a great wedding planning experience and the actual day was absolute bliss. Everything flowed perfectly, I never felt more beautiful, and I thought I’d reached the ultimate amount of warm fuzzies I could feel for my husband (this has since been trumped since the birth of our daughter three months ago). We fled to Hawaii for our honeymoon the morning after we tied the knot, and we constantly reminisced and replayed our favorite wedding day moments in our heads. Ten days later, we arrived home to a pile of presents and when they were finally all unwrapped and our life was no longer weddingified, the absence of the wedding hype was loud and clear. Cue the post-wedding blues!

So how can you recover from the happiest day of your life? What can you do to bridge the gap between hardcore wedding planning and modern day marriage? Let’s face it, you’ve spent the better chunk of a year living the life of a wedding addict and like most addictions, it’s nearly impossible to quit cold turkey. So here’s how you can soothe your withdrawals:

Write Your Darn Thank You Notes
What most people consider a chore can also become your happy time. Writing thank you notes allows you to revisit all your gifts and play with all your shiny new things. Get personal in your notes and include a favorite memory about the wedding day with the addressee. “Thank you so much for the waffle maker! Can’t wait to enjoy weekend breakfasts thanks to your gift. We had so much fun on the dance floor with you! ‘Sweet Caroline’ will never be the same after those dance moves.” Plus, your guests will be glad to receive such a personal and thoughtful note from you. Bride of the year, baby!

Pick Out Your Photos
I can’t tell you how many friends have stalled on selecting their photos for their wedding album and are celebrating their third wedding anniversary with an empty coffee table. It may seem daunting to go through your thousands of photos, but it’s best to purchase prints and design an album with your photographer when the wedding is still fresh in your head. Plus, it’s really fun to sift through your proofs and see the wedding day through your photographer’s eyes. So don’t procrastinate! Extend your wedding memories with the real images.

Host A Party
I know, I know, you’re soooo partied out from the wedding, you can’t possibly think of partying some more, right? Well, if you’re up for the challenge, invite your besties over for a night of debauchery using all your new wedding gifts! No more red cups. Here’s your chance to use real champagne flutes or martini glasses from Pottery Barn! Bake fancy desserts with your pristine KitchenAid mixer! Go to the farmer’s market and fill your new crystal Tiffany & Co. vase with pretty flowers! So. Many. Party. Options. And none of it would be possible without your wedding coming and going.

Date! Date! And More Date!
Start dating. Yes, just because you are married, it doesn’t mean you can’t date your new partner! Make a date night once a week or even once a month, but go out and do something together. This “honeymoon phase” can only last as long as you nurture it. Think of fun things to do together and fall in love all over again. You’ll probably find yourselves talking about your wedding day and sharing new memories:
“Ohmygosh, did you see Uncle Irv at the bar?”
“No! What happened?”
“Oh, that’s when you went to the bathroom and all your bridesmaids had to help you. Uncle Irv started to do his old Catskills shtick at the bar and Aunt Roz was so embarrassed, she tossed her vodka tonic in his face and told him to take his own flight back to Boca all alone! But then he did her favorite Mel Brooks bit and they went back to the hotel.”
“Ew.”

Write About It!
If you’re really yearning for your wedding day and want to recover from the blues, your best therapy is to write about it. And where should it be published? TheWeddingYentas.com of course! If you have a funny story, want to share your experience, need to rant about something, or think you have advice to pass on to other brides, you are always more than welcome to compose something and send it to The Wedding Yentas for a Tales From The Veil submission. Real brides love reading about other real brides. No doubt, you had your own unique wedding experience, but others can learn about your special day and be inspired by your story so the best way to extend your wedding day is to share it with others! If you’d like to submit a story, you can email it to alison@theweddingyentas.com and you’ll hear back quickly!

Yes, the post-wedding blues are no fun, but you can have lots of fun by still doing weddingish things after the hoopla is over. Enjoy your marriage, take care of your partner, and think back to your wedding day with pride and love. And before you know it, you’ll be onto the next phase of your life and you’ll be singing a different tune (“Hush Little Baby” anyone?).