Category Archives: Planning

Yenta-quette: Ask Desiree, Edition 1

Posted on June 4, 2012 by Alison in From the Expert, Inside Scoop, Planning, Yenta-quette

The Wedding Yentas is so excited to introduce Yenta-quette, a new installation of questions and answers about wedding etiquette from a Los Angeles foodie, social butterfly, and former Real Weddings bride, Desiree Jacobs. Be on the lookout for Desiree’s column that will share real answers to real questions about the why and how of wedding planning!

Desiree, more than anything, enjoys coming home from work and putting on pajamas. She loves to eat Mexican food and sushi (not together) and couldn’t live without chocolate. She’s got a penchant for reality tv and 90s music. She lives with her husband Richard and the cutest dog that ever lived, Breaker. She wears a size 7 shoe and would love the entire current Sam Edelman collection and black Louboutains. Feel free to send them her way! Oh and Kate Spade bags are also appreciated. If you love Yenta-quette and you’re like, “I NEED MORE OF THAT” visit her blog at www.bundtsofsteelblog.com.

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Are you required to ask a friend to be in your wedding if you were in hers?

My dear, your wedding is one of your most special of days. I’m sure you were flattered, or perhaps you were surprised when your friend asked you to be in her wedding. Every bride and every couple has unique circumstances that will impact their wedding. Your wedding should be exactly that, UNIQUE and reflective of you as a couple. I wish I could say you aren’t “required” or obligated to do anything you don’t want to for your wedding, but of course we all have to make compromises here and there. However, choosing members of your wedding party should not be one of them!

You should surround yourself with the people who are the most important to you, the most supportive of you, and people who you feel will be there for you in the years to come. No one wants to look back at their wedding photos and not still have those friends who stood at the chuppah with you not be in their life anymore. That would be so sad. Maybe you were closer with your friend around the time of her wedding and you’ve grown apart. Maybe she chose girls based on different criteria than you are selecting bridesmaids on, and maybe she had every single girl she has ever met in her wedding party. Either way, you meant something to her at that point in her life, but maybe she holds a different place at this point in your life.

There are things we sometimes do to make parents happy for our weddings, but your bridesmaids should be friends or family that are chosen without any obligatoin. Ask your girlfriends to stand up there with you because you can’t imagine them not there with you, not because you were in her wedding. Her feelings might be hurt, yes, and my wedding wish for you is that she is mature enough not to make you feel badly about your choices and that she attends and dances the hora at your wedding because she is nothing but happy for you!

What’s the protocol for food selection? Do I have to give an option of chicken or fish or can I just choose one entree for my guests with vegetarian options on hand that night for those who don’t eat meat?

Alas, food: one of my favorite topics in life! I have been to my fair share of weddings and I honestly don’t remember the food from the majority of them. Just like the kitchen is the heart of the home, the food can be a high point of your wedding. Don’t get stuck in the chicken or fish trap! Have fun with this, please! Your guests will thank you. If it’s an economical choice, by all means, choose something affordable. But if budget is no issue, have filet, have jidori chicken, have loup de mer, have a fabulous truffled mushroom ravioli. Please, no blah steamed vegetable sides! Push your caterer to present you with foods that represent you as a couple and how you want your wedding to feel. The food at your wedding is a great time to make a statement about the new Mr. and Mrs. Maybe you’re having a rustic fete in a vineyard? Find a caterer who uses locally sourced produce and let them do their thing. Don’t ever feel like you need to conform to some traditional chicken or fish option. Of course, be courteous and offer something for guests with dietary restrictions and preferences, but don’t base your menu around your picky Aunt Sarah or stuffy Bubbe. PLAY IT UP! What do you love to eat? Serve your most favorite foods and your wedding will only be more YOU because of it. Have fun with this one!

How do I determine a guest list for my rehearsal dinner? What about for our brunch the day after our wedding?

Your rehearsal dinner is the first big kick off to your wedding and it’s a really exciting event! It’s basically your wedding pre-party. The bare minimum of who to invite would include everyone who attended the wedding rehearsal which includes your wedding party and parents, and perhaps close family. It is also polite to invite guests who are traveling from out of town to be at your wedding. These guests have spent a decent amount of money to be with you for the weekend and it is nice to feed them the night before the big day. It will give you the opportunity to spend a little more time with these guests and will make the night even more festive with some extra company. If you are able to accommodate even more guests, you can more extended family members, close family friends, and good friends of the couple who are not in the wedding party, but who mean a lot to you. It is also nice to include any hostesses who threw you showers in this list if your budget and the venue can accommodate them.

If you are hosting brunch the morning after your wedding, you should definitely invite any guests who have stayed overnight after the wedding, the wedding party, and close family. Again, if there are others that live close to the venue that you would like to include, you can, but you shouldn’t feel obligated. This meal is really for those who stayed over after a night of partying and celebrating the new Mr. and Mrs!

Hot Weather, Cool Wedding

Posted on May 28, 2012 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning

Happy Memorial Day and a big thank you goes out to all those who have served our country. We remember our heroes and wish the best to their families. Most of us have the day off (a Yenta never has a day off. Yenta-ing is a 24/7 gig) and are spending the day with hungry pals around a grill, by the pool, and wearing next to nothing (your 10 seconds away from your mother calling to tell you to put on a jacket). We’re in the throes of spring, but there’s something about Memorial Day that makes us ready for summer! So, with the pending summer weddings and their accompanying summer temps, you’re going to want to do everything you can to keep your guests cool… so they don’t lose their cool.

If you’re having an outdoor ceremony, cocktail hour, or reception, your guests will need some relief from the heat. While your wedding coordinator holds the key to power on your special day, she can’t do much about the weather. However, you and your wedding planning team can help your guests stay comfortable as they try to wipe sweat mustaches off their faces in case of impromptu photos.

Leave Chinese fans on each seat so that a breeze — even if it’s a hot breeze — can help move the air on their bodies. You can usually find them in cute colors and styles to match your wedding and can also serve as nice favors. Oriental Trading Company carries all different kinds in bulk. We also like Good Orient‘s selection of light wooden fans. Both styles work well for spreading a little air around.

fans-for-guests

Help your guests hydrate themselves with canisters of water, lemonades, iced teas, or juices. Not only does a beverage table to the entrance of your ceremony site make the area appear inviting and hospitable, but will also keep everyone standing and alert instead of passed out from heat stroke! Ushers can help pass out beverages to guests as they are seated in the ceremony area.

lemonade-and-water-bar

Take it a step further and also have water bottles at each seat. Some guests may pass on the beverage canisters, but once they’re sitting and you’re midway through the seven circles, someone will no doubt start getting thirsty and kick themselves for not getting a drink when they could. Therefore, have mini water bottles ready for such instances tucked under each chair to stay in the shade. What a happy little discovery that will be when thirsty Uncle Murray notices his treasure of H20.

If you anticipate that your wedding will be on a toasty day — July weddings, well, everywhere tend to be that way — you may want to let your guests know that part or all of your wedding day will be outside so that they’ll know how to dress. This information can be relayed on your wedding website if you choose to make one. Also, you can remind friends and family you speak to before the wedding that they should dress lightly.

If your ceremony is in an open space, make sure to ask your venue or rental company about overhead, free-standing umbrellas to cover the area with shade. Your guests will be sitting for 20 or so minutes and will roast under the sun if they don’t have any shade. A little bit of coverage can make such a big difference in the high temperatures, so for the sake of their comfort, coordinating umbrella rentals is a good idea.

wedding-ceremony-umbrellas

And don’t forget that you need to drink a lot of water on your wedding day!! You are running around, busier than you can imagine, and full of excitement. Make sure you get enough liquids because the last think you need is to accessorize your wedding dress with some IV bags in the emergency room. We don’t need to sound like your Jewish mother, but eat! Drink water! And don’t overdo it with the alcohol, as it won’t help you in the least on a hot day.

keeping-hydrated-on-your-wedding-day

But what if it’s spicy hot on your honeymoon? Oh, well then, by all means, keep turnin’ up the heat!

A Mother’s Tale: Shopping For The Right MOB Dress

Posted on May 16, 2012 by Alison in Planning, Tales from the Veil

As the mother of the groom four years ago, Ellen had a great experience. Her son and daughter-in-law helped to keep her involved in all aspects of the wedding planning, and she thoroughly enjoyed the experience. As the mother of the bride, she is using her organizational skills to help her daughter plan the wedding of her dreams. Now that both she and her daughter have found their dresses, and all of the vendors have been booked, she patiently awaits the day when both of her children will be married to the loves of their lives……and taken care of. Whew!!

Finding the perfect dress for your daughter’s (or son’s) wedding can sometimes be quite challenging. In my case, I was able to find the dress for my son’s wedding with relative ease. I’m not quite sure if it was because I was four years younger or perhaps fifteen pounds lighter.

Either way, I went to one bridal shop, saw exactly what I was looking for, ordered it in my size, and three months later, discovered that it fit me perfectly on the first fitting. Job done; spectacular wedding over!

On my son's wedding day, I wore this turquoise Alfred Angelo 2-piece gown.

As Mother of the Groom, with the happy couple (the bride is The Wedding Yenta!) and my daughter who's now the bride-to-be!

This time around, my daughter is getting married, and it has not been so easy. I spent hours scouring the internet by Googling MOB dresses, and what came up consistently disappointed me. The floor length dresses I looked at were either: 1) way too frumpy, looking like dresses for the grandmother of the bride instead of the mother, or 2) far too youthful-looking. Now I pride myself on having a pretty youthful outlook on life in general, but I certainly don’t want to be one of those moms whose attempts to be fashionable have her looking like her daughter’s best friend instead of her mother.

My daughter and I have a great time together, and we’re very close, but the fact is, I’m her mother not her friend… and I’m 62, not 26! Where were the dresses that looked age-appropriate, yet fashionable and in good taste?

My daughter and I always have a fun time together and wedding planning is no different!

I started hitting some of the retail department stores like Nordstrom or Neiman Marcus, and I actually found a couple of dresses that fit the bill only to discover that they would have maybe one dress in that style or color in all of my area, and it was three sizes too big. The store’s seamstress assured me that taking in that much material would destroy the integrity of the dress. Back to the drawing board — or the shopping board in my case.

Finally, I realized what I needed to do. I gathered information from my extensive search and discovered a common thread. Most of the dresses that I was drawn to were from the same bridal company. And, coincidentally (or maybe not), it was the same company that had made the dress that I’d worn to my son’s wedding. BINGO! I realized that they had a company store about 45 minutes from where I live. I was able to make an appointment online (I love the Internet!), and when I walked in, there were several dresses for me to choose from. Some were too frumpy, and some were, in fact, too youthful. But there were also some very lovely dresses that were appropriate for me. I got to choose my color (the beauty of bridal salons as opposed to department stores or boutiques), and bam! I’d found the dress.

It will be ready in eight weeks, and with any luck, it’ll be right after the first fitting. Or maybe not. There are those extra fifteen pounds. I’d better get busy losing them… only six months to go!

Flower Girl Inspiration

Posted on May 14, 2012 by Alison in Inspiration Boards, Planning

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO ENTER TO WIN! Don’t forget to get your entry in so you can win a fabulous flower hair accessory from Fascinate Me! The giveaway is going on now through May 14th at 11:59 p.m. PST, and you can enter with a comment about your favorite piece on the Fascinate Me Facebook page AND The Wedding Yentas post here for a maximum of two entries! The winner, who will be chosen at random, will be announced May 15th. Read here for all the juicy details!

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Baby Yenta is going to be a flower girl in her aunt’s wedding this October and since she’s just started crawling, she’s becoming more and more like a real person. So, it’s hard to believe that time will fly and by the fall, she’ll be just a little over a year old and most likely cruisin’ around. Since she has her dad’s long legs (and really, what nice Jewish girl can complain?), the cruisin’ will be actually more like sprinting. Please be kind to us, Baby Yenta.

So, thinking ahead to all the flower girl fun, I decided to mentally prepare myself for my baby becoming a little girl. Emotional roller coaster aside, there is so much fabulousness to look forward to!

Flower girls in general are just darling. It’s enough to make the old ladies plotz and the mamas kvell. Meanwhile, dads are probably buying the most complicated combination lock ever made for a door so his baby girl can never leave the house and grow up. Apparently they do that. Grow up.

There’s so much to love about flower girl style. Let’s gush.

The most exciting part of a flower girl’s duties is wearing the beautiful flower girl dress! The girls can match the bride, wear the bridesmaids’ color, or even don sneakers and a tutu! There are no rules — just mandatory adorableness.

Top Row Left to Right: Charlotte Geary Photography, via Elizabeth Anne Designs, via Little White Book
Bottom Row Left to Right: via Events by Design, Nancy Neil Photography, via The Knot

Flower girls are cute by themselves, but the way they accessorize is bonus points for cuteness! Whether it’s method of flower-girling (basket, ribbons, or pomander?) or hair beautification, if you need a little inspiration, here are adorable ideas!

Top Row Left to Right: via Intimate Weddings, via AnnouncementsGalore.com
Bottom Row Left to Right: via On The Way To I Do, Photig Wedding and Portrait Photography, via On The Way To I Do

Kids are funny. They say and do the darndest things, right Bill Cosby? Make sure your fabulous photographer snaps some shots of your flower girl doing what she does best: cute!

Top Row Left to Right: Browers Photography, via Favim.com
Bottom Row Left to Right: via HP.com, Charlotte Geary Photography, Corey Ann Photography

Signing The Ketubah: The Basics

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Alison in Planning

Don’t forget to get your entry in so you can win a fabulous flower hair accessory from Fascinate Me! The giveaway is going on now through May 14th at 11:59 p.m. PST, and you can enter with a comment about your favorite piece on the Fascinate Me Facebook page AND The Wedding Yentas post here for a maximum of two entries! The winner, who will be chosen at random, will be announced May 15th. Read here for all the juicy details!

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Just when you think you’ve handed out the honors to your inner circle by asking them to be in your wedding party, you realize there’s still another honor to bestow on two lucky individuals: signing the ketubah.

This portion of your wedding day olympics is technically the Jewish marriage that makes the whole thing official, so bringing in people to witness and sign your marriage document is quite the honor.

Every ketubah must be signed by two witnesses and these people can double dip their honors by being part of your wedding party or they can be two entirely different people. According to Jewish law, the two ketubah signers must be Jewish and unrelated to the couple by blood (sisters and brothers-in-law are technically allowed to sign). Depending on the ketubah text and the couple’s Jewish affiliation, the ketubah signers will most likely sign their names in Hebrew. Give your witnesses advance notice to find out their Hebrew names so they can bring them to the ceremony. The rabbi can also help them write their names in Hebrew if they need help. After all, it’s probably been a while since their bar or bat mitzvah!

Make sure to let your ketubah signers know when and where they need to be before the official start time of the wedding. The ketubah ceremony takes place before the chuppah ceremony and it’s usually in a more private area of the wedding venue. Don’t forget to tell them where to be and when — it’s an easy detail to overlook, especially since you’ll be there no matter what. Well, hopefully.

Really take the time to decide on your ketubah signers. Their signatures will be on your ketubah forever and are a big part of your Jewish law marriage. Fleeting friends are probably not the best choices for this big honor. Still, you can be creative and thoughtful in the way you ask them! A personal note, a phone call, a gift with clues in the mail — you can’t go wrong! Letting them know it’s important to you is the main idea and your ketubah signers will be very flattered that you want them to be part of such an exclusive and meaningful part of your wedding day.

Your ketubah will be beautiful and it will be even more meaningful when your signatures are in the good company of two people who hold a special place in your heart!