Category Archives: Planning

Having a {Tzedakah} Ball of a Time

Posted on May 2, 2012 by Alison in Featured, Planning

Don’t forget to get your entry in so you can win a fabulous flower hair accessory from Fascinate Me! The giveaway is going on now through May 14th at 11:59 p.m. PST, and you can enter with a comment about your favorite piece on the Fascinate Me Facebook page AND The Wedding Yentas post here for a maximum of two entries! The winner, who will be chosen at random, will be announced May 15th. Read here for all the juicy details!

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Rachel Kitt is not just a regular contributor to The Wedding Yentas and a former bride who planned a fabulous Jewish destination wedding in Hawaii. She also wears many important hats at the Jewish Federation of San Diego County and has just completed planning Tzedakah Ball, a fundraising event attended by San Diego’s finest! Here, Rachel recaps the successful night and feels like a recovering bride all over again since the experience rivaled a wedding! After all that, Rachel and all her colleagues deserve their own honeymoon! The Wedding Yentas sends big rounds of mazels to Jewish Federation of San Diego County and all their partners, donors, and attendees!

Just like a wedding, a fundraising gala requires a fabulous venue, great entertainment, an experienced photographer, and amazing event staff.

This year, in my role at the Jewish Federation of San Diego County, I had the pleasure of organizing the fifth annual Tzedakah Ball: A Fundraising Gala on Saturday, April 28 at the NTC Promenade in Point Loma. As San Diego’s premier Jewish philanthropic gala for young adults, we were able to raise $10,734! That is enough to provide 618 food packages to the elderly in the former Soviet Union, or; 263 months/22 years of medication for a child with asthma, or; 15 shipments of supplies for Jewish kindergarteners in Poland. Thanks to a $5,000 challenge grant for One Happy Camper, we were also able to raise enough money to send five local kids to Jewish camp for the first time, this summer.

As a bride expecting hundreds of guests, you might be considering a full scale wedding coordinator, or a day-of point person to deal with the little things. Tzedakah Ball’s hostess-with-the-mostest was the event chair, Hilary Srole, who was also my partner in crime, and we were backed up by an incredible committee.

JDate was our event corporate sponsor, though the event was not only for singles. We gave away two 6-month memberships to JDate to some very excited attendees! Thank you to JDate for your support of this philanthropic event! It’s only a matter of time until those two new members make their profiles, start the dating, get engaged, and begin wedding planning with The Wedding Yentas! JDaters, we’re here for you when you’re ready, over here in Yenta Land!

While gambling may not be ideal for your wedding day, I can assure you that when the day comes that you are planning a big event, casino games from these NY sites are the way to go. Full-House Casino provided professional quality casino games and knowledgeable staff. The craps table was constantly full, with some of our guests going on impossibly long rolls and winning hundreds of dollars of casino money to be turned into tickets to the opportunity drawing. The roulette table allowed our guests to gamble on red or black, or pick their favorite number to bet on. And of course, the black jack tables were packed, with attendees doubling-down and winning big, all night long.

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A popular modern wedding tradition is to serve a specialty drink that represents you and your fiancé at your wedding. Similarly, at Tzedakah Ball, we had some clever drinks to both entertain and keep our guests entertaining. We served the Tzedakahtini, the Mazelrita, and the One Happy Cocktail. It kept our attendees dancing and gambling the night away!

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A simple must-have at any wedding is a photo booth. I was excited to work with Happy Foto Booth, a collaborator with The Wedding Yentas, who really brought a lot of fun to the event! There were multiple props like funny glasses to silly hats that the guests could choose from. Even something as simple as having a black & white or color photo option was clutch to satisfying guests with a fun time and a take-home memento. There was a constant rumble to get inside the booth, especially as the bar stayed open. Photo booths are such a fun addition to every event!

We could not have been more thrilled with our DJ at Tzedakah Ball! If you are looking for a DJ, look no further than San Diego’s own Dee-Jay B-Real! A big thank you goes to him for blasting great hits. Guests danced the night away, especially as we got into the wee hours. The dancing really got underway as soon as the casino closed down, and the attendees realized that the opportunity drawing for a Kindle Fire, iPad3, JDate memberships, and gift cards was around the corner. A break dancing dance-off brought down the house and turned dancing for fun into a competition for bragging rights. We wish this kind of dance floor fun on all Yentas’ weddings!

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A big thank you goes to our other event vendors: Event Supplier Inc. beautifully covered our tables and belly bars with linens. Ron Manahan of Studio 52 Photography did an amazing job documenting the night. From the action shots at the craps table to dancing photos, and capturing the excitement of our opportunity drawing winners, the photos really captured the essence of the event. Wolfpack Sign Group did an amazing job producing all of the event posters.

Brides, whether you are getting married in San Diego, Orange County, or across the world, I can assure you that quality and experience are two of the most important things to look for in your vendors. Tzedakah Ball was successful in large part due to the reliability and excellence of each and every one of our event professionals. A big thank you to all of our amazing vendors, staff, and volunteers!

Want to see more photos of this event on Facebook? Click here.

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Coordinator: Jewish Federation of San Diego County
Venue: NTC at Liberty Station
Event Partner: One Happy Camper
Event Partner: JDate
Photo Booth: Happy Foto Booth
DJ: Dee-Jay B-Real
Linens: Event Supplier Inc
Casino: Full-House Casino
Photographer: Ron Manahan/Studio 52 Photography
Signage: Wolfpack Sign Group

Yours, Mine, and Ours — Oy!

Posted on April 26, 2012 by Alison in From the Expert, Inside Scoop, Planning

Unlike Tevye’s daughters in “Fiddler on the Roof,” you don’t exactly need a dowry and probably already have your own apartment or home filled with furniture, dishes, and tchotchkes galore. Odds are you’ve been living on your own for quite some time and have your own way of doing things.

With all the excitement of planning a wedding and the anticipation of the big day, you might not have thought about how you will merge two homes into one. It’s quite possible that between you exist duplicates of everyday living, such as small appliances, flat-screen TVs, and the cushy sofa you snuggle up on to watch Mad Men.

Here are some ideas to help you blend your two homes into one and survive the process without coming to blows. I think we all remember the famous “wagon-wheel” coffee table scene from the movie, When Harry Met Sally, and would do anything to avoid that situation.

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Compromise is an integral ingredient of a successful marriage and communication is key. Figure out which items are most important to you, what you are willing to let go, and be sensitive to your partner’s desires as well.

What to Keep/What to Donate/Sell
Take a full inventory of both homes to identify duplicates. Try to be objective and figure which items will fit best in your new space, and how they will be used. This can really come in handy as you develop your bridal registry. No sense in having something in triplicate. I recommend taking measurements of large furniture (sofas, tables, chairs) to determine which pieces will fit best in your new home.

Be sensible: keep the newer, small appliances and donate the old toaster, can opener, etc. Be sensitive, too, if your partner just loves the coffee mug with his fraternity logo; it’s okay to keep it. Don’t sweat the small stuff!

Anything you don’t keep can be sold or donated. If you have the time and an accessible yard or driveway holding a garage sale could be fun. If that doesn’t float your boat, Craigslist is a good place to sell just about anything. Things that don’t sell can be donated to the charity of your choice. The National Council of Jewish Women will come and pick up your items.
To schedule a pick-up call 1-800-400-6259 or visit their website.

Household Chores/Bill Paying
The unfortunate truth is that our daily lives are filled with many mundane tasks. Identifying who does what and choosing the tasks you like to do can make life so much easier. Sit down with your fiance and make a list of household chores. Talk about how each of you currently accomplish these tasks and which ones you like and don’t like to do. Maybe one person likes to pay bills while the other one is happy to do the dishes.

Home Organization
Think of your new home as the foundation of your new life together. With the infrastructure in place, maintaining a sense of order and organization will be so much easier.

Essentially, everything needs a home and like-items go together. This really applies to every area of the home. The pantry is a good example. Set up zones with categorical items: baking, pasta/sauces; canned goods; cereals/breakfast items; spices/oils/vinegars; cookies/candy/desserts, etc. Creating zones in your pantry cuts down on overbuying at the grocery store.

This philosophy can applied to any area where items are stored: wardrobe closet, linen closet, drawers, and under the sink. If all your black pants are hanging next to each other it makes it easier to find them and pretty obvious that you don’t need another pair!

Files Instead of Piles
With mail coming in for two things can pile up quickly. Papers need a home, too. You can certainly maintain two sets of files but I would recommend merging household files, such as insurance, shared credit cards, etc. If you decide to merge your household files, be sure to agree on the name of file so you both can retrieve information. For example, create a tab called AUTO and have two files, one with the name of your car and the other with the name of your finance’s car.

Going through this process before you are married will save time, money, and aggravation later. With a little upfront planning, merging your two homes into one will be a breeze. Take the time to set up your foundation and enjoy the results.

Follow my motto: organize to simplify, and have more time for the fun stuff.

Cindy Kamm has been an organizing specialist since 2003. A former marketing professional, Cindy brings her passion for organizing to homes and offices in greater L.A. Customized solutions are created for each client, designed to fit with their personality and lifestyle. From kitchens to closets, no job is too big or too small. Cindy can be reached at 310-963-5826; cindy@details-etc.com; www.details-etc.com.

Tales From The Veil: Learning From Other Weddings

Posted on April 23, 2012 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning, Tales from the Veil

Another “Tales from the Veil” story is brought to us by Rachel Kitt who is the Executive Assistant at the Jewish Federation of San Diego County. She loves to run competitively and for pleasure, bake gluten-free sweets, and hang out with her hubby, a San Diego attorney. After eloping to the island of Oahu in December of 2007, Rachel finds herself looking back on her Jewish destination wedding adventure and laughing out loud. Her story will show you how any bride can take wedding disasters and turn them into wedded bliss. Lemons into lemonade. Grapes into Manischewitz. We’ll be hearing more from Rachel as a regular contributor to The Wedding Yentas.

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Once upon a time, your first girlfriend got engaged and you were, shall we say, hmmmmm, a tad jealous. Not jealous, like, you are angry with her. But more like, seriously, why can’t the boyfriend hurry up and propose so you could be the one in her shoes. We may not admit it out loud, but we’ve been there. Anyway, you sucked it up (or drank some wine) and a year or so later, you went to your friend’s happy occasion. You thought, “the flowers are so pretty” and “wow, look at her dress.” Maybe you were thinking, “yikes, I wish the food tasted better.” But mostly, you thought about how beautiful it all was. How happy you were for your girlfriend! And then with each friend’s wedding, the cycle continued and continued and continued.

Until the day you got engaged.

The day you get engaged definitely changed your life, but you also began to see weddings you attended in a whole new light. Instead of “wow, she looks beautiful!” you started thinking “hmmmm, that looks good, but maybe I’ll do looser curls.” When you saw the bridesmaids, you thought “ooh, knee length looks less formal! I like that!” or “do I want a black-tie wedding?”

Me as a bridesmaid with my sister-in-law at her and my brother's wedding.

What I’m trying to say is that your weddings of your friends and family will be more than just their special day: it will be a walk-through for you. A mini trial. It’s a free and safe test run. You need to not only enjoy the festivities, but take note of what you liked and didn’t like.

When I was engaged, I actually would go home after a wedding and write down what I liked and didn’t like. You know, it’s almost like a real, live (but private) Pinterest. It’s not a critique on your friend’s wedding, or anything personal about her. It’s not about your friends, the bride and groom, at all, actually. It’s about you getting real world experience from a guest’s perspective with a bridal point of view. You may have never thought twice — or even once! — about the difference between passed hors d’ oeuvres versus an appetizer station. Food was food and you were eating it. But now, with a wedding to plan, you are thinking more about these very decisions you’ll have to make yourself.

My husband and I with our friends Lindsey and Jody at their beautiful wedding in 2010.

So go in there with an agenda. Borrow your friend’s experience. And when your wedding day comes, hopefully you won’t realize it, but rest assured that as you are walking down the aisle, at least one of your girlfriends will probably be looking around and thinking, “I love the flowers she chose!” or “Wow, natural looking make-up is the way to go!”

From The Expert: 3 Tips For Creating Your Own Interfaith Ceremony

Posted on April 19, 2012 by Alison in From the Expert, Jewish Traditions, Planning

Daniel Sroka is the artist and owner of Modern Ketubah. He creates modern fine art wedding ketubahs from his abstract photographs of flowers and leaves for interfaith, Jewish, and multi-cultural couples. The first ketubah he ever made was for his own wedding. He and his then-fiance, Cara, wanted to make sure they loved the artwork to proudly hang it in their home, and they also wanted to be sure that the text and symbolism was meaningful, especially as an interfaith couple. They decided that his fine art photography would be the ideal style to express their marriage, as many other ketubahs they saw while shopping were adorned with Jewish symbols, and did not match their taste or represent them equally. Since then, Daniel has successfully built a ketubah business that honors individual style and spirituality.

Interfaith weddings represent a beautiful moment: the joining of two families with different traditions into one. This gives interfaith couples the opportunity to create a wedding ceremony that not only appeals to them artistically, but also symbolizes how their marriage brings together their religions and backgrounds.

When my customers ask me for advice on how to create an interfaith ceremony, I usually give them a few pieces of advice:
(1) Make no assumptions about what should be in the ceremony.
(2) Be ready to compromise, discuss, and learn.
(3) Remember that while you are trying to honor your families and religions, be sure to create a ceremony that is meaningful to you personally.

Make no assumptions: We all grow up with ideas of what a wedding should look like, grounded partly in our religion and the weddings we attended as children, and partly in the glamorous depictions of Hollywood. But when you create your own ceremony, be ready to set these ideas aside and start from scratch. Don’t assume that your partner shares your same romanticized vision. What you consider essential to a wedding might be something that he or she can’t stand. So while these ideas can influence you, and help guide you, don’t assume that your wedding must follow those patterns.

Be ready to compromise and learn: I always recommend that a couple write down their ideas of what should be in a wedding, and then go through them step by step and explain to each other the meaning and importance of each. This is especially important for religious traditions that your partner may have no understanding of. Be patient, and be open-minded. When my wife and I did this, we began to realize that some traditions we originally considered essential really had no meaning once we tried to explain them. And other traditions we never paid attention to suddenly became very meaningful and important. So be ready to compromise, and be ready to learn how to balance each others’ needs, concerns and ideas. Creating this wedding is one of your first big challenges as an interfaith couple.

Artist Daniel Sroka and his bride with their interfaith ketubah he created.

Remember that the ceremony is about you: Families can put a lot of pressure on a couple, especially when they are interfaith. Consciously or not, your family will try to influence what should be in your wedding. This can be a good thing, especially when they help you understand and explain your traditions. But it can also become an unnecessary burden. Grandma won’t come to a wedding that doesn’t have a chuppah. Your father won’t be happy unless he walks you down the aisle alone. Aunt Sally insists that a valid wedding must be held in a church. Subtle demands and suggestions can start to overwhelm you! But don’t let these family pressures dictate what your wedding should be like. Remember that this is your ceremony, the start of your marriage. Your family is important, but they are there for you, not the other way around. Listen to their concerns, be don’t feel obligated to them.

While an interfaith wedding can often feel like a diplomatic mission between warring factions, it doesn’t need to be. It can really be a way to introduce both sides of your family to the traditions and religion of their new in-laws. When my wife and I got married, we created a ceremony that combined both her Jewish and my Catholic traditions, while also introducing some new traditions and ideas of our own. This combined ceremony worked to bring our two families together in a beautiful and special way. Each side could relate to part of the ceremony, and also share the experience of something new. We explained the traditions throughout the ceremony in simple terms so that everyone could appreciate the parts they weren’t familiar with. We worked carefully with our rabbi and priest to make sure the ceremony came together as a whole, and that no one felt left out or confused. And in the end, our families loved it as much as we did. It was as much a celebration of our new marriage, as it was of our families and traditions that helped make us who we are. It let us honor our religions and families while defining our own newly combined values, and began to establish what it would mean to live together as an interfaith couple.

Wedding Invitations: A Step By Step Guide

Posted on April 16, 2012 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning

Out of all your wedding tasks you have to accomplish, ordering and organizing wedding invitations may seem like the biggest headache. It may not be the most glamorous task (oo la la, dress shopping!) or the yummiest (cake tasting for the win!), but it’s a really important one. After all, how else are your guests going to know when and where to show up on your big day? It’s the foundation of your wedding day and can even set the tone for what guests can expect.

Want the scoop on the process? Here’s a breakdown before you have a breakdown.

Get Organized:
Before you even have to pick out your invitations, you have to pick out the people you want to receive them. Start early and start collecting addresses once you’ve finalized your guest list. Keep an organized spreadsheet and have it handy because once you receive your ready invitations, you’ll need to mail them out and the last thing you want to do is catalog addresses because it’ll slow your process down.

Plan Out:
If your wedding is Fall of 2012, you might think you have tons of time. It’s only April! What’s the rush? The wedding is the end of October! You have six-ish months! Right? WRONG! Work backwards. You need to mail out the invitations six to eight weeks before your wedding date. (late August/early September). Prior to that, you’ll need to assemble the invitations (may take a week). Before that, you’ll have order the invitations and they will take some time come in (sometimes four to six weeks depending on the vendor or manufacturer). That brings you to ordering in early July. Searching for the perfect invitation won’t be an instant task, either. You’ll look at many samples or visit many boutiques or designers. Take your time to shop. Give yourself at least a month. So now you’re looking at starting in June. It’s April now. Need I say more?

Play it extra safe and assume something will go wrong. I know, what happened to the optimistic Yenta? You never know! The manufacturer could go under (yay economy!) or there could be a typo on your response card. You never know. Don’t wait until the last minute to place your oder in case you have to make a quick reorder.

Search According To Your Budget:
Invitations work the same way as shopping for your dress: don’t fall in love with something out of your budget. If you can’t put down the cash for the Monique, by all means, don’t try on the Monique (I know, it’s so hard, but this is for your sanity). It’s no different with your invitations. If you know you can’t have letterpress printing in your budget, don’t even look at samples with such deliciously beautiful and drool-worthy fine details. You don’t want to have to overspend on invitations and you definitely don’t want to have to go take away from another area of your budget in order to have the suite you — oops! — fell in love with. Be up front with your invitation consultant about your budget and be sure to stick to it. If the consultant or designer tries to upsell you, it’s disrespectful and you should not continue with their services.

If you have no budget to speak of and money is of no object, well, by all means, why are we not friends? I like Marc Jacobs and I wear a size 8 shoe.

Shop By Feature:
Ask yourself: what’s the one element your invitation absolutely must have? A specific color? A design? A paper size or shape? Pick that one element and shop by that one element. In a perfect world, that one element complements your overall wedding style. Let’s face it, there are lots of pretty invitations to choose from, but if you select all the ones you like, you’ll never pick THE one. If it’s a turquoise and white color them you’re going for, that means you will shop invitations with only that theme. If you’re working with a designer who’s making a custom suite for you, feel free to bring pictures with you to share the features you like. Many wedding invitation websites allow you to search by feature as well, so utilize that convenience. A personal favorite is Wedding Paper Divas. Don’t get sidetracked and distracted by other — oooo!! Shiny invitations with rhinestones!!! You’ll be married before your invitations even go out. Get it?

Invest In Samples:
Once you’ve narrowed down your top picks, and I mean, tip top tippy-top picks (top three?), order samples. This way, you can touch your paper, feel the print, smell that fresh new paper smell — mmmmmmm. This is your invitation test drive. Get to know and love it because once it’s out of your hands, it’s hanging on someone’s fridge.

Overall, you’ll just feel better about your order because you courted before your committed. Hopefully you did the same thing with the fiance, yes?

Decisions Beyond Invitations:
Remember, you’re not just mailing an invitation. You’re mailing an envelope, a response card, maybe a directions insert, and so on. Oh yes, and are you choosing to line your envelopes? What about an outer fancy shmancy envelope? These are the big decisions, people! Don’t forget to weigh your priorities. That outer envelope with the guests’ name and address contains another big envelope which has the real good inside that one. Do you really need the outer envelope? It’s formal and it looks cool and who doesn’t like opening multiple envelopes from one mailing? But, not only does it give you more glue to lick, but it also will cost you an additional amount. The add-ons and extra components require you to do a little more research, so just when you think you’ve selected the invitation itself, you still have to settle on a couple more choices.

But wait! There’s more! Many designers also happen to have paper for other uses in each invitation line. Everything from table numbers to escort cards to thank you notes. Do you want to tie in your entire suite with what your guests see at the wedding? Some may say, “Oh, who’s going to remember the invitation once they’re at the wedding anyway?” I can’t answer that question for you, but you can at least weigh in and make that decision. This can be seen as a convenience or as an added expense. Up to you.

Decide On The Amount:
Here’s where you do some math. Remember your guest list that you compiled at the beginning of this exercise? Count up your guest list by household. Not people, but each address. Aunt Ruthie and Uncle Murray count as two people for your caterer, yes, but they are really only one combined person — or household — for your invitation order. Don’t assume the guest list equals the amount of invitations you should order. You’ll end up ordering about double of what you actually need!

Then, you’ll actually order about 15% more than the actual amount of households that will receive invitations. You may have last minute additions to who you want to invite or you might want to activate the [gulp] B List for those who can’t make it from the A List. Hey, it happens. The good ol’ trusty USPS may lose some in the mail or your friend moved and didn’t bother to tell you her new address, so you’ll have to resend some. Also, you or your parents may want to keep some invitations for scrap books or photo albums, so you’ll need some extras.

Proof ‘Em:
There is absolutely nothing more atrocious than placing your order, receiving your oder a month later, and finding that you are apparently marrying Wilma instead of William. Oy vey. Proof the invitations before you send the OK to print. Proofreading does not mean reading them over and giving a nod of approval. Proofreading is executing the following tasks:

Read it to yourself.
Read it out loud.
Take a sheet of notebook paper with holes and slide the hole over the line of print so as to isolate every. individual. word. on. the. invitation. Any mistake that’s there will stand out at you!
Double check that the names and places are spelled correctly, addresses are listed correctly, numbers are ordered correctly, and basic English mechanics like commas and apostrophes are inserted correctly. It’s also a good idea to quadruple check that the wedding date and time are correct as well. You know, only a little important.

Celebrate:
You have placed your invitation order! Make another check on your list and breathe because this one was a doozy.

And then it’s time to move on to the next item.