Category Archives: Inside Scoop

What Should You Do When Guests Don’t RSVP To Your Wedding?

Posted on November 14, 2012 by Alison in Ask The Yentas, Inside Scoop

Remember those nights you spent on Illustrator designing your perfect wedding invitation? Remember the days off work you took to purchase your papers and embelishments and create prototypes? Remember the episodes of Grey’s Anatomy you half-watched while you assembled each and every element of your printed invitation into its coordinating lined envelope? Oh wait, who am I kidding, you would never only half-watch Grey’s. Okay, so shows your fiance watches that you couldn’t care less about? Probably more like that.

Point is, you spent a lot of time creating an invitation suite that would represent you as a couple and the style of wedding you are planning. Plus, your blood, sweat, and tears went into this expensive DIY project! Or, maybe you ordered them through a professional company and spent the bucks to mail out formal letterpress invitations to all 80 households.

So, what chutzpah to have a few dangling responders who’ve not yet sent in their reply a couple handfuls of days before the wedding! If you’re foaming at the mouth about this, it’s okay. You’re entitled and it’s safe to bet all Yentas would feel the same way.

It’s so simple: a household receives the invitation to your wedding. There’s an RSVP deadline. The household should send in their reply — yes or no — by the deadline. Done. Easy. No brainer. Unfortunately, you can’t expect everyone to be so considerate. So, what do you do when guests don’t RSVP to your wedding?

What you shouldn’t do is blast your frustration on Facebook. Passive aggressive never looks flattering on a bride. Stick to white and lace. Emailing seems like a good idea, but if the household was unable to reply with tangible, paper mail, it’s safe to bet that easy-to-forget and out-of-the-way electronic mail won’t make it through their eyes, out their fingers, and into your account. Also, IMs won’t do because many people leave their IM clients on even when they’re not at the computer and it’s possible they’ll miss it, so skip the GChat check-in with the absent RSVPer.

Go the old fashioned way: there was a time long, long ago when people used these things called — say it with me — “telephones” to — are you ready? — “speak.” Yes, they’d pick up a phone and dial a number and then both voices would communicate. I suggest this method.

So who calls? Whoever in your immediate family “owns” the dangling RSVP should make the call. If it’s your future father-in-law’s college sit-in buddy from back in the day when they worshipped Jerry with the rest of the Deadheads, have him call and find out what the status is (hopefully the status is not “still following The Dead.”). If it’s your sorority sister who has pregnancy brain and can’t seem to remember to even feed herself day to day, give her a ring. If it’s your mom’s mah jongg pal who’s busy organizing the temple’s upcoming tournament, then your mom should make the call. Bottomline: getting a reply will be much more effective if the TBD invitee hears from his or her connection to your wedding. Sometimes our parents invite people we don’t even know to our weddings and they might get the invitation in the mail and think “WHO’S marrying WHO????” And if, by chance, it’s one of your friends who is holding the RSVP card hostage (as if!), then you can call or ask your MOH to call. It’s very likely that you’ll be stressed about a zillion other things so close to the wedding date, and this is the kind of thing you can count on your MOH handling because she’s calm, dependable, and supportive — reasons why you picked her!

If anything, these calls can be a confirmation that 1) the guest even received the invitation; 2) the guest mailed it in, but maybe something went wrong?; 3) the guest is intending to come and with the invited people or person the invitation was addressed to. This helps clear the guest’s assumption that an invitation addressed to him doesn’t include his newest floozy of a fling, her daughter, and her daughter’s BFF. Unless, of course, you want all of them at your wedding… ahem. Whatever. No judging here…

Always make sure to check with your venue or catering company when they need a final headcount and calculate that date into your RSVP deadline. Make your deadline a week before that final headcount is due. That way, you have a buffer of time between when you need to know and OMG WHEN YOU NEED TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take comfort in knowing, though, that unless you’re getting married on the top of Mt. Everest, it’s very likely that your venue or caterer will be able to accommodate those who show up that day without an RSVP (I am not talking about wedding crashers/people you didn’t invite). They might bill you after the fact, but they usually have extra food on hand for this precise occurrence.

At the end of the day, it’s okay to be frustrated when your invited guests don’t take the 32 seconds to fill out the RSVP card and pay $0.00 to mail you back the response. But, just know that everything is fixable and once you get over the principle of it all, you really will enjoy the big day no matter who is there.

Bow Tying The Knot

Posted on November 5, 2012 by Alison in Featured, Inside Scoop, Planning, Same Sex Love

We devote so much time to bridal fashions. From heels to lace to hair, so much of our girl squealing is about what the bride wears on her wedding day. But, what about the groom? Or, as in the case of last week’s adorable engagement shoot, the grooms?

The groom’s options are rarely as bountiful as the bride’s. Variations on tuxedos are slim compared to the many choices a bride has in dress styles, materials, cuts, adornments, and colors. Sure, there are different lapels or threads for suits and tuxedos, but to the naked eye, a tux is a tux. One way to really spice up the groom’s look is with the tie around his neck. Bow ties, especially, provide timeless and classy style, but why go with a plain black or ivory bow tie when there are stylish and colorful options available?

The Tie Bar has been endorsed by GQ Magazine and — here’s one more for the count — The Wedding Yentas! — as a style guide for men’s fashions. The Tie Bar has furnished accessories for some pretty dreamy celebs, too, including Ryan Gosling (hel-lo?! ‘Nuff said!), Paul Rudd (my personal favorite as he is #1 on The List. Yes, Husband Yenta knows), and John Hamm (going mad for that man?). While all these men are prominent in Hollywood, there’s one guy who knows how to pair fashion and activism and that is Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

I’ve actually met him a couple times and I’m a total fan girl. Not only am I a supreme wedding junkie, but I’m a total theatre nerd, and I’ve seen him on stage in a Broadway show and even in the audience at my local community theater where we have cheered on mutual friends. So, needless to say, I give Jesse Tyler Ferguson a big thumbs up on his work and his fashion. We’ve seen him rock the bow tie several times as himself and as the beloved “Mitchell” on TV’s Modern Family, but he rocks for another reason.

Ferguson and his fiance, attorney Justin Mikita, have partnered with The Tie Bar for a fundraiser that beats any corner lemonade stand or high school car wash. They’re goin’ big! They’ve created Tie The Knot, a cause that, in association with The Tie Bar, creates stylish bow ties with all proceeds from the sale going directly to various organizations across the country, currently in the trenches fighting for civil rights.

According to the Facebook page of Tie the Knot, the goal is clear: “to achieve marriage equality throughout the United States and to look damn good while doing it.”

Tie the Knot releases seasonal bow tie collections through The Tie Bar that are inspired by art, pop culture, and fashion. Unlike boring bow ties, each carefully created design will only be available for a limited amount of time to promote uniqueness and individuality.

Ferguson and Mikita even created an adorable video with information about the cause and the bow ties. You can check it out on the Tie the Knot web site or view it here! It’s short and sweet. Very sweet!

A groom who wants to look good while getting married or support the ability for everyone who’s in love to get married should consider Tie the Knot‘s creations while searching for the final touch on his formal ensemble. Bow ties don’t have to be just for weddings, though! Dapper fellas can bow tie it up for engagement photo shoots, rehearsal dinners, and even the bachelor party. Don’t forget the honeymoon and other fun events that come with newlywed bliss.

Bowties will be hitting The Tie Bar starting November 15, so stay tuned for updates about designs and purchasing by following the Tie The Knot Facebook page. It’s going to be fun to watch what Tie the Knot rolls out because they’ll be created with such care, just like the cause. Just like bubbie makes kugel.

The Wedding Yentas believes in equality for all. And looking swell while supporting, well, that’s a perfect package tied up in a bow!

Send in photos of your dashing beau in a JTF bow tie once they’re available! It would be with great nachus to curate a fabulous gallery of style and support for equality!

It’s Like Raaa-a-aain On Your Wedding Day

Posted on November 1, 2012 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning

Hoping all of you East Coast Yentas are dry, warm, and safe as Sandy leaves her mark as life slowly gets back to normal. That biatch was like the worst kind of wedding crasher: violent, loud, and soggy. Watching coverage of the bad storm and its worse aftermath on the news has been mind blowing. Storms like Sandy are rare to hit in this part of the U.S., but regular, normal rainy day rain is not as uncommon. Sandy-like storms are not a likely occurrence, but it’s more than possible that couples may have to endure the kind of rain that comes down not horizontally and sans the flooding factor, but still makes steam come out of your ears because it’s your wedding day and you imported Chilean flamingoes for your tropical beach nuptials! Humpf!

So, The Wedding Yentas is here to be that annoying silver lining of positive thinking when all you want to do is mope and eat chocolate and play your miniature violin (which you totally deserve to do). The silver lining? Umbrellas!

Say what?

If rain is in the forecast, have a team meeting with your photographer and venue coordinator so you can plan for the best locations for photos. Then, once you’ve determined your dry photo spots, loop in your photographer for ideas about how to include umbrellas or rain slickers. Fun poses, bright colors, personalized props: modeling on a rainy day does not have to be gloomy. Most likely, people will see your photos and think they’re adorable and memorable instead of cookie cutter or generic. Take that, rain! You will not ruin Kodak moments!

Edyta Photography

KGoodPhoto

Pop Quiz: Beautiful, blooming flowers that have cost you some substantial green love oven-like temperatures with matzah-dry air. True or false? FALSE! So, a damp day with clouds overhead and cool, crisp temps are like hugs and kisses to flowers! Be grateful. Your flowers will last longer and thrive in rainy day weather. Droopy, wilting flowers are never what you want to see, and you probably won’t if there’s a sprinkly sky on the day you’ve chosen to furnish your event with arrangements, bouquets, centerpieces, and a chuppah!

Maybe this is TMI, but I’m a sweaty beast if the sun blasts me for more than five minutes. It’s really not pretty. I went to a wedding a few summers ago, got all dolled up, and looked horrible in photos that I viewed after because I had eyeliner smudged and creamy, white moisturizer dripping down my face. And that was only by cocktail hour! It was a hot, hot day and all my hard work to dress up and look good went to waste. I was just a measly guest, so my appearance didn’t really matter, but if I had been the one getting married, I would have looked like a zombie bride on a day that wasn’t Halloween! So, the point to embarrassing myself and telling you this story: cool weather and wet air means dewy, delicious, moisturized skin! Your makeup will go on beautifully and, even more importantly, it will stay on. Take comfort in knowing that the uglier the weather, the prettier you’ll look!

With shoe shots being a must have photo opp, how cute would rainboots be under your dress? We’ve seen everything from classic wedding shoes to Converse to cowboy boots, so why not a little rubber under your gown? With so many cute prints, you could keep your tootsies dry by splashing in wedding day puddles. Buy them just in case. And if it doesn’t rain on your wedding day then I guess, oh well, you’re stuck with really cute boots to wear when there is a drizzle in the air!

via Kate Miller Events

Take your rainy wedding day in stride. If you have a smile on your face and you feel relaxed, everyone will be so impressed with the way you’ve accepted the wedding weather with grace. Being called the opposite of Bridezilla has never been a bad thing for anyone’s ego, right?

Rainy days happen. There might be rain on your romantic, tropical honeymoon where you stay in a straw hut or on your 50th anniversary cruise you take with your mahjongg girls and their husbands. There will probably even be figurative rain in your marriage. But the better you weather the storm, the stronger you come out of it. Rain or shine, you’re marrying your love and that’s what matters most because after that “mazel tov!” you two will be glowing brighter than the sun!

Leslee Mitchell Photography

Wedding Planning and Including Your In-Laws

Posted on October 31, 2012 by Alison in Featured, Inside Scoop, Planning

So, we’re going to assume a few things here first before we get down and dirty on the topic of weddings and in-laws.

1. Your spouse’s parents are still alive.
2. Your spouse has a good (enough) relationship with his parents.
3. Your spouse’s parents are going to be part of the wedding day in any capacity.

That said, you may be wondering how you can include your in-laws in your wedding planning if you and your spouse have a desire to do so. The laws of, oh I don’t know, nature, sometimes dictate that the groom’s parents may pay for a few things here and there — or nothing at all — and just show up to the wedding. But in an effort to maintain a healthy relationship with your in-laws, it might be nice to include them in some aspects of your wedding planning, which may serve as an investment for your future positive relationship with them.

Assuming there’s already a drama-free relationship in place, I think in-laws tend to feel like they want to be included without overstepping bounds. They’re kvelling for the pending nuptials and are just as excited as your parents might be, but aren’t sure how much involvement they should have. So, if you have a nice relationship with them and would like to include them in the wedding planning experience, you can still invite them to share the ride with you while keeping other aspects intimate and special. And scoring extra points never hurt anyone either!

If one or both of your in-laws has a hobby, interest, or trade they’re passionate about, loop them into a similar wedding element. If your mother-in-law spends her weekends out in her garden, she’d probably love to join you at your consultation with your florist. Or if your spouse’s parents love to cook or travel the world trying new delicacies, they would probably be thrilled to attend the food tasting with your caterer if you’re allowed to bring guests. Choose some meetings with your vendors that you think would pique their interest. It’ll be fun and they might have something to bring to the table, too.

Host a dinner at your place for your in-laws and spend the night relaxing and having fun together. You can talk about wedding details over dinner and break out into some in-law bonding discussion. This might also be a good time to weigh in on their table seating opinions. They know their family best and can tell you that Uncle Ira and Aunt Esther are still not on speaking terms from The Great Chanukah Fiasco of 1993 when Uncle Ira took the last big chocolate gelt from the netting bag, and, therefore, should not be seated at the same table. The in-laws can also help you in deciding on some of the music your DJ or band should play that would satisfy their generation’s preferences (I know, the Boomers don’t always love Nicki Minaj unless, of course, the little English girls from YouTube are coming to your wedding). And if you really want to be sleuthy, find out their favorite slow dance song and ask your DJ or band to play it for them at the wedding; it’s a nice touch and they’ll plotz.

You’ve probably heard a dozen times that it’s not a good idea to have a whole entourage attend your dress shopping escapades or fittings. Too many opinions make for a stressed out bride. However, including your spouse’s mother at a wedding dress appointment may be a great way to make her feel loved and part of your inner circle. You know her best, though. If you think she’s going to complain or critique your dream dress, leave the broad at home. On the other hand, if she really just wants to share in the joy of seeing you glow in that three-way mirror with hefty chip clips holding you in, it might make for a fun ladies’ day out. This really depends on your overall relationship with her because, as you know, traditionally your dress is sacred and only your most favorite gals get to be a part of this most bridal experience. You be the judge.

Bottomline, you want to bridge the gap between the sets of parents and try to make everyone feel included based on your comfort level. None of this is required. These are simply ideas for fostering already in-tact relationships. Your friendly neighborhood Wedding Yenta is certainly not a family therapist, but these are tactics that have worked for other brides that may also work for you.

At the end of the night, when the high heels are tossed in the corner and the flowers are being disassembled, you’ll have a new set of official family members and wouldn’t it be nice if your in-laws were also your in-loves?

How To Find Out Her Ring Size

Posted on October 22, 2012 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Planning

Gentlemen, if you’ve found this post yourself, I bow down to you. If your lady friend “accidentally” left this window up on your computer, well, thank her later because I’m about to share with you how you can purchase an engagement ring in the approximate right size without her knowing.

Chances are, you do not know her ring size. And why should you? Purchasing a ring is not like purchasing her Starbucks order. Coffee happens several times a week, and cream and sugar is a learned ratio with repeat orders. But rings don’t get purchased every week, and it’s a much more serious purchase than a grande nonfat soy vanilla latte, no sugar added. Yes, coffee makes your love perk up, but a ring with bling MAKES. YOUR. LOVE. PERK. UP.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So with such a monumental item, you want it to be perfect, right? You’re spending time researching the 4 Cs (carat, color, cut, and clarity) and creating the ideal setting, but wouldn’t it be awful if it doesn’t slide past her first knuckle or it could double as a bracelet? If you weren’t already on your knee, you’d drop to the floor in defeat. The size may not be exact and precise — it’s likely she’ll need fine tuning of the size to accommodate body temperature and hand movement — but being able to put it on after the big moment is definitely the goal here.

Chelo Keys Photography

So, how do you find out her size without ruining the surprise?

Ask Her Peeps:
It’s more than likely she has a confidant or two who have catalogued this data for this exact instance. Her best friends, sister, or mom may have that information tucked away. Ask them. They’ll be more than glad to help fill you in. Beware: girl squealing may ensue. Prepare yourself. It’s the first of many occasions so you may as well get used to it.

Rob Her:
Go into her jewelry box and play jewel thief. It’s like the game, but in real life. Find another ring you’ve seen her wear and the jeweler will be able to size it when you buy the real deal. If there are many rings to choose from, make sure it’s a ring she’s worn on her fourth finger. A thumb ring size is different than an engagement ring size. Try to choose a ring she doesn’t wear every day so that she doesn’t notice that it’s missing.

If you don’t have faith in your robbery skills, you can trace the ring on a piece of paper. The jeweler should be able to estimate the size based on your work of art. Yeah, it’s a little ghetto, but it’ll do the trick.

Be Sneaky:
While she sleeps, take a string — floss will even work! — and tie it around her left ring finger. Knot it where the ends meet. Ta da. You just made your own DIY ring sizer. This is probably your last resort method, but if it’s successful, it will work in determining her ring size. Just don’t wake her up, whatever you do. To achieve this, I suggest you don’t breathe, make noise, or let your nerves leave you shaky. Be stealth and pretend it’s the most important game of Jenga of your life. What if she wakes up? Well, A) you’re not that slick and, B) have a story ready to go. She’s going to want to know why you’re flossing her finger. Construct your alibi or your plan goes bye bye.

Chelo Keys Photography

If none of these ideas will work for you or your betrothed, you can just be honest. She won’t exactly mind that you’re trying to do things correctly when it comes to buying her engagement ring. If it’s common knowledge between you two that getting engaged is inevitable, just say something like, “So that I know for when the time comes, what is your ring size? I want to make sure I have all the right info.” She’ll be glad to share this number with you and she’ll probably G-chat all of her friends that day that OMG IT’S HAPPENING.

Good luck! Wishing you big, fat mazels in advance!

Kim Fox Photography